I want to kill myself

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I hate my life soooo much. I have no one here to help me, I'm so alone, I'm scared. When I had so much trouble breathing, I wish I died then. If I was dead, I wouldn't have to deal with my sister & my dad, sometimes my grandmother get me very angry too. It would be better if I died in my sleep. My life is not worth living.

Hugs

Would it help you to feel a bit less lonely and afraid to talk to someone or share your feelings here? I'll listen.

Are you in a safe place now?

Relatives can definitely make you feel like that.
But the upside is often they can be there to help you in turn, if you put up with all their drama. Can't they be of help?
There are good things in life outside them. I can commiserate - sometimes life feels dominated by them and you can't escape. But there's still worth left in life. Just a few bad relations aren't enough to hurt yourself.
If you're having health issues, couldn't you seek help and support in a medical capacity?

If you think you might do it. I would reccomend talking to a professional. If they feel you are in actual danger then they might recommend a mental hospital. They are not a fun place, but they are a place to meet people, be safe, and learn of the root cause. I met two friends there.

Have u tried talking to them in a way they will listen, without resorting to threats of harming yourself or emotional blackmail?

I can see how they would be necessary but they might be seen as just "attention seeking", that's the only reason I say that, and of course I am not saying you ever did that in the first place, but some people do cos they feel it's the only way they will be heard.

I'm sure deep down they love you and care a great deal about you, and if you are feeling that way because of their treatment of you then you really should talk to them, you never know, they might start treating you like a relative, and not just a hindrance (cos going by your post it seems they are seeing/treating you like you're nothing more than a burden to them and that's not very fair, even if you are a bit of a handful at times, not to mention that it's unlikely that they actually DO only see you as that, so if I'm right about that then it needs addressing and fast).

Maybe they just don't fully realise just how sensitive you are and assume that you know that they don't really mean it?

This is a clichè I know, but a necessary one. Try to imagine how these relatives and your other relatives and your friends and associates would feel if you did, and let that be your guardian angel until you feel upto opening up. It works for me, although I have very different reasons for my suicidal moods that don't involve my relatives bringing me down, cos they don't (lucky me eh).

Think of them and your friends and anyone who would miss you, including pets, and then think of yourself and seek their help.

They would be devastated beyond belief if you took yourself out of this world. I don't know your relatives but I doubt they deserve that, and I'm sure you don't either, it's escape you want, not death. Don't rob yourself of your life to find the proverbial "permanent solution to a temporary problem", you deserve better from life than an early grave.

Is it the only reason you feel you want to end it? And do you have anyone at all you can talk to who would drop everything to save you from yourself? If u have, please call them immediately, or call your local crisis team or samaritans!

I can relate, Kitty; my ex, my parents, certain other people in my life too have made me feel like absolute garbage. Or like they thought and treated me like I was absolute garbage. Can you tell me what happened with your relatives? I had to write a book about all the kinds of mental abuse I suffered to be free of it, and I plan to get it published. Maybe you can do the same.

Kitty4670 I hope my (overlarge) reply helped/helps, if not then I'm sorry. I'm no good at this type of thing and not very tactful. Sorry

It's good to see you. Thanks for the hug

Yes

I talked to my dad on the phone last night, he upset me so much, he blamed me for stuff, he made me feel so bad & he made me cry. He told me I need him to take care of me, I DON'T NEED him!! I'm not a child, he made me feel like I'm very badly handicap & I'm too stupid to know what I'm doing. We never got very close, I was more closer to my mom, she accepted my Asperger. My dad got me depressed, after a good night sleep, I felt better. I have VERY VERY BIG problems with my sister & my grandmother don't care to learn or believe me about my Asperger. I wish I can move & not tell my family, they can get me more angry than anything.

Well if it's that bad maybe you should move out. How long you gotta wait til you're old enough to do that? Or are you old enough already but can't afford to?

My parents were being emotionaly abusive to me when I was living there and it made me attempt suicide. Ive been regretting it ever since because now my health is screwed up. It would not have happened if I would have gotten help from professionals sooner. Once they helped me move out things were a lot better with me and my family.

Perhaps you should seek help.

I think about people who have died and would do anything to take their place since they seem to have so much more to remain alive for than me but then I think of how far I have came in life, in an actual substance, life is a thick and cloying substance. It's not simple to navigate if you and your needs are not simple, I have fought as far as I have reached, each step is its own plateau, keep moving forward and toward pleasant space, and remember that you are worth as much as anybody else. You have more to live for than you currently allow to drift into your vision and I would be appalled if you died before you are naturally/randomly supposed to die. Don't miss out on more than this, this is the lowest you can go, to want to off yourself, there is more ahead, eventually.