How to think positively if no positive things in my life?

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There aren't many things I enjoy to focus on. The only things I really enjoy are posting in my journal and eating my favorite foods. My job is ok but it doesn't really suit me, I can't work enough to escape poverty, and there are no other jobs available. There is a computer game I like but I eventually have trouble focusing, and compulsive playing is hurting my wrist a little. I like reading but all the other problems make focusing difficult.

I'm bad at my hobbies because of disabilities, struggling to lose weight because of disability, the types of books I like are no longer being written, music often makes me sad, there aren't many movies that I like.

I don't really want friends right now, don't want to date, and I'd have a lot of trouble even if I did want to because I live in a small town far from other towns (which I chose because of disability). I can't get out of town much because I have no car and little money. No relationship with family, I don't even know how to get in contact, and we're all dysfunctional anyways.

I don't like my apartment, it's always cold, and I want to live closer to nature but I will never be able to afford it. I feel trapped and controlled. I have chronic insomnia that I don't know how to fix. I don't know how to calm my body down at night. I freak out at sudden noises and my heart starts beating fast. I can't sleep with anything in/on my ears to block the noise.

I hate this violent, racist, misogynistic society. I have intrusive memories of people who disrespected me. I don't really enjoy posting on forums much. No time to volunteer because my own life is a mess: weird work schedule, not enough sleep, and I'm struggling to keep my apartment clean.

So what kind of positive stuff can I focus on? I actually already think about things being worse; that doesn't help because it leads to morbid, violent thoughts of stuff I could be suffering through. I already exercise too.

I think about all the positive stuff that can happen in the future.

I'm not one of those who believe in "positive thinking" or whatever. I believe in realistic thinking.

Well I need something happening in my mind that doesn't anger me and prevent me from falling asleep. Either that or nothing happening in my mind.

Is there anything that makes you laugh?

Do you feel joy when you discover that you've learned something you didn't know previously?

Is there something that makes you really enthusiastic?

You have to speculate to accumulate, youve got to be in it to win it. Carefully considered investments could get you out of this rut.

I myself play video games but let's be real, nobody gets wealthier doing that. I need to stop spending so much time doing it myself to be honest.

You need to put whatever extra time and income you have on getting yourself out of a job that is not your dream, and getting you into whatever situation is.

I recommend you write on a piece of paper every income and expenditure item for a month. Figure this out by reading a few recent bank statements. Ask yourself what you can and cannot live without and see if there are extra savings to be made. Also write down how many hours you spend doing different things every day. Working, cleaning, talking to people, travelling, playing video games, watching TV, reading. Again, what is essential and what is expendable if you look at your long term goal?

Now what to do with the extra time and money? You have to invest to get a return. Whatever you think your talents are, nurture them. If you want to act, join some amateur productions to build experience. If you see yourself as savvy, research the economy and put a few careful stock investments in a few companies. You could also build on your current interests. You like cooking and have spare time so why not buy a long plant pot to put by the window and grow herbs in it?

With the disability, what help do you need? Have you researched as much as you can? Is there something you might be overlooking? Maybe there is some free help out there and you could be getting it.

I think that I have figured it out. I don't have to focus on the positive; I just have to stay focused on the present moment. My mind wandering to the past is my biggest problem, so I just have to stop doing that rather than looking for a distraction.

There are some "positive" things which could happen when you "least expect it."