“Meltdown” is the new tantrum + other stuff

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*******I promise I won’t delete anything I say in this thread. I’m sure because, it feels completely right to post all of this. It has to come out.

So, feel free to reply, anyone.*******



My sister calls her kid’s tantrums, “meltdowns”. It really undermines real autistic meltdowns.

If I was to say a word, she would come up with something truly evil-angry (as if she was saying “I want you DEAD.”)

I’ve been crying tonight, again, because she came over with her kids yesterday. It mostly went well, but it was clear who the favourites were in the family. It just hurts so much. My nephew, who’s only 3 years old, started throwing hard toys at me. That was NOT what hurt me, or even remotely upset me. He’s 3 years old and his behaviour towards me wasn’t remotely malicious. No. It was the fact that he would do that to other family members and he would be told off by the others for it. When he threw them at me, nobody else except me told him off and my family just made excuses for his behaviour, as if it was OK for him to throw the first hard toy at me, and continuously throw more hard toys at me, without my family batting an eyelid. It was as if they didn’t want me to tell him off. I was completely calm and rational.

I’m not nothing. OK? I’m NOT nothing. I don’t deserve this treatment.

And I don’t think, after all the sh!t autistics go through with real meltdowns, that they should be made lightly by the fact a cow like my sister mistakes it for a tantrum.

To add more (Face of Boo would like this) her ex partner who she had kids with - earns a decent salary, at least £50k, maybe even more. My sister spends this on designer clothes for her and her two children. Lots of pairs of shoes, really nice coats...this all includes the children too. They have lots of nice shoes, coats and clothes. Her partner can’t afford all of it, and has stopped her card a few times. It’s oh so awful and embarrassing for her, and she’s so poor. Yes, poor. Because her partner won’t let her spend money. She, my mother and nan use the word POOR. Because apparently she “can’t even afford food”. She goes to my mum and nan, and whimpers and cries that she’s poor and helpless in all of this.

My mum, nan, and sister all agree that my sister should treat herself to nice things, “Because why not treat yourself every now and then?” they say. On top of that, my whole family, including mum’s partner, all give my sister money. Because she’s poor. They buy tons of stuff for her kids too.

I have rent to owe. I won’t have anymore after this. My sister’s partner, who happens to be a nice person, told me the family would help me out with rent. I got a little from my nan, but that was it. I was told by mum’s partner that the money I borrowed from him, I have to pay it all back. He isn’t helping me out with anything at all. I asked him for help, he won’t help me. My mum says she can’t. Sister? Forget it. Not only that, but mum only just told me the other day how much mum’s partner had supported my sister, financially too.

They all call my mum’s partner, “granddad pete” as an “honourary title” because of how much he’s helped the family. I asked how is he a granddad when he told me several times that I was not his daughter.

My mum will say “I love you”, so will my nan, and there’s no emotion behind it. My mum doesn’t answer most of my calls, and I hardly even call her.

I’m furious and hurting at the same time. My housing situation in the past 3 years was delayed because my mum kept lying to me, and didn’t care about the outcome of what happened to me. All she was concerned about was my diagnosis and how they got that wrong. She didn’t even bother telling me the important things.

When I told my mum my friend had a heart condition, she was acting concerned and trying to suppress a giggle.

Mum also used to keep asking me the same questions repeatedly, and she would do it with a guilty look on her face, until I yelled at her. She would do it on purpose to provoke me. Her partner followed and did the same as her, it reminded me of a couple of bullies at school.

My impression reading your post is your life is very different to mine and yet similar at the same time. Like me you have been treated like the lowest on the hierarchy because of having an autistic spectrum disorder.

My intuition is that we people with ASDs need to gain more influence in society, by being in parliament and holding other top positions so we can get people to stop taking advantage of our weaknesses and be respected.

Similar to how women are getting a lot more respect in countries where they make up a larger proportion of the members of parliament, as compared to countries like Saudi Arabia where they are largely unrepresented.

I don't really mind the title issue, if correctly understood. I have children and I learned that wheather something should be called a "tantrum" or "meltdown", what really helps is giving the child space to calm down. I don't mean giving them what they want, just putting them in some silent place until they become calm.

But the real issue is not the title but you being unfairly treated by the family.
I saw a lot of hostility stemming from misunderstandings between NT and ASD and then growing into real, independent units of hostility. It seems to me, something like this have happenned in your family
I have no idea of what could be done about it.

Sounds like you are the family scapegoat