Aspies aren't the selfish ones

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The way I see it, I'm someone who would quite happily go through life having intelligent/interesting conversations with people in subdued lighting and with low background music. I buy from charity shops and used to work for one. I don't give a crap what country someone's from or their race or who they love, I'm still going to be nice to them. I'm not very tribal at all in fact, outside of family loyalty (and football). I'm not perfect but I'm not a bad/selfish person either.

NTs around me are either: flashing cameras into people's faces, laughing when people get upset, letting their dogs run off lead up to people who are scared of dogs, saying racist/homophobic etc stuff, devaluing work if it doesn't pay or if it doesn't pay enough, hating people from other countries, hating anyone who doesn't fit in, getting drunk and letting others clear up their messes, laughing loudly in public and talking loudly about immensely boring subjects in public.

And yet, I'm the selfish one...

Seriously, outside of the Randian definition of Selfish (I'm not right wing but she's right that the first duty is to the self and we're all a minority of one), I'm not selfish. I'm not setting out to hurt other people. I'm probably not even hurting others. And yet NTs (often physically) hurt me every time I try to enjoy myself in public and I'm meant to get over it.

All I wanted to do tonight was go to a show. I can't go to football anymore. I can't even go to shows in museums. And all because of my eyes. Which wouldn't be a problem if NTs wouldn't take flash photos of the stage every 5 mins and film all the way through. I'm sure that probably gets in the way of the actors too. I had to leave my show half way through because my head was throbbing with pain from the light. I wore my darkest glasses.

TLDR: NTs are selfish narcissists who don't care if I'm in pain or not.

I'm not selfish either. I always think of others first. Making other people feel good makes me feel good. Some (not all) NTs would bully others to make themselves feel good. How the f**k does bullying somebody make one feel good? Bullying is one of the most selfish things to do.

I have a nice nature. I always love to help people if I can. I'm kind and polite to people. If I see somebody drop some money out of their pocket I will immediately pick it up for them and tell them that they dropped it, where as some people would rather pick it up and run off before the person realises they've dropped their money. To help me commit good deeds, I put myself into other people's shoes and try to imagine how I would feel if I was that person. If I had dropped some money out of my pocket and someone kindly grabbed it and gave it back to me, I would be grateful and I would feel relieved that I hadn't lost that bit of money. It's a nice feeling, so that is why I would want someone else to feel happy in that situation too, by doing an act of kindness for them. Sometimes something like that can make someone's day.

I used to give up my time to volunteer too in charity. But one place I volunteered at there was a few cliquey and catty people, and they started taking advantage of me and also picked on me. Now that is selfish of them, because they were there to volunteer too, but instead they used it to just mess around and form a clique, and not putting much effort into anything at all. I had to leave in the end, but fortunately I started volunteering for another charity, and the people were much nicer there.
I also often donate things to charity. And that's another thing - at the cliquey place they actually used to throw out some of the donations (ones that were in perfect condition) because they couldn't be bothered with it. Now that is despicable.

When somebody falls over in public, doesn't matter what age they are, I'd never laugh. First of all I can feel their embarrassment, and I wouldn't want to make them feel more embarrassed by laughing at them. And secondly, I worry that they are hurt, and if they are on the ground I'd go out of my way to help them up or at least see if they're OK, and I'd even call an ambulance for them if they are really hurt, especially if they are elderly or disabled. Once I saw a video online of people slipping over on a big icy patch across a street (it was being filmed from an upstairs window). The girls filming thought it was hilarious to film people slipping down. But I thought it was disgraceful. If that were me I would have gone out there and put down some salt or anything that makes icy concrete safer to walk on, because slipping on ice can be dangerous for some and it isn't always funny.

So yeah, I think the Aspies being selfish thing is a false stereotype. It probably comes from the lack of empathy thing, which is also a false stereotype. I think in every description of ASD, lack of empathy should be altered to something like "lack some social intuition", meaning "finds it hard to recognise body language", because just saying "lack of empathy" gives out the wrong idea and everybody thinks that it means "uncaring".

I had a neuro typical boyfriend who was always critisizing me and would call me selfish and mean. I really dont think I was that bad. If I seemed different its because I couldnt help my behavior. He could also be mean. He was a lot worse than me. The difference is I cant help my behavior. Hes just a s**t head.

i have written this before. there are as*holes. some of them also are allistic (or NT). i do have extreme reservations myself for true NT ppl. they can be awful just because they simply cannot imagine what we have to live with. but they dont mean to be awful, they just lack understanding. and then some of them are fine that way, ya.

but saying, that all allistics are egoistic (or any other negative connotation, or any other group), u just put urself on same board with worst of their kind. with allistic as*holes, who think we should never leave our cellars because we are not a nice look, with our meltdowns, our stimtoys our lack of eye contact etc. ya, there are people (regardless of neurology or other significants), who will call u all sort of s**t, because they want to bend u. and egoistic in their saying means, not comfortable for them. not doing what they want (for example, be out of sight, ya). yes, this is a crime against u as a person.

