Feeling weird depression for past while.Kind of Demotivation

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I did a help program at start of the year till just a little while ago. it really helped with problems I had with self-esteem/negativity/anxiety/a lot of the most common depression issues. I think it helped a lot as I don't have generally sad/anxious/bad mood all the time.

It's weird right now because I don't feel depressed in usual sense but have a very hard time with general motivation. Before it was due to negative feelings now it's for seemingly no reason. Just hard to get enthused, hard to follow through with things. Lots of good plans for things but hard to follow through even though there's no perceptible reason why this is. It's also hard to keep up interest with things that used to be obsessions for quite a while.

I was working on making my own mod before doing the program, afterwards I'm having hard time going back to continue it. I also want to learn programing and have found great resources but having difficulties with motivation. It's like I don't have the energy for it. Or maybe I'm becoming more NT where I possibly don't have obsessive interests anymore. Main thing I looked forward to from doing the help program would be having more energy to pursue my interests and not being bogged down by sadness.

Most of depression for me is/was lack of motivation; it's a very common thing that I think I'd be right in saying is more time-consuming than the "sad" part of depression. In fact for every minute of "I want to die" I'd have 72 hours of "everything's too hard/I can't be arsed/I just want to lay here forever". I needed SSRIs to give me the boost to do something and now I can spot when that lack of motivation is coming, and can usually get what I need to do done beforehand.

Have you seen a doctor for your depression?

1 to 2 years ago. Had the opposite problem to now, I'd stay up all night a lot of times gaming or watching anime felt a lot of sadness/negativity so maybe it was a coping thing. But now it's hard to get motivated to do those things even in a normal amount. I don't feel sad so much as just feeling lazy, and have neutral self esteem where it used to be very negative. Life doesn't feel depressing so much as just sort of boring.

I have SSRI though I am at a minimal dose whereas 6 months ago it was very high. I theorize it might be interfering with the brain's reward mechanisms. I do stuff I like but don't get a "boost" just kind of feel the same. Hopefully going off the medication sometime would help fix this. Lately I would watch shows I like but get a feeling I should watch it later/another day as I was not getting the expected level of enjoyment. I watch a pretty large variety of anime so I don't think it's burnout. I switch it up often and go with different genres, usually won't be the same type unless I really like a show in which case I will watch season 2 or another similar one.

I accept those past behaviours with gaming/anime as probably my Aspergers trait as they're pretty much my special interest, so I feel it might be unfortunate to lose them.

Well you could try going off medication as sometimes it does weird things to you. Maybe my medication is doing the same with me because I have been feeling blah lately and not very motivated. But it could just be pms.

Best of luck to you. I hope you can be cured soon!

Well you could try going off medication as sometimes it does weird things to you. Maybe my medication is doing the same with me because I have been feeling blah lately and not very motivated. But it could just be pms.

Best of luck to you. I hope you can be cured soon!

I'm thinking about doing that, tried a couple days so far. I have been on smallest dose for quite a while. 5mg now whereas it used to be 45mg 1 year ago. I read from google some stuff about SSRIs potentially blocking the reward centers in the brain and to me that seemed to be what's going on. It's hard to keep habits because I don't get the emotional boost/reward from it, I just sort of feel the same either way.

I feel some concerns that it could make me be more lazy on a job when I do find one.

Wellbutrin to combat my antidepressant’s tiring effect was the only thing that helped

It also helps with anxiety in general n focus. I wish there was an easy answer but everything with meds seems to be trial and error. Plus Drs don’t seem too helpful.

My dr didn’t make the Wellbutrin suggestion I researched + asked on forums.

I think having an external person to help motivate you (you can assign them to call n help u n monitor u) might be a good idea