Do arguments stress other people?

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I have noticed this again recently.
I find discussion quite interesting, when people are presenting ideas and discussing those ideas, even if they have a differing or opposite point of view / belief / opinion, and especially if those people aren't married to their ideas, and are willing to shift and change according to new information, as I am.
But argument stresses me. Sometimes I even dread reading here recently, because I expect to come back and read something that was once an interesting idea has just turned into an argument. I just don't want to see it, or be part of it.
I cannot process the emotionalism of it, essentially. Arguments often have a very high emotional content. I can't process this, so I have no way to respond. I don't know what to "do" with it. I can't deal with other people's emotions, or understand my own. I have basically two settings - OK and NOT OK. Arguments sit in the NOT OK emotional category.
I currently live with a few highly argumentative people, and it stresses me that I just have to expect an argument all the time. I'm hyper-alert for it.
I know some people who dislike arguments say they cannot stand "confrontation," but weirdly, I'm ok with this. Confrontation is in the beginning at least just addressing a problem, not dealing with an argument. It can be a positive thing which makes a situation better for everyone. There is every likelihood that when confronted with the problem, the other party may not have been aware, and may simply acknowledge that problem and a solution can be found. It's proactive, and often, pragmatic.
An argument isn't like this. It doesn't actually fix anything. No one is interested in learning anything new, or changing their behaviour or ideas. All it seems to do is throw emotions around which damage everyone involved. Arguments often get nasty, petty and personal, and I just cannot deal with that. There is the NOT OK feeling category to it that I can't stand. Even more bizarrely, there are examples of people who actually enjoy and seek out arguments - something I really cannot understand.
What is the point of an argument? Why do this? How is an argument better than simply addressing a problem or challenging an idea calmly and respectfully?
I wish this wouldn't happen all the time. It just stresses me, knowing that this behaviour is out there and going to be aimed at me. Sometimes I just don't want to communicate with people at all, or even be around them, because I don't want to deal with argumentative behaviour.
Do arguments stress others, or is it just me who can't process this?

Arguments cause me a great deal of stress too, even a meltdown in some cases.

Last edited by komamanga on 15 Jul 2017, 8:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, they cause me to feel panicky. Even, when merely a bystander. I refuse to take part in arguments. I will talk through disagreements, misunderstandings, etcetera, but, I will not take part, nor can I be in earshot of an argument, without becoming anxious.

Even minor ones cause me stress.

I don't want to ruin the thread, but I feel the opposite of this. I get very frustrated if people try to suppress my freedom to express my opinion. I don't like argueing just for the sake of argueing, but I think discussing ideas is also a way to get to know other people. Even if I disagree with someone, atleast I know where they stand, and that makes them more human because I know them better because of it. It's one the things that differentiates humans from other animals, our capacity to have opinions.

^Indeed, but, would you agree or disagree that expressing opinions and discussing various maters, for a common good, enjoyment, resolution and all of the reasons you have listed, above is different than engaging in, or being exposed to arguing, in the context of what C2V has expressed?

Edit: disregard. after re reading C2V's post, I reslize you wrote in agreement with him, and expressed, virtually, the same sentiments. Perhaps, the opening sentence of your comment confused me.

Last edited by Britte on 16 Jul 2017, 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I get very stressed from arguments. I try to avoid getting involved in them as much as possible, but living in a house with a mother, two sisters, a brother and a father popping in and out, it is hard to not pick up on other people's fights. I try to plug my ears and wear headphones a lot. Even the fights that I'm not involved in stress me out because I can sense all the tension in the house and it bothers me.

Of course, I was mostly referring to discussing different subjects like philosophy, politics ect.
I don't think there is much substance in calling eachother names

Like nearly everything -- arguments are viewed from a social point of view by normal people. Or more exactly, by their unconscious mind.

That is... fights, just with words.
Nobody likes a fight.

The content of ideas? That doesn't interest them.
What interests them is that whatever is in their mind must be valid, intelligent, correct.

So: agreement, compliments, and the like are positive signals you give them interpreted as "he is my friend/he is GOOD/...".
Any objection, criticism, or even expression of doubt and push to further analysis will be seen as negative.

