Lost my job

Post Reply New Topic

I've been feeling jittery at work these last couple of days, and boy was I right to!

Part of the reason is that a deal fell through, leaving less work for me. However, I was told that I was not considered for another position because I was so stressed out I basically stressed out everybody around me. Also, I ask too many questions. I started worrying when my boss got promoted, because the guy replacing her is so wishy-washy and vague that I have a hard time understanding what he wants.

I've been told before that I act stressed out, but that's honestly just me working fast. It's probably gotten worse with age. I'm actually having memory issues, but it seems they thought it was due to stress. I guess I'm not passing anymore.

Feeling pretty awful. Husband is talking about selling the house and moving to something smaller. He doesn't seem to understand that this will not significantly lower our living costs. It's more about him wanting to downsize. So what will I do, stuck in a small flat all day, being a housewife, which I hate? At least here I have some privacy and a garden.

I know how you feel, in a sense. I was laid-off, too, about 1.5 months ago. Luckily for me, it was a second job that I lost. I have since gotten another second job.

It was terrible before I got that other second job. I was pretty frazzled.

Maybe this will, paradoxically, benefit you. Now, you can relax in your garden. Is your husband giving you grief about you getting laid off?

it might be good to take some time to find a pursuit that "centers" you, and perhaps your mind needs a break from that type of work to regain its memory specs?

you can always try volunteer work if you're feeling cooped up at home.

or you could get into working for a nonprofit organization. the pay would not be great but you would be doing something beneficial and important.

I'm sorry about you losing your job too, glad you got a new one! Although I would wish that one job would be enough to live on.

I've processed it a bit now, and now I've reached the angry stage. I have a major stomach ache going on. Luckily tomorrow is my last day. The bastards waited until the last minute to tell me. I'm so pissed off that I could really do something I regret. A bit of analysis later, and I realise they are just rationalising being sh***y to me. I had a meeting today with the staffing agency that are formally my employers, and the guy told me that the company ditched four more people this month. They didn't even tell the agency about me until yesterday. It was really sh***y. Fortunately the agency is keeping me on and is already looking for other jobs for me. Naturally now the customer I was responsible for is freaking out, because they knew nothing about this and they were happy with my work, as I take a lot of care to do things correctly and on time and to communicate with them what is happening, which these bloody management amateurs can't seem to manage!

I'm definitely going to hang out in the garden, although shopping for plants is off the agenda now. I really needed a break, so in a way this was convenient.

Husband was mainly freaking out, but he's good now. Me being the way I am, I take the logical approach to solving problems, he goes by his feelings. Truthfully I go by feelings too, it's just that they take longer to arrive. Husband is a really nice and supportive guy, but he's not made of stone, you know? We've had so much drama and trouble in our lives, we're still waiting for that bit where everyone is healthy, happy at work and earning a decent wage. I'd settle for health and money.

Thanks, I'm actually looking forward to having some time off. Now that it's spring, time off is a lot more fun than in the middle of winter. And I started taking driving lessons! I had my first lesson this week, and it was much easier than I thought, and really fun! So I plan to drive a lot, and get my licence as soon as possible.

Actually, my former therapist told me the memory problems were probably depression-related, and that it could take up to three years to get back to normal. Just working has helped. It's just that I always had a mind like a steel trap, and now that's gone and I don't know what to do with myself.

I think I'll try really hard to get paid work - but if that doesn't pan out I have to think about alternatives. Honestly, nonprofits can sometimes be a bit scary - I tried it - because structures are less formal and therefore more dependent on social skills. But I'll definitely think about part time work, if I can get it. I think a full time job makes me so tired my social skills suffer, and then it's downhill from there.

Thank you guys for your thoughtful replies! People sometimes bash WP, but I think it's home to some of the nicest and most thoughtful people I've met!

I bet you'll find other employment soon.

Especially with the client being satisfied with you.

It seems like this was truly more of a "downsizing" move than something which you caused.

When I lost my job, I was called into the office, and was escorted out right away.

