Why being Autistic male is a burden?!

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I just don't understand why it appears my life such a burden to you? I can't believe I am still facing discrimination every single day by all people. I am hurt right now because I lost two good friends because they snap out of contact. Why people are so cruel and being so against by who I am?! Why being Autistic is such a burden? Why life is WAY TOO hard for me like harder than everything if I tried to walk if I have no legs! Imagine trying walking with that. Society is completely inaccessible and exclusive for people like me since education and awareness is completely out of touch. That resulting people creating prejudice, discrimination and leaving me behind.

I tried my best being a decent human being of being the Mathew Townsend. I am very healthy, happy, proactive, efficient and caring person. Why always people mistreat by who I am? It is because I am quirky? Communicates differently? Too direct? Too honest? Too focused on making plans? I explained all of my life burdens and situations with my counselors for years and they kept saying it not my problem. So why kept focusing on attacking me that makes me being isolated and left out? Why people kept saying I need mental health therapy while all of my psychologists kept saying I do not since they observed my self activities where makes me healthy and happy. I agreed with them because I know it.

I have been doing ALOT of things. It makes me happy and focused. Right now I am feeling so pressured by other human beings who always give me hard time. I don't understand why people always single me out and don't see me. I do NOT have a social privileged brain. My brain is wired to intelligent, openness and caring. I am still sociable but in different way. So why mistreat and left me behind then? Is it because you don't understand me. I need answers.

I don't think it's got's anything to do with you being male , and thread titles like this will just bring you the wrath of certain female posters.

On another note I just checked out Mathew Townsend videos on youtube and noticed that the most viewed video is of a hailstorm , I wonder how many of the 2.4k viewers were autistic

I remember making a thread with a bit similar title in the general autism forum.

I guess maybe that being male does have some unique problems for autistics, but again I admit that it's the same for females on the spectrum too.

Males have problems attributable to their gender.

Females have problems attributable to their gender.

Most problems, however, transcend gender.

Prescribed cultural roles of males, among other things, may impose a different burden on AS men.

AS women are also affected by this, though seem to have more ability to cope with those pressures.

Individual differences mean that some men cope far better than others. Famous AS actors like Anthony Hopkins, for example.

Once again, I think probably the "Bell Curve" would describe the range of coping abilities. Those in the left tail deviation from the mean of the curve possibly think their experience is more typical than it actually is, and think others experience the same feelings and coping ability in the same exact ways; but the diversity is quite large.

I rarely met a NT male in similar experiences as me ever suffer isolation, rejections and discrimination from their peers and networks. They are more proven as successful because he get social acceptance, have a relationship and job with good money. So why prove me like other Aspie males a burden? Is it because we act differently, more like being quirky, intelligent, different social and communication patterns and that? Do we need a therapy to become like a NT? I can't see this possible because you know that our Autistic brains are wired that way, and it only way to be.

Hence I learned to be myself, being who I am accepting my own privileges and successes. I find this problematic that society view me negatively because I am different. That why I tried to raise awareness but rarely get amount of support such as likes, comments and conversations both social media and in person. I tried my best of who I am. I can't believe this is still going for more than 5 years. I am stuck in horrible 20's lifestyle. Women hates me because they kept rejecting me. Employers always prejudice on my quirks but my skills, qualifications and experiences are good.

So is it I should be stop doing what I do and pretend to be NT redneck to get privileges and acceptance? I find this very funny and obvious because I see lots of NTs not being themselves get lot of acceptance like jobs, love, sex, friends and everything while the ones appear have social anxiety and mental health problems because they are trying to be themselves.

*looking at the world NT problems*

I got treated like s**t in highschool and at work. Now that I dont work or go to school I can keep to myself and avoid being treated like s**t. When I used to have friends they also would treat me like s**t. Now that I keep to myself I dont have that problem. I dont know why people are such as*holes. Maybe the key to not getting treated like s**t is to avoid the as*holes. Not all people are like this though. I had one friend that was very respectful of me. Nice people are rare.

Yep...avoiding the as*holes is definitely the prescription.

I try to avoid them whenever possible.

Its really hard to avoid as*holes because if we keeping ourselves more alone, it leads to isolation and mental health problems when come in play for not participating in society. Prejudice is biggest problem in 21st century now. We relate to similar issues as to indigenous people. They face racism and ongoing discrimination today.

