Why do we care if somebody cares???
I could give numerous examples, but it seems lately that most if not all people that claim they care about me or I am trying to care about them, don't really care at all. To the extreme one uncle of mine said he cared and took us in but then not only demanded lots of money from us but stopped buying food, sold his foodstamps instead and made us buy it all and all this money was going toward his alcoholism.
But then I had someone ask me "Why do you care if people care?" Maybe I'm tired of feelibg ripped off all the time.
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Crazy Bird Lady!! !
Also likes Pokemon
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FINALLY diagnosed with ASD 2/6/2020
I think, for the most part, it is basic, human nature, to want to be or feel cared about. I think there are those who, literally, couldn't care less, whether or not anyone cares about them, but, perhaps, those people don't possess the ability to 'feel', and, in turn, truely don't care, either way.
Your uncle's behavior you described is selfish and exploitative. He could be someone who sees others as nothing more than tools or objects to be used for his own means to an end, and then disposed of. There seem to be more and more people like this, coming out of the woodwork, these days, sadly. And, most of these people can be quite manipulative as they are realing you in, so to speak, so, you get the sence they do care and want to be of help, until they know they've got their hooks in you, and then the abusive behaviors come out.
Sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes it can be hard to desipher if a person is genuinely caring or not, but, if you do see red flags, and dont wish to expose yourself to selfish, manipulative people, keep your distance and dont let these people take up space in your life, that you can keep open for the kind people to enter.
But then I had someone ask me "Why do you care if people care?" Maybe I'm tired of feelibg ripped off all the time.
People with substance abuse problems generally have difficulty putting those they care about above their addictions. To that end, I think you are confusing the concept of caring, with actions.
I find this a bit confusing.
My experience of people who say "but I care about you!" is that they are simply attempting to use that emotional cue to manipulate / powerplay me or justify their own bad actions / behaviour. Neither works with an alexithymic. That they "care" is irrelevant.
I can understand caring more from a perspective of cognitive ethics. Where your actions reflect, as much as possible, the wellbeing of yourself and everything else simply because this is the correct way to behave. You have analyzed the position and deliberately decided to follow a positive ethical pattern of behaviour, philosophically.
People may also prefer if others care in the cognitive model because it makes better outcomes for everyone / everything concerned more likely. If people prefer it if others care about them emotionally however, I can only assume that this reflects their own emotional need for love, connection, etc and helps to alleviate their fears about being "alone." But I have no experience of that one.
I have no explanation for your uncle's behaviour, except perhaps his professed "care" was of the manipulative variety, so he could exploit you as Britte noted, and benefit financially.
Also disagree that all addicts are incapable of putting other people's needs above their own. When I was actively alcoholic, I got myself into some bad positions simply so others would not have to deal with me and my BS. If an addict is exploiting others, in my opinion, that is their choice, and a deflection of responsibility to simply blame their addiction.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
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