but so is u, unifying all allistics under definition, that only fits some of them. u condemn most ppl in the world that way, for actions of few. wrong, wrong and wrong, i think u can see that. i am not the only one saying it, too. if we want to be accepted, we must be able to distinguish between honest mistake, malignant intent and lack of either. and not attribute people with something they never intended. every time u want to condemn somebody, think - did they know they are hurting u? were they aware what they should not do near an autistic? did they know there is an autist nearby? could they evade doing smth (like talking loud, everybody has their own definition of loud, and u might even be dealing with somebody impaired on hearing, who just have to talk LOUD!)?

it so happens that interests of ppl can clash. one needs quiet, other is bound to break silence for various reasons. the world today surely doesnt account for us enough, but that is not the fault of every individual u meet. autistic pride should not go all the way up to extremistic "all allistics are bad". or what if, in turn, ppl start judging us all by statements like that? its the downward spiral right through a cataclysmic blaze.

am i a good person? i dont think so. i have a lot of rage and hate and i dont hesitate to release them on anybody who decides to poke me. every time i see somebody praising themself, i cringe. how about some self criticism, m? i am being a b***h here, right now, and i realise that. somebody will find my comment aiming at them. let this be, i will not stand for autistic extremism the same way i would not stand for any other extremistic s**t. guardian demon, out.

OK not everyone but when I'm having a meltdown it feels like everyone. Esp when mum says I can't tell people I'm autistic and ask them to stop.
Base level should be that nobody is in extreme mental stress or in physical pain.
There ought really to be more awareness made that if you're going to be flashing cameras in public, you're likely to be physically hurting an autist/someone prone to migraines or triggering epileptic fits (I once read some people die during fits not sure if this is true or not though). Therefore flash photography ought to be discouraged for physical reasons and health and safety reasons.
Allists pride themselves on being 'good with people' so once there is more awareness out there, they ought to bear this stuff in mind or else relinquish the label of 'good with people' instead opting for 'good amongst ourselves'.

well ur mother is ofc wrong. u have all rights to ask ppl around u to stop doing something, that hurts u. yes, in state of meltdown it seems like whole f*****g world is against u. as to awareness, they SHOULD be, by our standarts. but they dont know they should be. they have not been informed. like i many times stated here, it has to be systemic. part of school education, for real. but its not, and no individual, that is trully, honestly clueless something as mundane as flash photo can hurt somebody, is responsible for deficient system. feeling aggression towards something, that hurts u, is natural. defensive reaction. but u need to realise that hurting u was not their intention. yes, unthinking of others is bad in every manifestation. but, emm, if u keep thinking how to not, never, inconvenience anybody, u find urself unable to breathe, because that air can be used by somebody else (true story!). so ya people can do things, and u can POLITELY ask them to stop and explain why. most of the time, they do. keeping silent about ur pain wont benefit anybody.
for example, i have a lot of triggers, and one of them is a polite expression that often is used by every damn body. and i tell them, that if they do that to me, i wont be talking to them again. i can also lash out at them if they ignored my warning. initially those ppl couldnt know something like this can hurt. when they do, and repeat the mistake, i feel full right to be rude to them.
but u also need to allways be aware, that sometimes ur interests clash with another person, and u have to deal with that)))

[quote="TUF"]The way I see it, I'm someone who would quite happily go through life having intelligent/interesting conversations with people in subdued lighting and with low background music. I buy from charity shops and used to work for one. I don't give a crap what country someone's from or their race or who they love, I'm still going to be nice to them. I'm not very tribal at all in fact, outside of family loyalty (and football). I'm not perfect but I'm not a bad/selfish person either.

"Bad" and "selfish" are vague and subjective words. There is no method to measure or prove that you are not "bad" or "selfish".



NTs around me are either: flashing cameras into people's faces, laughing when people get upset, letting their dogs run off lead up to people who are scared of dogs, saying racist/homophobic etc stuff, devaluing work if it doesn't pay or if it doesn't pay enough, hating people from other countries, hating anyone who doesn't fit in, getting drunk and letting others clear up their messes, laughing loudly in public and talking loudly about immensely boring subjects in public.

With the exception of "hating anyone who doesn't fit in" , NTs and autistics do all of those activities. The solar system contains a lot of NTs and autistics.


And yet, I'm the selfish one...

" I'm probably not even hurting others. "

Every action is "helping" and "hurting" something

For example, Mussolini was "helping" the Gestapo





The people that you assume to be NT might be autistic. Undiagnosed or undisclosed

The world contains about 7 billion people

Of them, about 99% are NT

It is not correct to lump them all together

Just like it is not correct for NTs to lump all autistics together






Some precious lil "people" (plural) have had the nerve to tell me that "you don't care about anyone except yourself!".. they appeared (to me) as NT. And they did not tell me otherwise. However, I did not get diagnosed til 21, and then I do not go around with a sign that says "autistic"


It appears, from the NT perspective, that they "care" about precious lil "people" more than autistics "care" about "people". But everyone they "care" about, also cares about them, and everyone they care about, is similar to them. NTs are in the majority.

I think the trait of selfishness is about equally distributed between the two groups, though you're right that NTs probably have the slight edge, and are certainly more hypocritical about it.