I am so stress-averse and stubborn I can't do anything

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I find it impossible to force myself to do things I don't want to or don't feel comfortable with, which makes job hunting/going to bed/chores/etc. impossible. With some things I can never stand the thought of doing them, and when I do manage to force myself to I feel deeply unhappy, despairing, sometimes suicidal. Which puts me off forcing myself even more. I feel like the only coping strategy for stress I learnt was to run away from it so that is what I default to every time and I have no idea how to rewrite that.

Other things I would happily do but they just don't feel right at this moment and because they feel wrong, I don't do them. I just can't. So I stay up until five in the morning because going to bed never felt right. And I know most people would be like well just do it anyway but I just can't force myself to. It doesn't happen. I'm not sure if this is autistic inertia or executive dysfunction or whether it even has a name.

I hate my life and I desperately wish I could change it but I seem to lack the ability to do anything about it. It seems like such a stupid problem to have, I swear everybody else just grits their teeth and does stuff they don't want to anyway but for some reason my brain just will not let me and it doesn't seem logical at all to the point where I'm even sitting here wondering whether what I've written is even true because it doesn't make sense to me even though I KNOW it's true. It's very frustrating.

Has anyone been through this and found a solution to it?

I have been through the same and did not come through it I hope you do.

I'm sorry And thank you.

I suck at this, too.

I just can’t go beyond A CERTAIN POINT in many things.

I need, sometimes, to be pushed hard to do things.

I wonder if “baby steps” might work for Dancing Queen. Doing things slowly, without feeling forced to do things. Progressing at your own pace.

Just close your eyes and rush into it headlong and come coasting out the other side. By the time you open your eyes you've already got the job.

Of course I'm speaking metaphorically. What I mean is that if you can detach yourself from the situation, by the time you reground yourself you may have already succeeded.

Unfortunately, my own pace often seems to be no pace at all



Seems like a plausible solution, how do I detach myself though?

uh, tell me about it...
I feel like I'm a rebel, but I rebel not just against world but also against my own rules lol...
It's like being divided into 2 parts, each wanting the opposite thing...

The best you can do is get some professional guidance, if this is available to you.
For me it isn't, and I actually have some holdbacks (I kindof don't trust anyone's guidance), so I kindof guide myself.
I do this by writing my thoughts down, and little by little, step by step, making things more conscious.

But it is very frustrating haha.. it's so much for 1 person to handle man....

So...
Taking certain action creates extremely strong psychological reactance .

I dont know... i just dont know...

It's just my opinion, but I think that possibly your past experiences+predisposition influenced your mental programming in such a way, that this emotional response has just been potentiated...

Forcing myself to do things I don't want to do, can result in emotional outbursts, such as anger, and even crying..
But the funny thing is, ... this can be solved!
I actually suggest you go and sign up for like a yoga class or pilates class or anything that involves group activity that gets you abit out of your comfort zone. Then you will kindof be forced to do things you don't want to do, and you'll probably enjoy it, and maybe have few people in your exercise class who will be able to commiserate with you =) Plus you'll probably feel really good about yourself
And with time, your ability to make yourself do what needs to be done (and you know you need that... like, alot! -- your bills need paying, etc, right?) will hopefully be enhanced.
So yea this is my theory, I did this to some extent in the past and I know I was in a better place then than now, so I'll probably go try this out now too

Best wishes.

Just tell yourself that victory is garunteed. Of course you know it isn't really guaranteed, just tell yourself that for the purposes of achieving detachment. Use willing suspension of disbelief (just like when you're watching a movie). It's how I got my job.

Alternatively, if the above doesn't work for you, you could try the opposite approach. Tell yourself that you've already failed utterly. Since you've already failed, that means you have nothing to lose. Now take a chance and see if you can make the situation even slightly better. Even if you can't, you've already failed anyway so even if you achieve nothing at all, you haven't lost anything.

As for social anxiety, drink a big cup of coffee, get yourself pumped and tell yourself that you've already gotten so good at feigning charisma that it's indistinguishable from the real thing, therefor it is the real thing. If you can pull off this self-desception once it will give you more confidence the next time and more the next time and eventually your charisma will truely be the real thing and there will be no more need for self-description.

Yeah, the problem is that I can't leave my comfort zone, it's a catch-22 that!



I don't think I could trick myself into the first one, I mean I know I'm lying, so... The second one might work better although I run the risk of admitting I've failed life, which makes me suicidal. I usually try to avoid that thought as much as possible.

I think this is essentially what I do every time I talk to somebody. I had someone tell me once that I alternated between being very confident and very underconfident and he found it weird (rightfully so tbh). I don't think of it in those terms because I've been doing it since childhood when I was too young to understand what I was doing, but I think what you've described is it. I am socially awkward (as people very annoyingly like to keep pointing out when they talk to me) but I wouldn't say it's ruining my life or anything.



Thanks for your responses

I can totally relate- sounds like my executive dysfunction. Right now I'm at my parents house in Virginia and I need to get a job so I can save money to move to los angeles but when I'm here I'm depressed and that's impeding my ability to get a job even though I know the longer I put it off the longer I stay here the worse it is...
I'm bipolar as well though, so I'm kinda hoping I'll just get hypomanic and that'll convince me to do this stuff I need to do, but I've been here 2 1/2 months and so far nothing...

I get this too.

Some days it's easy to just forget all things i have to do/need to do and i just drift through aimlessly. Other days, like today, I can get totally wrapped up in things i have real ambition for, but i'm so put off starting/doing anything because i know i wont get very far and wont be able to follow through with such task.

Much much much frustration.

I do hope you're able to find some solid ground with this, when you do, throw some tips this way lol

I know the feeling. I call it "swimming in custard".
The only advice I have is... watch it come, watch it go, then get on with things. It's a bit of damage limitation, I suppose.

DancingQueen,

I used to go beyond my comfort zone by writing a little success-journal.
So, every time I'd do something which was even a tiny bit outside my comfort zone, I would put a checkmark for that day, and write in few words what I did, and tell myself "Good job, I did exercise and went beyond emotions"
It felt very rewarding, I might try this again.

Good luck, have fun with this as much as you possibly can

That's a good idea, I'll try that, thank you