Reflections after my Mom's passing

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It's been almost a month and a half since my Mom lost her battle with cancer, and it's been hard to live without her. Some days have been more difficult than others for me, while my Dad has really taken this hard. He spent most of one hour this evening crying heavily.

There have been times where I've been on the verge of crying myself since her funeral (tears welling up but no real display of emotion), but deep inside I've had moments where I'd easily trade places with her inside the urn where her ashes are kept if given the opportunity (I'm sure that would go double for my Dad). Also, thoughts of depression and even suicide have floated in my brain, but they've been mostly internalized and expressed to no one.

My church has a bereavement support group which my Dad has joined (my older sister goes with him for support), but my work schedule has so far prevented me from attending a meeting. I would like to go in future, though, and express my feelings.

Anyway, apologies for the lengthy post. Your thoughts?

Everyone grieves at their own pace.
You are in my prayers.

When my grandfather died I just felt numb at first, yet angry at myself for not feeling deep sorrow and grieving him like I thought I should. About three days after the funeral, if I recall, I finally was overwhelmed with sadness and cried, though I wasn't sure if it was for my grandfather or for the fact I was numb in my initial response.

In retrospect, I think I was grieving, grieving over his death, my previous numbness and the sorrow everyone else was experiencing...

Whatever the case, I don't think it's wrong to feel numb or to cry, like the_phoenix said, everyone grieves at their own pace and I would add, grief affects people in a variety of ways...

Praying as well for you.

Oh, NYAspie, I'm sooooo sorry you're having to go-through this.

I've lost 3 of my kin, in less than 2 years----one of my eldest sisters was one of them, and I'm STILL saying "my two eldest sisters", cuz it just doesn't seem real. Another one, was less than 3 months, ago----a young (early 30s) niece (it wasn't her mother who died) of mine just died in her sleep, and no one knows why..... How does that HAPPEN, to someone so young----so, that one's difficult, as well.....

I'm thinking it's possible that one never gets over these things, and that they just become, somehow, easier to cope with.

Since you seem to be a religious person, I hope you find, at least, a tiny bit of comfort in knowing that I and the others are praying for you.

Please let your dad know that I'm thinking of him, as well.....

I lost my Mum to cancer in 2015. She taught me everything I needed to know except how to live without her.

The first 2 years after my dad died were tough and mostly about learning to live with the pain. Its not so much that the sense of loss eased, but that the time helped me to adapt to his absence. Maybe you could consider individual counseling, talking to someone outside of my family helped me to cope during the first few months, I am sorry you are going through this.