Honestly, it was mainly a downsizing move, but I could have stayed on working with the other part of my job - I sort of had two jobs within one company- but they basically started a hiring process because my boss got promoted, and our colleague became the new manager, and they were supposed to hire one more person. Turns out they decided to hire two new people and give me the boot, along with a bit of character assassination. In retrospect, when I go through the reasons they gave for firing me, it had nothing to do with job performance, and all to do with just disliking me personally.

Where I live, only people who commit a crime or take a job with a competitor get escorted out immediately. I am afraid to tell people what happened because they will think I did something to deserve it. If that sounds paranoid or non-autistic to you, consider that a certain bit of paranoia about local gossip is key to surviving in Scandinavia. I keep seeing WP members talk about it as some aspie-friendly heaven, but I'd like to point out that people who are quiet, introvert and inexpressive are bloody hard to read. Lack of feedback makes me very neurotic, because I have a feeling something is going on - and this week I was very right about that.

What makes it worse is that I was told on Wednesday that they wouldn't renew my contract, and then on Thursday afternoon I was on the phone with the client. He started telling me about activities for May, and then I just had to tell him that I was leaving in two days and that I didn't know who would be taking over this account, and that the manager who was familiar with this client was also leaving sometime during spring. I was really upset and confused, because the company hadn't told me anything. So the client says don't worry, we'll discuss this with your management, which I thought was reasonable, considering that I wouldn't be there.

An hour later I get a nasty phone call from the manager who fired me, accusing me of gross disloyalty to the company because I talked about these things. The client had called her because they were worried about what was happening. I mean, the client had every reason to be worried. I apologised and said I didn't know this was a secret and that I'd had to tell them I was leaving. She conceded that, but told me I shouldn't have said that the other guy was leaving. That might be the case, but you know......trying to hide all this is like patching a dam using a spider web. And I just don't have the juice for this level of deception - certainly not for people who lied to me. Part of this story is that they promised me a permanent position, and my new manager was basically sitting next to me and lying to me for at least a week. In retrospect I realize he thought it was funny listening to me planning activities for the future when he knew I wouldn't be around. Bastard.

All this lying and cheating people.....it really makes me sick to my stomach. What I'm going to do is, I'm going to ask the client to be my reference. And then I'll have a chat with my former manager, who's been on holiday a few days. It's entirely possible they did all this behind her back. She is a much more honest person, so she'll tell me.

I thought I was just angry, but I can't be angry forever, and now I just fear that I'll get a bad reference as revenge for talking to the client, and that I'll never get work again. A family member who is an experienced manager told me that the company should have told me what to say to the client when they fired me. I feel horrible, though, because I know that when people treat you like s**t, they need to make up a reason why you deserve it.

To make it worse, husband is really freaking out. Not so much because of the money, it seems, but mainly because he can't stand watching people mistreat me over and over again, and not being able to help me. I understand that, but it's my fight. I've accepted that my life will be tough. I still feel more alive now than when I was hanging around the house being depressed. Although if I have this level of stress for the rest of my life, I'll get ill. Husband says I should stop working, but I just don't see isolating myself and being entirely dependent on him as the answer.

Sorry for the lengthy answer, but I had to get it all out. It's really wonderful to have someone out there who understands, though.

How about getting a part-time, nonsales type of job--like in a library. That would take away much stress, and allow you to putter in the garden more.

Is there an attorney in your area versed in both disability and labor law? If there is, I'd be making an appointment with him or her to discuss whether you have a case against this agency. If not, I'd be talking to the local bar association for a recommendation.

You know, I read this just after talking to my mom, who said the same thing

I'm seriously considering it - all this drama is not worth it. The problem is, part time jobs are practically nonexistent, the only things available are really shop jobs, and I did rather spectacularly badly when I took a shop job around Christmas. I get disoriented quite a lot faster than when I was younger, and I don't learn fast anymore. I don't really understand what has happened with me. Exhausted for many years, I think, and very disillusioned.

I'll try to look for something part time, though, and I'll ask the agency about it as well. Thanks for supporting me, you're a rock, Kraftie.

I don't think there exists such a thing as a disability lawyer here. That said, I don't have a leg to stand on legally, as I have no promises in writing. I used to work with some legal stuff, so I have a bit of an understanding of the law. Great job actually, wish I could be doing it again, but it doesn't exist anymore.

