On the verge of snapping

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Lately I'm feeling intensely depressed about my life, and I'm really wondering whether I'm just better off committing suicide to be honest. I've put on 30kg since the start of the year due to very major depression I was experiencing, I've basically f***ed up my body to where I have muscular imbalances from head to toe, my vision in my right eye is probably going to keep declining and I'm afraid of going blind in that eye, I'm no closer to getting a girlfriend than I was when the urge to do so ramped up 10 years ago, and I can't consume weed or alcohol for health reasons, so I can't even escape from this mental prison temporarily. I don't enjoy doing pretty much anything, I don't even want to hang around friends anymore, activities seem pointless to me, I'm out of touch with my music both due to depression and because my hands are f***ed, and I'm just sick and tired of everything.

I'm starting to wish, as horrible as it is, that I could just beat the crap out of someone and in so doing transfer some of my emotional termoil to them. I'm so frustrated with the confines of my life, what I don't have, what I can't do and I'm getting nothing out of the existence I'm living. I'm just fed up with it all.

I know nobody cares and everybody has their own sh** to deal with, but I don't know how much longer I can cope before I snap.

Turn that frown upside down monsieur and let me ease your troubles. On ze menu today we have a lecture from yours truly.

You'll be amazed how little changes can make you happier. With regards to your eye problem, weight and depression I have an all-in-one proposed solution. You could eat more sea fish such as cod and haddock. The Omega 3 in them will benefit your eyes, it is proven to help people with mood disorders and in more ways than I can list will improve your physical health. There's also the fact that fish has barely any fat compared to meat and so switching from meat to fish will help with your weight too.

Au revoir, mon ami, and I hope you rediscover your joie de vivre!

TGI: Please stick around. I would miss your intelligence and honesty. Even your admonitions mean something because of these features.

Sincerely,

Fnord

I don't have any advice (although fifasy's advice sounded spot on) but I hope you feel better soon. Most people in these forums have been through really dark times and many have come out the other side stronger. I hope this applies to you, too.

I heard a story about a rabbi recently who was sent a letter by one of his congregants who refused to continue attending his services, explaining that he didn't see the point in attending because his suffering continued despite his piety. The rabbi returned the letter with no additions save for the fact that the first word of each sentence was circled; it was the word "I": "I don't see any point in living", "I am a failure", "my life is terrible". I suppose you perhaps have the same problem, as with most people today; certainly, the overuse of the first person was the first thing I noticed about your post.

I think almost all cases of depression today can be traced back in large part to self-absorption. I recommend that you try to find a hobby or any interests that as it were take you out of yourself and this you may find to be the solution to your problem. There is an excellent book by the British philosopher Bertrand Russell on this subject, The Conquest of Happiness which can be found for free on archive.org.

Hey, just my two cents.

I don't know what your diet is like but if you're not getting enough vitamin A then it can cause progressive blindness and also immune dysfunction. And I know a lot of people (often including myself) don't get enough fiber, which can upset the balance of gut bacteria and cause a bunch of problems.

Stopping marijuana consumption can induce or exacerbate depression and can last up to a couple months while the body chemically re-calibrates, depending on how heavy the use was and how sudden the cessation.

Drinking can damage the hippocampus to varying degrees depending on how it is consumed, and that can impact the ability to learn new habits. Aerobic exercise improves neurogenesis in the hippocampus, helping to repair some of the damage caused by drinking (along with all its other benefits). Even walking counts.

