What's wrong with me?

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Twenty years ago, I was kicked out of my Grade 7 music class for an afternoon, three days before my thirteenth birthday. The reason behind this, was that my parents were telling me not to talk through my nose, every time that I've opened my mouth to speak, the whole summer of 1987. As a result of the verbal abuse that I've received from my folks, I was being nasty to Mr. Jones, a real Cockney who happened to be my Grade 7 music teacher. I still feel guilty about hurting that teacher, and I hope that God has forgiven me for what I've done. I get this way around my Birthday, every year. What can I do?

ohhh...I understand what it is like to dwell on stuff like that...i'd give an example, but right now I feel like my brain is rotting and I can't think of any....

I don't know what to say except the obvious....you should not beat yourself up over something that happened so long ago...i am sure you did not scar your teacher for life....teachers need to have thick skins...they put up with alot of different personalities coming at them all at once....otherwise, they would give up teaching. You are the only one suffering over this and I hope you will be able to put it to rest...just so that it won't bother you....

But I do understand that kind of regret.

Yes, I agree with that. I expect that teacher would be really surprised that you're still worrying about it when he probably forgot about it the next day. Teachers have lots of kids who are nasty to them, but they just take it as part of the job. Anyway, sounds like you were having a hard time from your folks then, so it's understandable how you behaved. It's hard being 13 and growing up. Teachers know that. I'm sure he's forgiven you. Maybe it's time to forgive yourself.

Go have make up sex with your old music teacher. If he is dead I'm sure you're guilty enough to get a shovel and start digging.

Now, if the old fart's cremated... well I guess the sheets will be real dusty in the morning. Just remember to use plenty of lubricant when inserting the urn.

I needn't say more save for "Good night, and good luck."

Retract above piece of pernicious prose forthwith.

But I refined it so eloquently.

I have two burning questions.

How could my parents not have realized what they were doing to me, twenty years ago?

Why is it always this time of the year that I get this way, and not any other time?

I would also like to say thank you to all of you who've responded. I'd also like to mention that I became very proud of my accent, five years ago. I still am, to the extent that I get offended, if anybody suggests Speech Therapy to me, and I run them over, like Bulgy the Double Decker. I also think that it's strange, that I feel this way around my Birthday. A Birthday is supposed to be a happy occasion.

Merae fabulae sunt, et eas esse tales scis.

Parents are human beings, and frequently make mistakes. My mother is often horrified now when she thinks back to the way she treated me and my sisters when we were small. They do the best they can at the time, but as with everyone, "best" and "perfect" are rarely the same thing. My mother did something similar with us regarding "dropped Ts", because she grew up in a wealthy household in Yorkshire speaking RP, and she was bringing us up in the region of "estuary english" which she thought was a common, grating accent. As a result, I have two accents which I can switch between. RP, which I used at home, and estuary english which had to speak at school in order to not get bullied.

As to why you think about it at this time of year, I'd hazard a guess that it's because you made the connection between the event and your birthday. So whenever your birthday rolls around, then your mind leaps across the pre-made connection and gets hit by it all over again.

I can assure you that if you are sincerely remorseful for anything you have done wrong, then God has forgiven you fully. I am confident that your teacher will have considered your behaviour to have been simply one of the childish pranks that schoolkids pull all the time, and will not have given it a second thought after the matter was dealt with by sending you out of the lesson for a short while. It sounds like the forgiveness you truly need is for you to forgive yourself.