Another year ending in failure

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When 2016 ended, I wanted 2017 to be better. After ten years of suffering for so long, I longed for a break. But nothing went the way I wanted it to go. Socializing, education, and hobbies, everything ended in failure. I am already on the verge of snapping and I don't want to live to see 2018. If I could just die in my sleep on the 31st, I would finally be at peace.

Hello. Im a failure at many things too. Well its more like I didnt bother trying in the first place because I know how badly it would go. But yes, I have failed. And you know what? I just dont care that I have failed. I stick with the limited things I CAN do and forget about the rest. Im not saying that you should not care. Thats hard to do when your young and overwhelmed. Maybe I dont care as much now because Im older.

I feel like my body just needs to die just like a malfunctioning machine needs to be destroyed.

If you feel that way just give up for a while. Maybe things will make more sense after a long rest.

Sleeping is only a temporary break for me. Once I wake up, I feel miserable once again.

Give up for a while? I feel like I should just give up for good by shooting my brains out.

Everything I've tried to do in life has failed as well. And I was suicidal for 20 years, so I do know how that feels. But I've come to see the world as this insane, hostile place that wants me dead, and I refuse to give it the satisfaction.

Life doesn't care about me but maybe death will accept me.

Please dont say that.

What should I say? I live in a world where everything never goes the way I want it to go.

I'm homeless. I just sold two guitars yesterday to a pawn shop for $250. After napping (poorly) in my car today, i went to my bank to deposit $200. How tired was I? Instead of placing the money in the cash receptor of the ATM, I placed it in the check receptor. As a result, I jammed the ATM after it returned just $60 to me.

IOW, we all make mistakes and everything doesn't always go our way. Such is life. I'm confident I'll be getting my lost $140 back next week, so no sense in crying over it.

Hang in there. Sometimes you'll feel like singing a song, sometimes you'll just want to sit in a corner and avoid the world. Those are the ups and downs of life. Happens to us all, from presidents to rock stars to princes to paupers.

Read up on Sandy Koufax. Great pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

He sucked as a pitcher for a long time before he became a great pitcher.

Those must have been some great guitars, Red Robin!

Yeah, they were. I'd even replaced the heads with locking ones. You think the pawn shop would care about that? Not a chance!

We all know how pawn shops are!

I had an exceptionally difficult 2017 as well. It was one of the hardest years of my life. Funny thing is (and psychologists acknowledge this as real, by the way), people tend to have alternating good and bad years, and alternating good and bad days. So I'm banking on 2018 being a different year. Why don't you dip your toes into 2018 and see how the water feels?

I hope you kept something to strum on red Robin.
And that your future improves.