I can never have friends or love(considering checking out)

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I cannot control my anger or doubt. I hate all of my own mistakes and I cannot stand to not be in control of everything. The moment any friendship or relationship takes a pinch of unpleasant I panic. I do not go out or talk to people enough. I have been kicked out of every group of friends ever. No one likes me because I am annoying and an as*hole. I honestly hate things more than I like things and sort of don't want to deal with things anymore. My parents will get over me.

I am also in the process of hurting myself.

The fact that you are on here now leads me to think you are not an immediate threat to yourself, however this hopelessness is dangerous have you considered looking into medication? I always kind of think Sedatives could be good because they would just relax you to the point you just don't care maybe speak to your GP about it?

Please dont hurt yourself. Please get help.