I'm starting to have doomsday fears and falling into despair and sadness again. I have been so good at trying to avoid this anxiety for a month-and-a-half, but I feel like no matter what, I'll eventually fall back into my old patterns of thinking. The only way I can feel happy again is when somebody whom I pray know very well about what they are talking about, will tell me why doomsday or comparable catastrophe won't happen in my lifetime. I don't think anybody should deserve to see this world end in the prime of their lifetime.
I'm sorry if this is too heavily religious-based, I didn't mean to preach anything, but I have no more options to vent or discuss.
I have been raised in a family and town that is primarily Christian in the US (just in case you are not sure what country I'm in), I have been told that I need to "turn to God" or some other silly variant of Christian wisdom. I don't want to die or see the world end when I'm in my prime. Why is God so cruel to me and many other people? What's the point of praying for this world if God is supreme and above all anyway? The afterlife (particularly the Christian version, but can likely apply to the afterlife in general) sounds very Gnostic and dry.
It doesn't sound like Heaven to me. I'm worried that since doomsday is very near and God himself wants to keep to his own word, and that I struggle with partners and friendships here on Earth, that I will be single and a virgin forever along with everybody else in Heaven when I never got to do whatever on Earth. I think a lot of the traditional Christian doctrines and the people who rub it in my face are cruel-hearted. I'm sorry for my blasphemy (but I don't need people to think I'm an atheist, there is a difference between not believing in God and believing he's bad or cruel), I don't want to believe he is all malevolent, but I can't see how he can be all good either.
Many doctrines I mentioned earlier believe that only the spirit can be good, and all physical matter and material, even in itself, is evil. This includes all the thoughts, biology and brain chemicals we were created with as humans. I know a few people on social media who say they are Christians and believe certain non-generally accepted doctrines, but they have been a minority on the planet who are facing too many arguments with "drive-by" opinion.
I may stop for now, but I may make another post in this thread. I just hope I get thoughtful or calm replies, and not torn to shreds like I may have been on other sections of this forum and other forums.