I've Had Enough

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Right now, I'm feeling very suicidal.

I've just had enough of life and I completely give up. I've put up with the s**t life around me long enough, and my misery and (diagnosed) mild depression is not really helping. I have had very frequent thoughts of self harm as I just want to rid of all my pain and anxiety I suffer. Although, I've been on Fluoextine (Prozac) for nearly a month (20mg dose), and it's not really done anything for me.

I just want to cut myself of from the outside world, as I'm frightened and angry to face anymore misery, hate, and torment.

I've tried to keep going with happy thoughts, but those happy thoughts disappear very quickly. For some reason, pessismism can reassure me sometimes, but not often, as too much pessimism just makes me breakdown and shout at any random person.

Although, my mum is the only person that understands and keeps me (not physically) from going ahead with it. If only, there was more people like my mum out there in that big wide world.

I have a couple of friends which I go to the cinema with sometimes at weekends, but they live far away from me so I can't exactly "hang around" with them either. Besides, I don't do hanging around either. I see them at school, but they live a 5 minute walk away from it. I live 8 miles away from my school, so I have to catch the bus every morning, and my mum comes and picks me up.

These friends of mine know what I'm going through (their mostly girls) but I'm too afraid to trust them due to the fact that I've had other girlfriends (friends who are girls) that have backstabbed me and wound me up.

After, I see my friends from a cinema trip, I just feel miserable again, as I try to hide my depression away from them, and look happy and content. I can't be bothered to do that anymore, but would you rather cover up your misery or have people constantly pester you saying "What's wrong?" all the time?

My mind just feels completely f****d up, and I feel like complete and utter s**t. I just don't know what to do, and how much more hate, misery, anger, and anxiety is coming my way.

I've given up with my schoolwork as well, as I just don't feel interested with the work I'm doing. I would happily bunk, but I'd get into trouble.

This isolation and sadness is getting worse and worse for me.

I just wanted to post that. I've wanted to post that for a while, but either haven't the time or haven't had the patience to think of how to word it.

i feel like killing myself aswell but dont kill yourself the depression might pass

you should find a nice hobby it really gets your mind of things you know

This depression has gone on for a year, I'm not sure if it'll pass soon aspie17, but thanks for the concern.

Kilroy, I've tried finding hobbies, but the depression is always there like a fog, no matter what I do.

well I've been miserable for awhile too...
you just gotta know you have so much more time to live and be happy

I know I have, but right now, I just don't want to live.

I just feel so miserable.

Yeah, it might not seem like it's going to go away right now, Alternative. But it can get better, even though it's hard to see that now. I was depressed when I was 13/14 for ages, it did go away eventually. It came back again when I first started college but not for as long. There have been times in my life the last few years where I thought it would never get better and I wanted to die. But it did get better and, even though it's not exactly how I'd like my life to be right now, it's a million times better than it was this time last year. That can happen for you too, you just need to wait and try and get through this bit. Because it won't always be like this.

Thanks for the advice Soph.

I'm 15 by the way, and have put up with this since last year. I'm not too sure if I'm going to get better as the only direction it's going right now is down.

I feel like I'm trapped in a hole, with the rope next to me as the way out, but some bastard keeps stealing the rope or shaking me off as I try to climb up. That person is life and the s**t scum of it.

yeah I've been there...
your only 15 you have your whole life ahaid of you-0to find love, to get a house, to have a car
those are the things I look forwards to (I know i can get the later two)

15 is a crap age to me. I'm nearly 19 so not that much older, but it's a lot better than being 15. I felt the same way a few years ago as well and didn't think anything would change. But then something did change and my life suddenly got better. I hope things get better for you too, I'm sure they will if you can just get through this part of your life.

Yes! Strike me down with all of your emotion, and your journey towards the understanding of everything and nothing will be complete!

Danielismyname, I guess your being sarcastic, so why did you bother posting here in the first place if your going to piss me off? If your not being sarcastic, I'm very sorry for this misunderstanding.

Kilroy, I don't like looking forward into the future, I take each day as it comes rather than trying to look forward to try and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Soph, thanks for that.

At least you have your mother on your side who understands. I don't even have that. A lot of the social suffering comes from my own family.

to eact to their own every day is the same for me so

Star Wars reference. It’s good to get your emotion out…, even if no one can sympathize with you (though I’m sure that a lot of us have been in a similar situation to you), and when you write your emotion out you view it rather than just "feeling" it; it can offer a different vantage point.

I’ve realized that nothing I can say will make you feel any better; humour sometimes works, sometimes....