Families - very isolated

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Hi, I've just turned 36. Was diagnosed with Asperger's only three years ago. This has helped me make sense with the world and make peace with a lot of my past.

I have been thinking a lot about how isolated I am from my family and how it is affecting my kids. My parents have a very close relationship with my siblings children but not mine. One on my children is nearly ten and never had a day out with her gran but her other grandchildren regularly go on holidays with her.

Today I tried to tell them about how i felt. Tried to explain that I've always felt isolated even as a child. Also said its not fair on my children not to have that relationship with them.

Was basically told I've isolated myself not their fault and they don't want anything else to do with me. I'm shaking with anger and frustration.

Does anyone else have similar issues? We live close to each other but if I don't ask them to see the kids they wouldn't bother. Now it all seems to have ended

Thanks in advance

Wayne

I'm not sure I got the whole conversation from you. What exact words did they say about seeing your kids and your role in that?

Do they send cards and gifts for the kids' birthdays, Christmas, etc?

The text I sent to my mum was this

"I dont want you to come round tomorrow. I don't want to be hearing about your holiday with your other grandkids in front of my kids. My oldest is nearly ten next year and never had a day trip out with you. Rather not be listening to it. They are getting older now and asking why they don't go out with you. I have no answers for them"

They visit on their birthdays and only on their birthdays.

The reply was "you have nothing to do with me. Your loss. I'm done with trying"

Not sure what the trying is. We have zero relationship to speak of. Never have done even when I was a child. The key moments in my life when I've needed them the most they haven't been there. A great example was when I told them about my diagnosis my mum said, "well, it's not my fault. You were normal as a kid". It's has literally never been mentioned again.

I fully acknowledge I've isolated myself but I feel I had no choice for my own sanity. I don't feel my relationship with my parents should have any impact on their relationship with their grandchildren

Well, there's where you're wrong. Interactions with you are conflictual and blameful, and your parents don't want to make arrangements because of the friction. There is no way to spend time with grandchildren, without interactions with their parents. So you have caused this rift between your parents and children.