Other relating matter, I can't understand why Aspie women here in my city dislike me so much. I find so difficult to get conversation with them, nor maintain friendships with them. The NT ones, especially introverted ones are so much easier because they are open minded and great listeners. I think lot of Aspie females are very insecure. This relates to my earlier point of why they are mostly in relationships. It make themselves vulnerable more by having boyfriends, rarely long term to keep themselves out of trouble. Hence insecure and frantic.

Then go for the Introverted NTs. Forget the aspie women, they are so few in the world anyway so your dating pool wouldn't be affected much.

We have problems specific to our gender and our autism, and ones we all share as a people.
They don't have to be a burden, though.

It's very easy to create external enemies of our own problems and burdens ("Oh, these damn normie as*holes!" or "I'm right, everyone else is wrong!!"). In ways, it's healthy to vent! But...it stops us addressing our problems and burdens in a more practical way.

You have to remember that while you have autism it is just one thing about you, it isn't all that you are. It's also okay to be autistic and it shouldn't matter if others agree with that or not. The sooner you detach what others are doing from what you are doing, and what they think you are versus what you're trying to be, the better you will feel and the better things will go for you. After all, does it really matter if everyone's an as*hole if you behave like an as*hole in retaliation? You might as well be joining them in some way or another.

And, if you do insist on comparing yourself to others, and observing mostly their negative behaviour, you can at least use that as an opportunity to apply it to some introspection. Find this wisdom to use this knowledge you have about others so that you do not embody any of those negative traits (consciously or subconsciously). Noting that others are being unsavory people, while not working towards being a good person is not ideal.

I hope you find clarity in being who you are, and realise you are more than what you think.

Don’t flatter yourself. I doubt aspie women actively dislike you that much, they’re just indifferent. There’s a difference. Also: project much? If anyone sounds insecure & frantic, it is you.

I was trying to dress this up in a nice way, seeing as it's The Haven. But hey ho.
Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind, hobo lady.

Ecomatt, you vacillate between tooting your own horn and blaming other people for not giving you what you want and think you deserve. You have quite a long way to go before reaching psychological maturity, so stop blaming everyone else, start reconsidering your own role in the rejections, and open your mind to some changes.

I know you'll just reply "Why should I have to be the one to change? Why can't everybody else?" See how far that attitude takes you.

You are, in my view, minimizing the effect that deafness has on your communication problems. Having autism and deafness together is a double challenge. But it is futile to blame other people for your loneliness. Lower your standards a little (you: "Why should I have to?") and work on getting a date, never mind a relationship. You have HEAPS to learn. I don't think it is beyond possibility, but it won't happen so long as you remain so defensive.

Sorry, I must be one of those “insecure aspie females”.

Lowering my standards will make my life even more uncomfortable and out of touch. It like not being myself. I don't want to become an alcoholic, tattoo artist and those crap of selfish lifestyles where people put themselves down on their standards to be like someone else. This what I am be very careful of what I am doing, taught from my psychologists and set examples from witnessing people I know in my life who developed mental health problems from lowering their standards.

The problem I face, like many of us Aspies is prejudice. We can't change ourselves. You got to accept that. That is most important part of loving and accepting who you are. Prejudice is when people impacting your identity creating misinformation and miscommunication plaguing through the society and media. Western countries are pretty good at prejudice, encompassing discrimination, and even racism against 'different' identities of people.

I have stopped asking women out on date for more than a year now because there is no one interested in me nor I am interested in them because they are too highly toxic extroverted, party animals, bad personalities, doesn't talk to me nor respond to me and everything. They are mostly immature from my lens, and many already have boyfriends. So am I psychologically immature compared to them? Hmm, well all of my psychologists, families and friends who knew me well said I am not immature to them. There's a difference in level of understanding who you are, hence people understand you. That is ironic statement of what you said about psychological immature.

Who are more psychologically immature? The women taking lot of rebound relationships, suffering mental breakdowns of don't want to be single. Going out with alpha male violent boyfriends. Going out partying get drunk twice a week etc. So in your lens, very similar to NTs lens seeing many lonely and single Aspie males in their 20s are psychologically immature? We all have been bullied, tortured, stigmatised, stereotyped, harassed, labeled and attacked by socially privileged and popular personality types of people. Media portrayed peer pressure in social world, hence privileged people see us as bad to the world.

I hope you understand this clearer now. I was recently attended to conferences, networking events, public speaking and being a keynote speaker. I have experience in professional social world due to socially mature people being around me. Unfortunately they are mostly older than 35, and married. Not many young people are committed saving the world, hence causing identity crisis by protesting, stigmatising others like feminists rallies attacking disabled young women etc.