Feeling depressed lately

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I've been able to put Asperger's to the back of my mind and get on with life, but this week it has suddenly got on top of me again.

From September onwards I will literally be the only person in my whole family who has never been clubbing. My cousin, who has learning difficulties and is a bit socially awkward, is going clubbing for the first time in her life with her boyfriend for his birthday in September. And it's real clubbing, in London. Wow. I will now be the only person who has never been clubbing before, and when she gets back she'll probably be telling me all about it and I've got to pretend to be happy for her. Plus all my other cousins are social butterflies so they'll all have clubs, bars and drinking to chat about, while I'd be sitting there feeling like a loser who has no social life.

I seem to be losing touch with my friends too. One is suffering from depression and doesn't seem to want to know me any more, even though we have so much in common and I think we both would feel better if we met up and had a chat and shared our feelings. I'm the only friend she has, as she struggles socially too.

Also it's the football season, and my boyfriend is spending less time with me at the moment because he wants to watch the game and the cup final on Sunday at his apartment. I'll be glad when this is all over.
Also he smokes like a chimney and won't switch to e-cigs or have nicotine gum or anything, and he just wants to carry on damaging his lungs until he drops dead. He coughs on and off all night, but won't get any help. If he does die, not only will I be heartbroken, but my world would be shattered because I won't afford to live alone and so that would mean I'd have to leave the job I love and move back in with my parents. Then my parents will have two miserable grown-up children being a burden.

Things just seem all rosy for other people. Everybody has friends, money, confidence, etc. All my cousins are neurotypicals that just take everything for granted.
I've discussed my temporary depression on a different forum that's not an autism forum, but the replies I got were useless. All the advice was just "finds roommates and lodge with them". I suppose NTs don't understand how important security is for Aspies and how much harder it is to make friends close enough to live with them. So I might as well just stick to WP, where people seem to be more understanding and even offer better advice.

I hate having Asperger's. It denies me of happiness.

Trust me, Joe. You're not missing anything if you don't go "clubbing."

Been there, done that.....stopped quickly!

Football (soccer) is the national obsession in the UK---you can't stop that.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, Joe. This might be a time when I might advocate some "retail therapy" (even though I hate shopping!)

Clubbing is no big deal to miss out on. But there might come a point where you want to go. It costs a lot of money so if you miss out at least you will be saving money.

Im depressed too. Im not living the life I want. I live in town and would be much happier in the country side.

Im not sure what to say about your boyfriends smoking. Its a shame he is doing that to himself. I dont date people who smoke. But Im sure you dont want to break up with him because he smokes.

I just hope my boyfriend's one of those lucky people who live a full life despite smoking. I do like older men, but if he was healthier I would not worry about him dying so quick. Every time I see a packet of cigarettes where it says 'SMOKING KILLS' it gives me a panic attack. I love him so much, but he is just very weak-minded. It doesn't make him a bad boyfriend.

I'm just afraid of being the odd one out. What if my cousin enjoys clubbing and starts going on a regular basis? Then my other (younger) cousin will look up to her. The younger cousin is the total opposite to me. She's extremely social, is literally always at some sort of social event, has lots and lots of friends and it makes her only like social people. My quiter cousin hasn't really got any friends, only her boyfriend and family. But I think this clubbing experience will probably turn her into a social butterfly. I'm just afraid of it. I don't know why it bothers me so much. But it does.

Tell your boyfriend that some weekend soon, you'd like him to take you clubbing, just so you can see what it's all about.

I strongly suspect that once will be enough for you. It certainly was for me.

Hope you feel better soon.

If going to a large, popular bar on a Saturday night counts as clubbing, then I have been clubbing. But there wasn't any loud music. I went there with my boyfriend a couple of times to meet up with some of his friends. But it wasn't dancing to loud music, it was more just people standing around talking and drinking. It was very busy though. But I suppose that don't count as clubbing.

I don't think clubbing is my boyfriend's thing, although he did go when he was 21. Mind you, it's not my cousin's or her boyfriend's thing, but, hey, I suppose God is so desperate to make me an outcast.

Clubbing is not all that it's cracked up to be. I went "clubbing" once and I ended up sitting in the corner drunk and all alone. My brother and my cousins were dancing with the girls and I sat by myself and felt miserable. I was 21, had a decent alcohol buzz on and still was too scared to go dance. Definetely not my idea of fun. I get more entertainment out of going to the library, go figure.

I too have had that nasty feeling that everyone else has a great life and here I am stuck in a rut at age 34. I see all the people I went to school with and they have families, jobs, houses, cars etc etc. I am 34 and live with my parents, no job, no car, no nothing because of my never ending escapades of idiocy regarding drugs and alcohol. Oh well, the piper came back and it's now time to pay him.

My boyfriend used to go clubbing in his late teens but I think it'd be too much to expect him to come, plus he doesn't intense do social situations like clubs, unless he is planning on getting drunk to help himself enjoy it, and I don't like him drunk, it makes me anxious. I don't drink at all, because even getting a little bit tipsy makes me feel sick and I have a phobia of vomiting.

The cousin of mine who is going clubbing in 2 weeks time has said she has never been to any nightclubs before, so now I will definitely be the only one who has never been. And she'll be talking about it with our other cousin, who is heavily into clubbing. It makes me want to shoot myself.

f**k you Asperger's. I hate you. I f*****g hate you more than words can ever say. If Asperger's was alive, I'd call it a c**t. I f*****g hate it. I hate my brain. I want an operation to alter the social part of my brain to turn me into an outgoing social party animal with no social anxieties or barriers.

I really don't care for most "social party animals" myself. They irritate me.

I like a nice, quiet person who's more into board games than in "clubbing."

Maybe the guy's having a "mid-life crisis"--who knows?

I used to go to clubs when I was much younger. They started to be known as clubs by the time I was in my 20's. In my teens, they were known as "discos."

I stopped going to them-----because they didn't serve any purpose. They were noisy. And people tended to get drunk and stupid.

I just think my two female cousins will get cliquey together now. When I said to the extroverted cousin about the shy cousin going clubbing, she was like, "yeah, they are" in a tone of voice that meant "they're finally doing something great, you can't stop them." And now that she knows it gets to me, they will probably be going clubbing together a lot in the future without me knowing. It just hurts because the shy cousin was the only cousin I could relate to, and now if she enjoys this clubbing experience, the extroverted cousin will be all over her.

I just want to sit and cry. This place my shy cousin and her boyfriend are going to is in a really bad part of London. It has an extremely high crime rate, full of gangs, drugs, fights, thieves, stabbings and even shootings. I'm just hoping they might find they don't like it and perhaps go back to their hotel or something. But knowing my luck, they'll probably enjoy it and party all night.

Would CBT help me to not let this bother me so much? I can't stop thinking about it, and it's getting me all depressed, angry and bitter. I know it's all irrational, and it's such a stupid thing to get stressed over, that maybe CBT might help change the way I think.

It might.

What also might help is if you actually go to a club one night. Experience it for yourself. It might confirm your irritation with them, and help you stop getting upset about “missing out.”