There's a lot of things that can be tried. They don't make things instantly better, but they might chip away at some of it with some trial and error.

as u can see, many people care for u here. because if we didnt, we wouldnt bother writing posts here) i am a bit out of energy, been a long day here. so my rant will be short, but not less felt for. everybody matters. u feel like u are fighting an endless night right now, but u simply are facing west, with ur eyes closed and possibly a wall behind u, that shields u from dawning light. the state of endorphine defficiency (aka depression) causes u to see only black, only bad, everything good seems like fading, being forgotten, evading ur attention. been there, done that, got a t-shirt. or 10. i tried, ukno. planned it well. i wanted my physical and mental pain to go away. i thought the world would be better without me. i only saw 1 solution. i was stopped, many times over. turned out one crazy, f****d up, systemically ill b***h is dear to many people, those she never suspected to hold so much regard for her. they made me stay, they made me accept it, they taught me to want to live. i still have cramps, but they are decreasing in magnitude. it's been years of constantly increasing desire to f*****g die, many plans with double and triple failsafes, there was somehting in my damn way all the time. the fact that u started this thread means, that u have enough of will to live to go by. its a good sighn. i've seen enough suicidal threads here, u are still all paws on the ground. im not trying to diminish it, like f**k no. im trying to say, that u are stronger than u think. extra weight? f**k that, comfort eating is a thing. got a tshirt for that too. problems can be adressed. they seem to be motherf****ng impassee, but deep down u know u can. just need some support, and u are so very welcome to it. come on, open ur eyes, u will see its suddenly not so pitch black around. take it slow, take it easy. take advices others wrote here, or will write after me. we care, we need u. guardian demon, over.
ps - sorry i lied, this rant ended up quite ample xD because i give a f**k.

Thanks everyone for the support. @fifasy, I'll look into it.

@Fnord, thanks very much sir. I don't believe I'll be leaving this site anytime soon, just struggling emotionally with a few things. If I can successfully execute what I'm trying to, hopefully I'll feel better, get what I'm looking for out of life and hopefully show the others who are at this point unwilling to look inward and make changes that my approach will no longer be theoretical and can be shown to be successfully applied practically.

@BeaArthur Thank you.

@Prometheus I understand what you're getting at, but surely you can understand how impractical it would be to try to articulate your problems without the use of first-person pronouns. You might think that this post reeks of self-absorption, but it's not meant to be any other way. The central theme of this post is my problems, so it wouldn't make sense to talk about them from an outsider's perspective whilst I'm the one being affected by them.

Now if I were to encroach on other people's threads and try to make them about myself through the overuse of first-person pronouns and derailing the thread to talk about my own struggles, or even if I went through everyday life overusing "I I, me me, my my", I'd concede that you have a point, but I don't see that as being the case generally speaking.

@la_fenkis with weed I went from daily usage to no usage at all. I would generally only drink alcohol roughly 2-3 times a month, and even though I don't do it much, kinda sucks that I don't have the freedom to do it at all.

@serpentari Thank you. If I were really to kill myself, I'd be making sure there was no coming back from it, but I don't see it as being likely that I'll reach that stage. I still have hope that I can carve out a life for myself that I can be content with, but I'm still struggling emotionally, and I would say it's largely due to my frustration at my inability to find romantic love or even female friends, and that touchy insecurity is causing me to reflect on other things that are going wrong in my life. Where I want to be seems lightyears away, and finding a female companion, or at least feeling like I have a chance of getting one in the not too distant future is of the utmost importance for the recovery of my bruised self-esteem. After all, the inability to attract a partner is one of the most pertinent and long-standing causes of my self-esteem issues.

i am sorry, but do u need a "female companion" for ur self esteem (like, i have her), or a person to be close to, to open to, to well, mutually forgive imperfections, cope with s**t togather etc? in first case ya, well, it might be tricky - people, who abide such desire, cost money ^^. in second, u might not have met her yet, the world is big and ur soulmate might be somewhere far yet. and well, gender relationship isnt a bag of candy most of the time. i know a couple of families, that appear to be steadily secure, others have problems, there is a lot of pain to be had in this field. sorry if i sound like a downer. point is, probably focus on ur other goals. when u meet her, u feel it. and so does she. being aspergerian, or well, overweight, doesnt change it. there are aspergerian women who wish for a partner who would understand them on a level, impossible for nt men. there are women who call overweight BHG (big handsome guy) and REALLY want one to themselves. there are takers for every type of appearence as long as u click with them on emotional level (and sometimes, without that, too). u just had not met her yet. ur age suggests, that u have a LOT of time ahead for that ^^