Depression is cruel

Post Reply New Topic

Just reading a book I want to read at the moment, I am almost unable to. A few pages here and there. But my situation, no one except my mother to provide close face to face, warm, genial, friendly contact makes me demoralised.

This is the thing society is still judgemental about. It berates people who are loners or sensitive as just needing to kick themselves up their ass and get on with things. I haven't given up. I eat homemade meals every day. I don't eat junk food. My apartment is clean and tidy.

But beyond that I am feeling strung out. I think in some ways life today can be summed up like this: the best material comforts we have ever known but worse mental health for everybody. The amount of pre teens now being diagnosed with mental illness is shocking. I think social media, the mass of cars everywhere, the growing gap between the tech savvy go getters and the uneducated is creating serious malaise for people.

I have no answer though. J. G. Ballard wrote about disintegration of society in High Rise, which was a film with Tom Hiddleston recently. What I am saying is nothing that new. Will Self in his novel Great Apes pulls apart the bizarreness of social conventions by making the story a world full of apes who have all our present day technology so they are similar but have different friendship and relationship habits, ones we would find repulsive. But in his story the apes that don't go along with the system get put in mental hospitals. So there are many ways you can look at things. There is pressure to conform with other people even when other people are wrong.

If you don't conform you can become isolated and many of us are in that position. Then you can find yourself too lonely to bother doing whatever career or project you wanting to pursue.

To me it just seems so cruel that our very own bodies, our very own brains attack us with depression when other people have already made us feel bad. Be my friend, brain, not my enemy! I command you!

OMG yes it is, it is one of the most cruel things ever.

When I was 15 I almost succummed, and a couple times when I was older...but by then I had made some promises to myself about not killing myself, a lot to do with my brother. I tried to commit suicide when I was 15 and I think it really hurt him....He didn't want to lose his sister. I mean I hang out with him a lot, but I still feel I can never make up for getting him worried about me killing myself. Can't blame him because I did try to once, and he said some hurtful things about it, but he was hurt and I was trying to do something unreasonable. He actually almost died once so yeah I just can't take it for granted anymore...I had to start treating myself better.