I hate having anything to do with autism

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I hate having anything to do with autism because I don't want to be associated with a disorder that has "lack of empathy" listed as one of the symptoms. For some reason a lot of people take this lack of empathy thing literally, some even think autism is wholly based on being a cold-hearted psychopath unable to love anybody, even though lack of empathy doesn't necessarily mean that. I have empathy, both cognitive and affective, wired into my brain. It's an insult to me and the whole autistic community to be stereotyped as potential murderers. And it doesn't help when murderers claim they have autism in court. It just makes the stigma against us worse.

haters gotta hate, joe. some people just need to build despicable ideas over quite innocent prerequisities. yes, it is unacceptable (spoken by the prophet of accept, ya). but this world is just like that. u'd be not autistic, u'd find another horrible injustice. because the universe is not just. and we get what we see. have to get by. sorry if i sound with lack of empathy here, but this is a pain we share, a pain that never will go away. autism itself has nothing to do with this "human nature" thing. they need an enemy...

People who generalize like that are really lacking in thoughtfulness n giving the time to try to understand. Such people need to raise their consciousness to include autistics and not demonize them

Asders have high but deep empathy. It’s not demonstrated in quick superficial ways n theory of mind problems makes it seem inconsistent but it is definitely there
My severe ASd son has way more empathy than my non ASD son despite having intellectual delays too

It's that website "heartlessaspergers.com". It's got to me. I'm sorry but I just can't let this drop. What the woman has wrote is despicable. The whole thing sounds angry, sarcastic, insensitive and ignorant. It's a hate speech, luring non-autistics to believe it and giving the autistic community a bad name.
If it was a hate speech about black people, it would have been taken down months ago.
We autistics are people too, and we don't lack empathy the way this b***h bangs on about. The world needs to understand this. She needs to know that even two NTs don't always get on in a relationship and split up, due to emotional issues between them.

I'm on the spectrum and I'm in a healthy relationship with an NT man, and I literally have no empathy challenges at all. And plenty of non-Aspie people do heartless things in relationships. Some NTs can cause their spouse to suffer PTSD. It happens all over the world. I've heard plenty of people saying that their (NT) husbands don't listen to them, are self-centered, are bad with money, etc. My boyfriend's brother is terrible with money, and my boyfriend often says he needs to grow up. He's split up from his girlfriend recently because of the issues mentioned in this hate-speech website, and he does not have Asperger's.

But this woman on this website makes it sound like NT marriages work perfectly, while NT-AS relationship are impossible because autistics severely lack empathy and cannot love, reason or understand anything other than themselves. Yes it may be a hate speech because of one bad experience she had with an AS partner, but every story has 2 sides. She sounds like the one who is too self-centered to understand about autism and she probably didn't give him a chance to express himself. I can tell what sort of a person she is by reading a few of the things she wrote. And it was the WAY she wrote the whole thing, by constantly repeating herself like saying "lack of empathy" over and over in every paragraph.

It sickens me. I thought these days there's more awareness of autism and Asperger's, because there's often TV documentaries about it every now and then. Chris Packham done a TV show about him and his life, to get more people to understand that Asperger's is not psychopathy and that people with Asperger's are capable of forming bonds, close relationships, etc. And it's been proven that we do not lack empathy. When my boyfriend's mum died, I cried my eyes out, even though I had never met her. I could feel his pain, and I was very good at being there for him. He says I am a very understanding, kind, caring girl, and that's one of the things he loves about me. He says I am good at compromising, easy to talk to, and very affectionate and loving. We hardly argue. We get on like a house on fire, and we live together.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, heartless b***h!! !! !! !

i might be projecting my own issues, but this sounds like most typical narcissistic abuse there can be. people like that seem to be all around, and u can do nothing but just... ignore them. just ignore them, and go on with urlife.

True
real malicious sociopathic or narcissistic (the type that intentionally harm) people HATE asd people

they hate everybody who doesnt "recognize their greatness"... i've found a whole lot of articles on the topic, having been a victim to those way too many times, way too long time. i could share if needbe.

I know there are haters out there but what disturbs me is that this woman who is behind this heartlessaspergers site has laid out the site pretty good and has made such an effort (I'm not saying what it's about is good, but the way the site itself is laid out and designed is done with effort), so people will take this site seriously and go to support themselves by relying on this site. But what they don't know is that going to this site is going to give them a very bad perspection on Aspie individuals and make them misunderstand Aspies even more.

It's not a helpful and advisable site. Helpful and advisable sites on how to make an NT-AS marriage work needs to be empathetic on both parties, but this woman has made the whole thing completely one-sided. She's basically telling everyone in a relationship with an Aspie that the NT is the angel and the Aspie is the one with all the faults. She's telling NTs to only think of themselves in the marriage, not their Aspie spouse, and to remember that all Aspies are heartless and incapable of love, then she gives them the hint to leave the Aspie because Aspies aren't worthy of love.

I mean, a site that is full of sarcasm and anger will not help an NT out with having an Aspie spouse at all. I don't even know how she's a therapist. I just hope most NTs aren't daft enough to fall for it. Maybe she's a psychopath, or got other issues.

That woman is useless.

She got into a relationship with someone, she was either so bad at theory of mind she didn't realise an autistic person was different or so good at it that she manipulated an autistic person then when he wouldn't be bullied in a relationship, she bullied her ex instead. Goes to show that theory of mind isn't always a sign of a nice person.

Mum's very close to the spectrum even though she's NT. In England in the 1970s, everyone ate meat with every meal unless they were Catholics and then they had fish on a Friday. When she was 7, she found out what meat was. She refused to eat dead animals (including dead fish) and to this day (in her 50s) she has never gone back because of the empathy she feels for animals.

