Cutting ties with a family member, how?

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I hope this is the right forum, if not please move to the correct one. Thanks.

I hope you didn’t mind me posting this but I would like some advice as what direction to go in please? I’m sorry this is a bit long winded but I would like to know what the best option is please?

I’m going to call my cousin X (for obvious reasons)

Cousin X lives up north has a sister who has adopted my son, he was taken away from me because of my learning difficulty. I see my son at Christmas and during the summer holidays when I come up to visit my aunt who is the mother of both my cousins.

Cousin X (her son) is the one I am having problems with. He says nasty comments to me which is under the belt sometimes, and also mutters sarcastic comments under his breath thinking I cant hear (when I do, if he knows he doesn’t care anyway). He’s a loner and hasn’t many friends, the one best friend who did stand by him, (and who defended him at school when everyone else was bullying him) he drove away through his immature behaviour and won’t have anything to do with him any more. My cousin done some bad things to him in the past like ruin his 18th birthday party by mixing drinks then being sick in front of all the guests’.

Also My cousins sister’s husband doesn’t like cousin X which he can’t understand because he’s says he’s never done anything to harm him, I could give him a List! Lets start off with ‘mouth into action before brain in gear etc...

Her husband doesn’t like him in their house, and won’t talk to him when he is around. Once he said cousin X couldn’t come into the house one afternoon when my aunt had to pick up a book, so she said she wouldn’t come in either which didn’t help the situation.

I have Asperger's and sometimes it’s hard to deal with cousin X when he starts making ‘pocks’ as I call them. I’ve always ignored him but it’s now getting to the point where as he’s getting older (50yrs) it’s getting worse. I was in a violent relationship (with my sons father) which didn’t help and having to listen to my cousin X’s jibes didn’t help. I’ve never had one bit of encouragement from him. His sister doesn’t help, she defends him to the hilt and that is possibly putting a strain on her marriage, to be honest (being brother and sister) their both very negative. My Uncle (their dad) was the same but not to the level cousin X has taken it.

He’s in a long distance relationship, she’s a really nice lady but doesn’t really know what it’s like to be with him full time. Every woman he’s been with in the past has dumped him after a time because he likes to control people and is too bossy for his own good. They keep saying they want to live together which isn’t really going to work for two reasons. She works over there and the state the UK is in at the moment it isn’t the best idea; also he would probably drive here away with his possessiveness anyway.

The last straw was last week when I visited my son during the school holidays. My aunt was getting tea ready and cousin X said to me, that there was a film right up my street called dumber and dumber. My dad didn’t hear because he’s deaf, so I said there is one called thicker and thicker suited to him. I probably shouldn’t have retaliated and just ignored him but he got very moody with me and sarky and started shouting at me in front of everyone even through I was only two foot away! My aunt later said he has a temper, and I said yes but he doesn’t know how to control it does he.

He also seems to get jealous of other people which I ignore, and is very racist referring to Indian people as Packie’s, don’t even mention gays (he hates them too).

I think it’s time I cut ties with cousin X, but I feel trapped in a way because his sister has my son who is 14yrs and I don’t want to lose contact with him. I have been told he is not my child any more and only his biological mum (makes me sound like a washing powder).

No good me writing him a letter as cousin X doesn’t take a blind bit of notice of anyone, his silly sister is the only one who will stand by him.

What’s the best way to cut the ties?

My dad is just a bit older than Cousin X (whom you say is 50... my dad is in his 60s) and he also makes nasty comments under his breath. I don't know if he thinks I can't hear, or if he wants me to hear, or if he wants me to hear he's mumbling something but doesn't want me to hear what he's saying. He, too, has few friends (whom he doesn't talk to really) and is antisocial and doesn't like socializing with people... and he has said some terrible things... I've felt the need to cut him out of my life sometimes. The only reason I still visit my parents (and my psychologist agrees this is the reason) is that they're civil sometimes, and I still love them. But a lot of my parents' opinions about politics, including about autism and autistics, are crap and they think they're the only ones with the right to free speech. But so many times I've had to ignore them for a while. I hope they will come round. If they don't I'll only visit them once in a while. But unless you have an emotional attachment to Cousin X I think it's right you should cut him out of your life and not let him get away with his behavior.

Jesus can fix this problem.

Much Love, Nay.