BTDT wrote:
Sometimes moving away is the only practical solution. It may not be practical now, but perhaps it is something you could work toward doing in the future. Perhaps by slowly gaining the skills you need to do that.
Agreed. I'm in a similar position with relatives - just that I'm older than you, and thus can actually try to gain independence.
Is there a reason you can't work on moving out? Don't you have adult rights at 18? Can you segue into it slowly, even if you cannot outright move out? Such as move as much of your life as you can under your own control, and gradually have less and less to do with your relatives? The added bonus of such a stealthy approach is by the time you are ready to leave and not have them in your life so much, they're already accustomed to it so there's less drama.
To me it seems the linchpin is income. If you are financially independent, you can then afford your own accommodation and don't have to live with them, you can afford to cover your own needs and thus don't have to placate them because you still need financial help, etc.
If you're not dependent, it's easier to have leverage with people like this. You can then call out the behaviour and stipulate that if they don't cut this out and stop behaving this way toward you, you won't tolerate it and won't see them anymore. If you're dependent, emotionally abusive people seem to believe you are powerless, you're "stuck" with them and therefore, they can do whatever they like and there will be no consequences. Being more independent takes the power out of their position and makes you better able to set your own terms, in my opinion.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
03 Dec 2017, 3:36 pm
