Just need to rant

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First of all, it's August and yet it's so cold. I hate the north, because that's where the UK gets cold weather from, at any given time of the year. There's a great big huge burning thing in the sky called the sun, yet there are such cold temperatures on this planet. I'm so disappointed. And don't say stupid things like "oh move to a different country", because it's not that easy, jeez. Maybe I should move to the Isle of Wight, because that's the warmest place in the UK.
I don't do the cold very well. I feel it more than others, which is hell when people want the windows open on the bus and I've got to sit in a cold draught (pronounced 'draft'), shivering with a headache. (Yes, I do wear a jumper to keep my arms warm).

I'm fed up at work because all they do is pick on me. We have this supervisor person who takes her job SO seriously and shows off her authority way too much, like over the top, and it is getting me down. She picks on me the most because I'm easy to boss about I suppose, and when I do assert myself she just says I'm being rude and she gets upset, which makes me feel guilty. She's been on holiday this week and it's been SO nice and relaxing and pleasant to actually get on with my work without being yelled at about something that I'm not even doing wrong.

What else? Ah, yes, people. I'm either in the spotlight or invisible. People are either gawking at me like I'm a freak or they march right into me and accidentally hit me with their bags because they are too close, when I'm standing in a very large space.

Then people wonder why I nap during the afternoon. It's my way of dealing with stress.

I can relate about the cold, the horrible boss, and the people who walk right into you even when there's empty space.

I hate how summer in Britain still means you never know if it's going to be a heatwave one day then bloody frezing cold and rain the next --- in August!

I used to live in one of the Southwestern states in America, and once it got to Spring and Summer, you knew exactly what to wear and what temperatures to expect basically every day for the next six months solid.

While on the one hand it got too hot, at least one benefit to unchangingness of it was that that kind of predictability was great for my aspie desire to just wear similar things every single day and not have to make different decisions.

Here in England, I have to make brand new decisions about what I should wear, every day, because of the unreliable weather.

I do resent when summer turns cold, because here we have cold weather enough the rest of the year. You feel like you're being cheated when it's cold in summer too.

And yes, it's really not that easy moving to another country! It's actually a very, very difficult, expensive and time consuming thing to do and most countries have strict criteria on who they even want.

My work life has been made all-consumingly miserable whenever I've had a boss who is nagging and picking on me -- or even a client, once I became self employed. Any time I've even had to continue with a client who is mean (for financial reasons/no new work coming, etc) it's affected me quite badly.

People bumping into you -- I can NEVER wrap my head around this! My personal observation is that this didn't always used to happen in the UK. When I was growing up in London, even in the most crowded streets people still used to kind of "choreograph" themselves so that everyone kind of wove in and out of each other, gave each other space to pass, respected a "bubble" of personal space if there was any opportunity to do so.

I went and live overseas for two decades, and couldn't afford trips back to the UK aside from one early one.

I moved back to the UK -- and noticed a NOTICEABLE difference in how people navigate a busy street!

Having been gone so long and not here to fail to notice any slowly changed societal habits, the difference HIT me.

Nobody respects anyone's personal space anymore. People walk right into you expecting YOU to be the one to jumps aside, even when there is ample space for them to have given you space, and even when they're not looking at their phone. Bumping and shoulder bashing happens now, where before when I was young, it never happened but if it did there were profuse apologies like something truly awful had just happened.

Now nobody cares about anyone's space or bashing into someone.It's particularly hard when you have a hidden physical injury or disability but nothing to show that you are in pain or recovering or otherwise frail physically.

I have a muscle disorder and also a problem with my knee joints that sometimes means I am in agony if I move quickly, have to change direction fast, or get bumped into and knocked around physically. Or even if someone smashes their shopping cart into mine in a supermarket. But my pain and my bad muscles and joints don't show anything. I might walk a bit more careful or slower, but usually it doesn't look from the outside like there is anything at all wrong with my health. The result is that people just walk into and hurt me.

