I always feel foreign and like I'm not at home anywhere

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Hi people,

this problem has been going on for about 1,5 years. I am not entirely sure why it started, but I think it was connected to leaving a job I liked a lot and moving somewhere else at the same time.

It didn't start immediately, for about 3 months I was doing fine and got used to the new place just fine. But suddenly I became really anxious and unhappy basically overnight. Everything annoyed me and I suddenly disliked my new flat. It was pretty extreme at first and got a bit better. But it's still happening.

At first I was sure the problem was that I didn't like the new flat and that the new job wasn't stellar either. After some time I was able to change departments which made the job situation a lot better. However I kept feeling tense and annoyed whenever I was at home, I just couldn't fully get used to the place and didn't like being there.

The only thing that helped me was using earplugs when I was at home most of the time. I think that's because it makes me feel isolated and like I can block out everything, irritating noises but also it helps me to kind of ignore where I am and not think about it all the time.

Since this feeling wasn't going away I thought moving again might help. I finally managed to find a good place that is very close to my old flat, where I felt fine. I moved in today. I know it's normal to take some time to get used to a new place anyway but right now I am feeling really weird again, and now I am afraid that this might not fix anything, and that it's actually just an internal issue.

For the last month it's been very present in my mind again. I just don't feel at home here. I feel like a foreigner. It's not easy to explain, but, try to imagine you just moved in with a friend. He tells you to feel at home, but it's obviously his place and not yours and you feel a bit out of place. That, but stronger and applied to your entire life. I feel somewhat disconnected from everything, even myself. Like.. I'm not as close to myself as I used to be, as strange as that sounds. I don't know where this is coming from. In my life so far, yes I did have one or two bad living situations, I have also moved to new towns a few times but it was never close to being this problematic, I usually adapted well to new situations and didn't worry much. So idk why now.

The only times I've really felt good and relaxed in those last 1,5 years were when I was 'at home' with my mom, on vacation, or whenever I am with friends I also feel a bit better. Worst is being at my place alone, which is strange, because I always used to like being on my own before.

Have you guys experienced that? I just want it to go away and feel normal again....

I have some suggestions that might help you. We often underestimate the importance of "familiar" and "favorite" places and things. This is probably even more important for people with autism than for NTs. So perhaps you can choose a "favorite" coffee shop, restaurant, or park, and hang out there repeatedly. Also, you didn't mention favorite activities so I wonder if you are doing enough things that feel pleasurable for you. For instance, listening to a certain type of music. Go to some live music events, or at least download some songs or watch them on Youtube.

I think it could also have to do with making some friends in your new location. This is especially a problem for people with autism. You are also at an age where many peers are settling into a marriage or in any case, it is harder to make friends than it was in high school or college. You might need to find a social niche to operate in. Maybe this would be volunteer work, a support group, a knitting circle, or a church. Just something where you will see the same people over and over.

I hope these ideas will help you. I haven't experienced exactly what you are talking about, but I did live through some tough transitions before, and these are things that helped me.

I know how you feel and that's why I'm pissed off that the mother ship left me here on this planet