Shame isn't good for anyone

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My mum and my brother used to get angry at me when I was younger when I couldn't fight back against people. I got bullied a lot when I was younger. There was some kids who would gang up on me. Three on one as always. I'd have the bruises on my legs. There is sometimes I never wanted to tell my mum or brother. Somethings I have still never tell them because I can't stand their disapproving looks.
There's been times when my previous assaults from people have left me with anxiety of going outside. But I'm given grief for being scared for going outside when bad s**t has happened to me before.
I'm better these days. I can travel far but it's just that fear and shame that can sometimes come back.

I get so ashamed and upset now whenever someone tags advantage of me or just mentally overpowers me. I always seem to be at risk of this happening a lot. I've had bad experiences in work and education environments through just the fear of this happening really f***s with my head on bad days.
People can take advantage of me and there's little I can do and I feel so ashamed about it every so often.

Tonight set me off. My step dad goes an aggressive tirade about getting a job (I'm unemployed though currently a student). I've just finished a nightmare of a year at uni full of anxiety so not focused on job hunting just now.
I can only listen. I don't feel I have energy to reply back. I'm often too scared to reply back to people. He's an idiot I know but I just can't block it out. Now I feel upset with myself because I couldn't reply back to anything.

I'm so sorry to hear that. And reading this honestly made me so angry. People who abused, bullied and harrassed you are the bad ones, not you. It sounds like you've been abused so much that you've started to blame yourself because of the trauma you endured.
I know it's hard, but i think the best thing you can do is to find a job, even temporary. That way, you can get out of that house too. Your parents sound like they're emotionally abusing you and you don't have to put up for that, you can just stop seeing them if you're financially independent. I wish you the best of luck!

I actually have a good relationship with my mum. She helps me a lot and is more understanding now though I'm very weary round my step dad and sometimes weary of my brother.
Though I still wonder if they all know what one of my bad days is truely like.

Moving out was a right choice though it turned into a disaster.
I have my own house for university in another city 50 miles away just now though it's only been since May it's been hospitable again as it was very cold and isolating. I got it in August but from November to May it was freezing cold due to terrible windows and there was constantly some issue with the house I had to contact my letting agents about. I never made any friends at university so most nights I'd sit there alone in a cold house. I just wish I hadn't signed a 1 year renting contract.
I wrote a story about my house experience in a blog
https://www.aspergermemos.me/single-pos ... -Own-Place

My house lease is up in August.
I think I'll head back to my own house tomorrow. I've over stayed at my mums this week.

I understand, my relationship with my mom is also complicated. And yes, loneliness and looking after the house is kinda hard. It helps that i have a wonderfully kind neighbor next door. I try to make house chores as fun as i can, like listening to music while cleaning and teaching myself to cook different, delicious recipes. One thing i can recommend also is sports. If there's a gym nearby your house it can both be a social activity and exercise. It'll help pass the time faster and will be good for your mental health too.