Why am I obsessed with fulfilling societal expectations?

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I seem to have ingrained in myself that I must do this by that age or do that by this age (career or job by or before 25, married by or before 30 etc like my parents and grandparents did before me) and then strangely start feeling bad for not doing certain things because they don't interest me much but feel like I have to do them because it's what people do at a certain stage of life.

Because people are typically brainwashed into believing/feeling/such things. But since we're aspies we don't do it do easily as others. Especially since most of the societal BS makes little sense.

Last edited by Bestiola on 22 Feb 2025, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wonder if some of it could be related to theory of mind. That’s something that a lot of us on the spectrum struggle with on some level.

https://www.verywellmind.com/theory-of-mind-4176826

Maybe when you see others choosing a certain life path, you compare yourself to them without really thinking about how different people are and that comparisons may not be useful or entirely applicable for your specific beliefs, desires, intentions, emotions, and thoughts. What matters is figuring out what’s right for you because what’s right for someone else may not be right for you and vice versa.

People on the spectrum also develop special interests and may hyperfocus on a certain thought or idea. That could be at work here, too.

I’m not sure if you’ve addressed this stuff in therapy, but if not, it might be worth trying since it’s not adding positive things to your life.

You seem to not be overly sure about what you really want, so you compare yourself to others and the "average" life experience, probably in an attempt to figure out what you "should" want.

Societal expectations only matter as much as they affect you or align with your particular interests. You could theoretically live with your parents until you're 60, and as long as that's what they and you want, no harm, no foul.

You might be dealing with fear of missing out, too.