Of course, she didn't really have the theory of mind to figure 'what about mum having to feed me cheese pizza every dinner time' but she was/is highly empathetic to animals. And she's the same with anything where there's any inkling a human is being hurt.

For me it goes into irrational levels. Like I feel deep empathy for fictional characters and for things like my dolls. My doll has a broken hand, I feel really sad for her. She isn't even real. I can't watch the news cos it reminds me of real people who are suffering in the world. To me, that feels as if I'm there with them. Most people get some sort of entertainment value out of watching the news, unless it affects them directly.

My dad is ill so he's not a fair example and he's had an awful life but he can only watch factual entertainment (and not history documentaries, something about art or a quiz show) or programmes and movies made for children. He's very clearly autistic.

I had one ex who fits her profile. He claimed autism after I said it. I think he was lying. People with good 'people skills' and low empathy can sometimes groom people with fictional stories about themselves which match up to the life stories of the other person. Not sure if he was ill or if he was just a regular NT but he wasn't autistic. Nobody autistic is as good as he was at manipulating everyone they know and lying to everyone. He would be overly greasy to people then once they'd gone, mutter something about what he really thought of them to me. (I hate him cos this stuff was racist and sexist and just generally incredibly mean spirited). Only autistic thing about him was he was good at STEM.

The latest research is about how autistic people are too highly empathetic and don't have a good boundary between 'self' and 'other' when it comes to pain. Interesting how in either case it's seen as the autistic person who's in the wrong, but at least this new stuff is sympathetic to autistic people. I think it's true. I think it's why we are so easily groomed and why we struggle with so much social interaction.

A lot of theory of mind is literally just 'how would I feel in this situation'. That's why I become good at it when it's someone like me. However, as we're the minority, often times we guess wrong.

And from what you're saying it doesn't sound like you hate anything to do with autism. It sounds like, and I'm being a pedant here, you hate that people who have this perception of autism will also think of you as autistic.

Stay away from those types unless they're family or they're giving you something (so yeah use lack of empathy if you can muster it). One thing about most autistic people is that we don't need that many people to keep us happy because we have a decent sense of self.

I'm glad that at this stage in my life all my non relatives are people who I value for their own sake or who I can get something out of, like a teacher. Not people who bring me down. Only exception to this is my shouty neighbour but I have to live somewhere.

Edited to add: yeah I know. That's because she's obsessed with her ex. It's creepy. I suspect she has something much 'worse than autism going on.

either way, the issue is with that psychopath, and not us. we cant be guilty that somebody is spreading BS. and taking it personally makes her win. to hell with her.

Yes but are people falling for her "genius answers"? Does she know she's a psychopath, if she is one? Is she allowed to get away with having such a fancy website full of hate-speech against a group? Will it destroy the reputation of the autistic community? Is it going to lessen autistic people's chances of finding a lover? How many NTs know this hate site exists? The fact that she's a bona fide therapist makes it all the more disturbing.

well i think that site really should be breaking some laws and can be tagged as extremistic, but adressing ur other consurns, lets say. somebody on the internet allways is wrong. one shady site cannot "ruin the reputation" of anything or anybody across the world. i can tell u even more. most NTs have no motehrfucking idea an autistic community exists... they ghost us. pretend not to see it, no vision, i feel it. i feel it every time i get out into general populance. i am open, i tell them i am autistic, mostly their responce is blank. nothing. they dont know nothing. and that is most horrible. dont get me wrong, i dont anyhow, in no capacity, support the idea of a hate site for ANYTHING. ever. but. haters gotta hate. and they wont make a worldwide difference. for anybody who would want to listen to BS, would just "think" the same BS themselves. and anybody who would not, would only feel outraged, reading that BS. so just. OMIT IT. only thing that can hurt a narcissist scum, ignore it.

"Lack of empathy."

That's a lie, we are actually overly empathetic.


I wish murderers didn't try to label themselves as autistic because, that looks bad on us and it isn't true about them.

They're psychopaths, we are autistics/aspies.

i think that we could have some percent of us lacking empathy, some percent exeeding with it, and some having it "average". same as allistic ppl. and a possibility of autistic psychopath is also existing. those 2 dont exclude each other. but ya using a possibility as definition, or attributing the entire spectrum with personal qualities of 1 person (even if that person deserved such denotions) is dirty play. same goes for totally any other group of ppl. such as saying "all (incert church for example) are fanatics". i intentionally didnt use any specific church here so that it didnt even in theory get connected in anybody's mind. such things are a very primary taboo. one that is broken way too much.

I went into a long rant just the other day warning people not to go to heartlessaspergers.com. I really should know better since it's human nature to do the opposite of what you're told not to do.

But honestly, the lacking empathy thing is a huge misconception. Most of us have so much empathy our hearts could just explode. We just don't always know how to express it.

I looked up the website. In it she describes herself: About the author: I had a year-long relationship with a man who did not disclose his diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. I wonder what the backstory is here.

Only one year and it seems like she feels her life has been totally and utterly destroyed? Most individuals would simple move on. But she is making it a cause to attack all Aspies. And therein lies the problem. Didn't someone once say "If you met one Aspie, you have met one Aspie." We are all different.

Most Aspies endure years of bullying and name calling. I would rather call this by its real adult names - physical attacks, psychological attacks and torture. In part that is the why we react the way we do. Because the stress has an element of PTSD due to torture. So if there is anyone who lacks empathy, she is probably a prime example.