I hate PTSD

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But so what that is a thing I have to deal with. I mean for the most part I've got it under control and it doesn't effect my life as much. But of course it so happens to do with a shooting situation when I was in highschool and well I have been hearing a lot about shootings lately...so it puts me on edge some. So the other day there were kids playing too close to the back sliding glass door of my apartment and at one point one of them must have run into it or something and anyways it was loud and sudden. So I kind of dived/fell on the floor and than couldn't get up for like 20 minutes aside from sort of pushing myself off the ground...crawled into my room to use the bed to help stand. Its a small apartment so it wasn't far. Still freaking stupid, I mean how the hell is that going to help if I actually get into a real situation like that again where the bang isn't just some stupid kid carelessly running into my apartment door but someone actually shooting a gun. I guess at best I could play dead and hope I don't get shot.

Im really sorry you are worried about such things. If this is a real problem for you maybe you could move to a town with a low crime rate. I live in a small town in Canada and dont have to worry about gun violence or walking alone at night.

The only thing I worry about is walking through an intersection. I worry about getting hit by a car.

You could try talking to a therapist about some of your fears. It might help.

Well in the U.S a small town with a low crime rate doesn't really matter, you can still end up with an active/mass shooter situation. I lived in such a town when that incident happened at my school. But yes that sort of crime can happen anywhere here. Plus it wouldn't be very realistic for me and my boyfriend at this point. He has a job where we are and I am working with a program called voc rehab to get work.

That said I have come to terms with it, for the most part..I went to trauma therapy and so I have the psychological pretty well under control. But I can still get physically triggered and I know that is what it is when its happening but that doesn't stop the reaction. I mean its like adrenaline or whatever so it still has to run its course no matter how much I tell myself or am aware that there is no actual threat.

What I worry about though is sometimes I'll be walking and as*holes honk their horn loudly...I mean usually I assume they are honking at a car, but I am sure a couple times they've done it just to be an ass why people want to honk at pedestrians to startle them IDK. I usually at least jump a bit, but I worry about having that more extreme reaction...which would be really embarrassing in public.

You hear about pioneering research into drugs that, in effect, cause selective amnesia, to treat PTSD. Maybe ten years from now they will be able to give you a pill for it.

But until then there isn't much you can do about it. Only what you have already been doing, which is getting talk therapy for it. Which is great.

Just keep plugging away in moving forward in your life, like you have already been doing.

Police say to do these things in order:

1. Run (if you can, safely etc.)
2. Hide (if you can't escape, so at least your instinct is the #2 reco.)
3. Fight (if necessary.. like if you're gonna die you may as well go down fighting.)

IMO, there are other drugs besides cannabis that can and should be utilized to self medicate & treat PTSD symptoms. Medical studies are currently being done that prove this deeper and deeper. One can wait until doctors tell them it's in their best interest to do these things, or, just do them. Namely, the two substances that show the best promise at relieving PTSD symptoms are Psilocybin (Natural, and proven in studies to be the safest recreational drug known to man w/ no known toxic dose) & MDMA. (chemically synthesized from natural ingredients & requires much more careful usage as toxicity/overdose are possible) One can do these things solo, experience them, and realize the symptom alleviating affects on their own. Alternatively, they're being used in conjunction with talk therapy sessions that are proving to be magnitudes more effective than talk therapy on their own. If you've ever ingested either substance, especially MDMA, then you'll understand exactly why - as people's inhibitions & barriers are completely dropped, which allows for open and honest discussion and facing fears and anxieties without fear or anxiety. Do your own research, talk to your doctor, contact the medical schools conducting studies & volunteer as a patient etc.

<--- No drug in the world would ever let him walk up to a pitbull and rub its head.

Huh?

edit: I'm guessing you had a very bad experience with a pitbull.

Ever seen video footage of people doing "exposure therapy," to face & overcome their fears? Difficult stuff for a lot of people.

Based on my experiences as a psychonaut I bet ya there are drugs in this world that could get you to do exactly that.. my money would be on a low dose of MDMA and/or GHB - but you'd have to try every drug in the world just to be sure.

Do you have a decent support system apart from your boyfriend?