Also, I don't have a diagnosis. I personally think I have an autism\adhd thing going on, but I've decided to postpone the diagnostic process for some years because a diagnosis could seriously mess up some important things at this stage of my life.

I still haven't tried starting my own company though Maybe I should get my driving license and start driving flowers or something

I think I'm still processing this. It gets hard being told over and over again how much I suck
That said, I'm not half as unlucky as a lot . I have a good family, good friends and a very decent house, which is more than a lot of others have, autistic or not. It's just that people tend to either love me or hate me - there is no middle ground. Most people don't experience this.

But you don't suck. That's the thing.

I was a data-entry clerk in a tense, sales type of environment previously. I did okay, but not really that great. It did prepare me to the university library job I have now where there's customer service.

I've done pretty well in the library job---because it's not sales-driven. And (recently) I got better in public relations. I thought I would screw up in the public relations aspect---but I'm actually doing fairly well at it.

Ten years ago, I probably wouldn't have succeeded at the library job.

Thank you, I actually need some reminding that I'm not useless. Yesterday I was very anxious, was crying a lot, but I'm better today. I even managed to meditate a little this morning.

I've decided to be kinder to myself and not worry so much. I think I'm getting over the shock. I decided I'm going to start living life the way I would like it to be, focus on learning how to drive, and not pushing myself so hard to get just any kind of new job. It's wearing me out to live so joylessly. Never mind the money, I'll think of something.

I went really wrong when choosing my university studies. Because I had no self-insight, I was really good at seeing trends and patterns in the world around me, and rubbish at understanding what I personally wanted or needed. I'd also been taught by my surroundings that anything I was interested in was worthless info. Languages is my thing, but I went into a career direction that taxed my EF a lot and required a lot of STEM skills. Looking back, I can only say that I did it because it was part of my life project of mastering just about any skill so that I wouldn't have to ask anyone for help. Also, I just love learning new things, but it tends to be on a very theoretical level.

My husband says I should work with people, which is too funny in a way, but in another way I understand what he is thinking. I don't do superficial relationships - I have no idea how - but I have this ability to connect to people on a very personal level. I remember one of the hyperempathic aspies saying she trained to be a therapist and then having to give it up on account of having no filter. So I really don't know what would be a good career.

I'm pretty good at holding presentations and such things, mainly because stage fright tends to show up after the event As long as I'm not stuck working very closely with people I do ok socially, as long as I have a task to complete. Unstructured socialising is a nightmare, though.

As a young person I felt I had no other option than be academically successful, because I was rubbish at relationships. Now I've ended up the exact opposite.

Are you near to the university where you got your degree? I'm thinking maybe apply there at the library if there are any openings.

Driving is an important skill because it gives you more options as far as job location is concerned (and leisure activities as well). I didn't get my license until I was relatively advanced in age. You can start with driving automatic transmission cars.

At least the roads in Scandinavia are wider than UK roads. More like the US. Make sure your instructor is patient. One key to driving is always being aware of the car in front of you.

Unfortunately there is no library work unless you have a librarian's degree. And I never finished my degree due to a combination of EF problems, illness and stress, so what I have is a crapton of credits and no degree. I can't finish my degree because I'm far away from the university I went to, and anyway I don't know how I would complete two very difficult subjects or even come up with the money to study.

I already had one driving lesson, which went very well. The teacher told me that riding a bicycle was good practice, and since I've spent the last 35 years using my bicycle as transport, I have a lot of it Going for automatic, the way cars are being made now I see learning manual a waste of time - I certainly don't need one more distraction in my life.

You know that our roads are some of the crappiest in Europe? Fortunately Albania beats us to the dubious prize of worst of the lot

Don't worry, for some reason I'm very good at orienting myself in traffic, I'm just very uncoordinated. I seem to have escaped the "getting lost" gene, disorientation really only seems to hit me with lots of people or objects around. I cannot make sense of this.

A GPS would work wonders, then. It compensates well for the "lost gene."

You don't need a degree for library clerk-type jobs. At universities here, students usually do the stacking of books and other more "physical" jobs. You might only have to check in/out books and do data entry type work.