I want to be NT

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I'm tired. I just can't take it anymore. I don't want to live in constant chaos. I don't want those autistic jokes to hurt me so bad, that I think about committing suicide. I feel so deeply misunderstood. I don't know what do to anymore. I'm scared of the future. I feel like all I can do is hide from everything. I feel like I have to fake my way through. I feel like running away from home, and have been feeling like that since I was 10. But yet I have no where to go, and no place to be accepted.

It gets better. Really.
Hoewever you should ask someone for help about the suicidal thoughts, a school psychologist or a trusted teacher perhaps?

I’m homeschooled. I just talked to my mom, but yet her encouraging words still don’t help. (Please don’t judge.) I’m a Christian, I know suicide is bad, but I literally can’t take it anymore.

> I Want To Be NT

Me too.

You do? How come, Mr. Darmok?

Ok.I don't think that suicide is a sin but if you had professional help then your life could be easier and more enjoyable.
Your fear of the future could stem from being homeschooled and therefore somewhat out of touch with the outside world. If that is the case then you can tackle your fear simply by asking to be given more responsibilities, and by starting some outdoor activities.

Also keep in mind that your brain still has 6-8 years of development to go through, chaos wont be for ever.

I felt the same, or a similar way, when I was 16.

You have a long life ahead of you.

You seem like an intelligent person. Do you have any particular thing which really excites you?