Make it Stop

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I'm completely freaking out here. My priorities are gone. I no longer have an interest in learning, it just vanished. The normal teenage mind is now in control again. I don't feel any different than anyone else, I don't feel like going and looking up the Winter War, that whole overwhelming need to learn everything is gone. All of a sudden, I have an overwhelming need for companionship and acceptance, and I don't know why. This needs to stop, I want my strangeness back. It's like my autism turned off. I want it back, I'm losing my mind here, literally. I don't know what is happening to my mind, I don't know where my usual feelings are, all this s**t is new and weird. f**k.

Yeah. I've been in this kind of state
for a few months now.

So there's nothing I can do, and it could last months? These things only last a few weeks usually. If this thing lasts months, I'll just smash my head in until it stops.

In about the 11th grade my interests (computers and politics) subsided, and I started thinking a lot more about daily social interaction. At first, it was positive, as I was in awe of all that I missed out on before. Then I realized that there was a lot I still missed out on-- no longer pleasantries, being polite and felicitous, which I learned easily, sometimes by rote, but the basic underlying social interaction such as that involving non verbal cues. This eventually led to my reading up on AS and my discovery of this site. The good thing is that although the intensity of my interests diminished, my grades remain high, especially in subjects that were connected to my interests (computer science and art history). My advice for you is to keep a positive outlook even in light of your shortcomings and to put calmness and rationality above purely visceral reactions as it pertains to your everyday decision-making. Also, if you find time and mentally force yourself to work at your interests, and you will find that they are still within your mind's reach.

enjoy it while you can. maybe take the opportunity to make a few friends. If you have AS or autism, don't worry it will be back.

it's interesting to read what some other people have written on here because I had a similar experience. Between the ages of 17 and 22 I suddenly became extremely social, stopped caring about academics or learning things, and had a lot of friends. Flunked my first year of college and had to repeat it. When my AS came back it was more pronounced than it had been when I was a kid.

I haven't heard too much about this phenomenon. Could it be caused by raging hormones or something?

This has happened during periods when I was social. Unfortunately, the first time it happened, it was while I was in college and I almost flunked out worrying over some guy I was going with.

I guess aspies tend to go through these cycles of being social/few interests and anti-social/deep interests. Don't try to force anything. Just go with your mind's flow. Maybe it's just trying to balance itself out.

Out of curiousity, would it help if I started drinking?

I am so hating the Firefox browser. Using the tabs, I continually accidentally hit the close tab thing, and LOSE MY POST.

There's a saying or poem that I went looking for, something like
"Springtime; when young men's thoughts turn to love"

While searching, I found a bunch of funnies, so I'll post them instead:

Springtime; when young men's thoughts turn to...

love, and geek thoughts turn to movies. Or comics, respectivly.

Tarantino

well, you know

love but I am not sure about this

employment. And love too, I guess. Would be a crappy kind of love if you're broke though. Couldn't buy anything, go anywhere, see anything.

women and love

other men

divorce

ART -- or something like it

a renewed fervor on the boards?

FOOTBALL?

baseball

baseball—and to young women, probably not in that order.

baseball, but around here, there's nothing like a good mystery to get that invigorating scent of spring into our lungs

disc golf

public stadium subsidies.

deodorant, all except for Creepy Keith from Accounts

getting cracked over the head with eggs filled with confetti

flights of fancy

their butterfly collections.

puppy love, and feeling assured, boys will do just ...

global warming

Spring Chicken

plasma screen TVs, digital cameras, and Lauren Graham’s performance in Bad Santa.

things other than schoolwork

away from the computer projects they should be working on and onto making top ten lists

prerequisites, certified writing and ... A time when students conduct background checks on ...

love and drag racing

smelly rock `n roll dives! YEEE HAAA!! !

======

You young men certainly have a lot on your minds in Springtime!

Try taking up a new challenge. Instead of studying, focus on physical fitness. When the world feels like it's falling apart, when nothing in Auditing, Accounting, or Linear Programming is going right, or when "people" (I don't think they can be called that here in Oregon... more like the spawn of inbred lumberjacks and Silicon Valley refugees) are making my very existence a challenge, I start training again.

It's not just the distraction that helps, but running, jogging, and weight training give you that extra boost of confidence you need when things just go down the toilet. I went from being a scrawny nerd, to a nerd with a six-pack, ripped arms, and became the eye candy for practically every chick on campus.

That in itself was enough to keep me from feeling completely helpless in social situations.

However, there is yet another advantage. The exercise regimen I put together was meant specifically to toughen me up. It goes beyond simply strength and endurance, but learning to force yourself through physical pain, to keep running another four miles when your feet are bleeding and you just want to collapse. It instills that knowledge in you that, if it came down to a fight, you would not only win, but you would have the respect from the jocks who never saw you coming.

As a final comment, when you're physically fit, you're maximizing your potential. It's not enough that we with AS have a tendency to have an above average intellect. There is a pride we should all embrace by trying to be both smart and strong, being the most a human being can be. One of my friends and I came up with a slogan for this thought:

•Study like a scholar
•Act like a gentleman
•Dress like a soldier