I ache for physical affection.

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I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about cuddling; because that often sounds better than sex. There are nights where I shiver and curl up in a ball, wanting nothing more in the entire universe than to be in a girl's loving embrace. I constantly dream about a girl wrapping me in her arms, stroking my hair, kissing me goodnight and falling asleep with me. And I know that's not masculine, but I don't really care at this point.

Sometimes when I see couples hug at school- which is everyday, and throughout the day -I feel physical pain in my chest as I long to be in the guy's position. Sometimes I even look up pictures of couples snuggling in the vain hope that it'll put me at ease, but it only makes it worse. It's getting to the point where hugging a girl for more than a few seconds feels like fantasy.

I've only been hugged by a girl twice in recent years; once a couple months ago when I was crying in the hallway (long story), and on Valentine's Day of 2016 when I confessed my love to a childhood friend before she told me that she doesn't want to date in school (longer story). The latter was particularly memorable because she's a bit on the chubby side. She was so warm to the touch, and her clothes made her nice and soft, it was just so amazing, and I hated that it only lasted for a few fleeting moments; I would've been happy to be frozen in time in that very instance.

I feel cold and drained all the time; cold because I never get any body heat, and drained because I just want it so badly. I did start dating my first girlfriend earlier this year, but we're long-distance, so that doesn't help much. And her dad doesn't want us dating until she's in college, so I might not even be able to embrace her next time we meet in person.

I want this to be over already. I've been skin hungry for so long now. I want to be able to go to sleep knowing that I'll never feel these things again. I'm scared of the chance that no moment like that will never come. I know there are professional cuddlers, but I want to cuddle up to a girl because of love, not because of a business transaction.

today I was listening to very informative podcasts by Becca Lory (spectrumly speaking).
She mentioned that need, and talked about having a therapy dog.
The therapy dog naturally did all those things (gave that sense of weight, affection, companionship, she said it even sits on top of her that helps with that),
and not only that
she said it helps her meet people and it's easier to talk because the dog becomes the ice breaker. She even tells people it IS her therapy dog so they understand the autism bit, and it normalizes it.

Please look into it for the meantime and it will help long term in many ways. I hope you meet your girlfriend soon.

Pets can help. I have a cat and I love petting her and sometimes I lay my head on her side and listen to her purr/heartbeat. It's very relaxing.

I've been there and it's torture. Sounds like there's potential for a real relationship to develop though, hope that works out for you.

katosohoyo,

I have a dog, but he doesn't like being cuddled; he'll growl and try to get away if you hug him. He hides under my parents' bed a lot, too; he's a bit of a loner. He'll come up to let me pet him on the head sometimes, but that's pretty much it.

But thank you all for replying.