Sometimes I feel like I need to actually obtain and wear a neck brace, an arm sling or some other visible means of signalling that I have pain and a physical condition that makes me especially vulnerable, just to try and keep people from the usual careless bumping. They wouldn't smash into someone in a wheelchair or walking on crutches, and sometimes I think I need a similar visible signaller to get myself some protection from how rough people are on streets and in stores now.

Thanks for understanding and sharing your own thoughts and experiences. It really helps.

My job could be such a nice easygoing Aspie-friendly job if it wasn't for my supervisor. All I do is clean rooms in a care home. Sounds like a piece of cake, right? Wrong. The supervisor turns it into tiring slog, along with double standards. She does extra unpaid hours (because she's like married to her job), and seems to think all of us should. She sets me so many tasks to do in one shift, expects it all to be done in a perfect and precise way, but also expects it to be done very quickly, and there's a chance she could force me to stay behind after my shift if I didn't get round to doing something, when I'm knackered and just want to get home. She tells me off if she catches me talking to anyone, whether it's a colleague or a resident. She never used to be like this. She used to be a good mate, and understanding of my ADHD and anxiety. Sometimes she is, but then most of the time she seems to think I am a ninja with 8 hands. I don't know what universe she lives in. The trouble is I can't tell the manager because she is very good friends with my supervisor and that makes it awkward.

Another thing that is depressing me is my genes. You see, my mum has 2 sisters and 1 brother, and they all have 2 grown-up children each. In my mum's family, depression and even traits of autism runs through, affecting my mum's parents and their siblings and my mum and her siblings. But my mum's siblings' children (my cousins) are not affected at all, and all seem to take after their other parent (the parent not related to my mum). However, the depression and a lot of autism traits (enough to actually be an Aspie) seemed to have affected me, and only me. And my dad and his family are all non-depressive neurotypicals. Why did I have to inherit the bad gene that runs on my mum's side? Why me? Why am I so unlucky? It is not fair.

As for the cold, on this we will disagree, because one of my nicknames is "the Queen of Narnia" because I enjoy taking landscape and nature photos of snow and ice. So basically, I hate summer heat.

As for abusive bosses, there are unfortunately plenty of narcissists in positions of power these days who as you say, will try to make you feel guilty and take the blame, when the truth is you are innocent.

As for people gawking at me as if I were a freak? I enjoy dressing in an eccentric manner, and when you do so confidently, people tend to leave you alone or even compliment you on your unusual hat. Of course, it's not always possible to dress as creatively and uniquely as you want to your own taste, but you can always find a little something unique to add to your style. Personally, I think the reason why people treat me good when I dress a bit eccentrically is because they know I want the attention ... which means that a bully would probably find me boring and have no fun with me.

As for me being invisible to people? Yes, that happens sometimes. On the one hand, I might think of those who avoid dealing with me as rude or cold. On the other hand, maybe they're autistic and avoiding eye contact or small talk for that reason?

As for people invading your space, small humorous story. Years ago, I went to the movie called "My Great Big Fat Greek Wedding" ... which is all about an encounter between a stereotypical socially reserved British family and a family of outgoing, warm, touchy-feely Greeks, and a wedding between them. Well, I sat down in the movie theater all by myself and suddenly, this complete stranger who happened to look Greek, came and out of all the empty seats to choose from, she picked the seat right next to me and then started moving in on my armrest, leaning closer and closer to me while eating popcorn so that we were touching. I (being part ethnically British) finally had to tell her (the truth) that I was saving the seat for a friend ... at which point she got very disappointed and moved to a different seat.

Found it , not sure how relevant this is , especially with people who are also doing this or not paying attention to what they are doing , but give it a go

I nap in the afternoons during weekends.

Chronos gives good advice. Maybe you should get your thyroid checked.

Chronos has no "agenda." She calls 'em as she sees 'em.

I'm pretty sure I look straight ahead at all times when I'm walking along the street, but people still walk into me, bump me and don't give me space even when they could have spread themselves out from me.