This is the default, with exceptions, specially for more intelligent people. But even then, they don't care for the idea, they care for that idea being THEIR idea.
And when you raise a doubt, an objection, for them you are raising the objection to their person too

Add to this that your objections may attack precious illusions they hold concerning life... which will make them very aggressive, usually in a passive-aggressive way.

No, communication between people isn't for dispassionate, objective analysis of ideas.

When a past friend/acquaintance and I had a disagreement, it evolved into this scenario, exactly, verbatim. It was one of the most intense, anxiety provoking, confusing, physically discomforting and disconcerting interactions/confrontations that I have ever encountered. The person had, initially, been extremely kind, good-natured, helpful, compassionate and charming. It was one of those proverbial, Jekyll and Hyde experiences. It was psychologically and physically exhausting and disturbing, and the effects remained, for days, following the encounter. Just thinking back, on it, is anxiety provoking.

Yes. I have seen verbal fighting escalate into physical fighting. We had neighbors who had screaming fights that turned physical. I have also heard patrons at the library have loud arguments and used the filthiest language. That can be scary when it happens right out of the blue.

Yah this confused me a bit too. I have zero problems discussing ideas philosophically, ethically, religiously (to an extent - I am interested in discussing the ideas or experience of religion, not getting into an emotional argument I won't understand about other people's feelings about religion) even logistically and pragmatically. I like discussion, even if the other person and I are of different opinions. I can learn something, I can better understand all aspects of the topic, I may even learn something to reevaluate my own position if necessary. But that's not arguing, to me. Just engaging. Arguments seem to have this highly emotional context I just can't process and it stresses me because my mind has nowhere to grasp, no way to understand or respond.

Oh boy. This is the sort of reason why I cannot compute an argument. My agreement or disagreement will often have absolutely nothing to do with the person expressing it - solely with the information being presented. So, you mean that disagreeing with someone will make them believe you automatically dislike them personally, rather than just disagree with the information? This literally makes no sense, but I don't disbelieve that this is the way people operate. It seems likely based on interactions I've had. I do however believe myself capable of a dispassionate analysis of the merit of ideas. Because that's what interests me. If someone expresses a directly opposite opinion to mine, so long as they keep their emotional load out of it, I'm interested as to why they think that way - what are their ideas? What I can't deal with is the emotionalism. You note that no one likes a fight - but it seems to me that argumentative people must like it, because they seek to provoke this fighting all the time. Why do it if they don't enjoy it, or receive some satisfaction from it?
It's difficult to understand.
Someone recently told me that having a fight is the easiest way to achieve intellectual stimulation. Which seems ludicrous to me, but may explain why people engage in this behaviour? Boredom?
But then wouldn't one just get a hobby or interest that interests and engages them, instead of just starting fights or making complaints?
Sometimes I don't believe I'm human. My way of thinking and behaving and theirs seem too disparate.

Arguments can easily get out of hand and raise blood pressures up through the ceiling and into the stratosphere. Constructive debate is always good as you can't expect everyone to agree. My stepfather is a perfect example of someone who easily loses his temper and can't stand any ideas different to his own. We used to have many stressful arguments but I'm learning how to beat a strategic retreat when I visit there, ans well as to avoid certain topics.

There are those who aren't even prepared to listen to a valid, rational setting out of a theory or idea.

I love intelligent and constructive discussion of ideas, but unfortunately the people I can talk to about these are few and far between. Which is generally why I prefer the written word. Even then, things so often take a turn into flaming territory.

Yes, arguments cause me a great deal of stress. Any negative confrontation for that matter. I prefer to be able to communicate and discuss. If it cant be done verbally i like to look for a way, like email or an old fashioned letter. Gives time to think rather than a negative response based on mainly just emotion that all parties will often regret later.

However you also have the other end where it may seem like an argument but the other person maybe dealing with a lot of stress and needs someone they care about to release that stress... Not saying that is the right thing to do but people handle stress in different ways...

They stress me so much they make me suicidal a lot of the time , my two settings are OK and I'M ENDING IT NOW.

Foe me I think it comes from childhood trauma or possibly OCD thinking patterns