Overbearing Depression

Post Reply New Topic

Right now I have been stuck in a pattern for the past couple months or so where I wake up way too late. I like to wake up at about 9, I think its not too early, but its early enough where i can get a jump start on other people and have time to drink coffee and decompress about the day. Well when I wake up past 9, its kind of like the whole day is now compromised, it messes with my whole schedule, so i wake up feeling so anxious i could throw up, and then sit in bed for another 4 hours because I want the day to be just over, so i wrap my mind in something that will get me lost (more than likely its wrong planet haha) Even on days when I wake up at my usual time, like today, I still wind up feeling like crap and just wanting the day to end.

I have also just been really down on myself lately. My girlfriend and I get in fights, I say stupid stuff that I'm not even feeling, and I just get depressed. my obnoxiously loud conscious is there going "look at what you did" and I just sit there and wallow in self hatred and depression.

Kinda just looking for advice to get myself out of this pattern, or depression or whatever. Even just someone to talk to about it would be nice.

Depression is caused by stress and trauma. If you can learn to release the stress and normalize your body, you will be able to reduce the impact of depression. I would suggest reading a book by Peter A. Levine called "In an Unspoken Voice".

As an Aspie, you have many overlapping layers of stress and trauma similar to the layers of an onion. Stress has a cumulative effect on the body.

i wont repeat the full rant about endorphine production issues i had posted in a simmilar thread. as a person, trying to dig herself out of many-years-long depression, i can relate to those feelings, and well. i'd say, if it is so important to wake up at a certain time, why not use an alarm clock? and if it really doesnt feel like a good idea, well, then schedule and routins are an important part of life, but if they weight so much down on u, try to change them? i understand it might sound blasphemous.

i have to constantly shift and adjust my own schedule, to the needs of my allistic daughter, and i do have a habit. somewhat a routine of changing routines. maybe, just maybe, u had grown up out of some of ur routines, and they are harming u before u realise it? wont be easy. will need additional comforting of some sort during the transition period. but its doable.

do ur family members understand the importance of ur schedule in the first place? if its hard to explain in ur own words, give them some article about it to read? it often turns out, family simply has no idea why we do things. it seems so basic to us, and so uncatchable to them. my mother only recently got to understand why i'd rather stay out of eye contact, for example. she had thought that my AS is "cured" or something. that its a kid thing one can grow out of.

so i stay focused on a stimtoy i recently obtained, she tries to get eye contact and shows anxiety, by talking louder and repeating the last sentence, because she'd think i didnt hear it. i say, mother, i am listening, and i am understanding u better this way. also, u can see that i am relating, by increased movement of the toy. confirm a couple times more. i am listening. she gets it. she talks more calmly, she can see me expressing reaction in a manner i'd allways had wanted.

yes, i had allways "faked NT" even with closest family. gave the expected reactions when they were expected, and it would really be hard, and i would want to evade direct contact, minimize it, because it was hard to handle. for allistic relatives too - they think i am not listening, not paying attention, missing what they just sayed if i failed an eye contact cue. now i am coming out with what i want, and she GETS IT, because i explained.

remember, that allistic people NEED explanations. and there are a LOT of great articles to do that for u. to teach them to read u and ur signals if, for some reason, u cant do it urself. and then, u feel different. of cause, there are defunctional families.

there are family members who would not want to read articles just to understand their autistic relative. in that case, minimize contact or fake NT, with understanding that people can have limitations, us and them equally. i hope some of this helps.