Still even with this, NO crowd "gives way" for me. That's a complete joke.

I tend to consciously walk with purpose and with my head up and my eyes fixed to my intended direction because I'm conscious of making sure I don't look uncertain in public (safety reasons generally).

I still get treated like I'm invisible and people don't give a s**t if they bump into me. Nobody makes way for me.

Hi, Joe90
I can relate to all that stuff. I live in the hills in the north and it's freezing. I can tolerate heat up to 35 degrees before it even begins to bother me... but cold... no thanks.
Napping in the afternoon is my special talent. In my case my constant fatigue is probably due to a) crohns disease and b) medication for crohns disease (thankfully quite low at the moment). Could also be residual depression (also low at the moment).
People are always walking into me. Best to walk with a stick and poke 'em with it before they get close... unless they're bigger than you. A stick is also good for tripping up ankle biters who are swarming around you in coffee shops.
Anyway don't underestimate the beneficial effects of a good ol' rant.

Hi BirdInFlight,

Sorry to hear this is happening to you.

Some possibilities:

1) Your clothing ... Sad but true, people are highly judgmental when it comes to what you're wearing. There are ways you can dress to:

blend in with the crowd
stand out from the crowd
look like you're rich or powerful
look like you're clean
look like you're poor
look like a slob
look like you're wearing what's in fashion at the moment

This is what's going on when in the mundane world you wear different types of normal clothes ranging from super casual to super dressy or formal. People in stores, for example, will give you better or worse treatment depending on your appearance. Wearing jewelry? Hair washed and combed? Sneakers or high-heeled shoes? Tattoos?

2) Eye contact ... yes, you're looking where you're going. But if you avoid all eye contact, people will think you're weak and afraid of them, so they may see you as an easy victim, a target, or someone they just don't care about as a human being. If you just stare straight ahead, you'll look like a strange robot to people. People can be so judgmental that way.

Also ... I've learned to add a power smile to my assertive eye contact when I sense people are ignoring me, I'm close to them in public, and they act like they don't care and might bump into me on a sidewalk or in a hallway ... sometimes I also add a bright "Hello" in a tone of voice that lets them know, don't you dare bump into me, I'm no pushover.

These days, there are a lot of rude people out there. People might want to blame someone for being autistic, but plenty of times, there's an NT on the other end being a jerk. And with all their supposed empathy and social skills, they're supposed to know better.

Hi phoenix -- those are good tips, but alas, I've tried, worn, acted like and been all kinds of different ways, sometimes as an experiment, sometimes organically, and it doesn't matter -- I still get the same.

Whether I'm dressed comfortably, or dressed for a garden party.

I know there are always plenty of people who will say "the problem is you, not other people" -- but in this case I'm holding firmly with my conclusion that the problem really is not me and really is "other people." Lol. I live in what has now become one of the rudest, most careless places in the world. Seriously other people have lost ALL care what they do around other people or the personal space they give anyone anymore.

I've noticed other people of all kinds of dress code getting bumped and walked into too, but they just don't seem to care, and seem to accept that this is life these days.
My only problem is I don't accept that and I think people are sh***y and rude.

As for eye contact, I don't think anyone makes eye contact most of the time on busy streets. The times I have taken a look at people passing me, they're not even looking at me at all, but looking ahead also. I'm actually doing pretty much what I've seen people generally do here, so I fit right in, in that respect. Nobody makes eye contact. Everyone is in their own worlds on London streets. People also walk very fast -- nobody has the time or the curiosity to look at each other.

The careless walking seems to be arising from people genuinely not even aware or caring that there is another human being there at all. Seriously. Everyone is self absorbed here and they don't even think about other people's space. It's rude.

I'm also 4 ft 11 inches and no matter how much dignity I carry myself with -- nope, pushed around and walked into like I'm just a child. I do think the smaller you are the less any other factors matter to a stranger who isn't taking any time to actually assess you, but just sees a small object in their way.