I don't want to do school anymore

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Ever since really remembering last year about being traumatized in school as a kid I've been getting less and less interested in completing my bachelor's degree. I would've dealt with it in the past but every time I remembered it people told me to just shove it back down and move on. But now there's the specter of needing to repay my financial aid if I fail my classes and pressure coming from everyone around me, especially my dad who's been paying for everything for me, to complete it which is hanging over me like what feels like just more cages. And computer science itself also now feels like a kind of cage where I have to be perfect all the time and be more math than person, so I'm not even interested in the material anymore.

I just want out and to not be struck by the consequences imposed by other people as I do so. It feels like I can't breathe in school anymore but nobody's giving me a way out and everyone keeps touting the horrible future I'll have without a degree even if I can.

I've tried to talk to my dad about doing something else but any other idea just gets thrashed by him as he comes up with reasons why it would fail, so I should just stick it out. According to him I wouldn't even be able to get a job as a waiter. And then he talks about how much has already been invested in my education. But he doesn't feel this stuff hanging over him. He doesn't feel like every piece of programming homework wraps chains slowly tighter around him or how school feels like a kind of prison now.

But it's not like a 30 year old who's spent most of a decade on a Bachelor's degree and has never had a real job is going to get a great one anyways. So I don't even know what the end goal here is. I have absolutely no clue what to even do with the degree afterwards.

The only redeeming aspect of this semester at all is that I met someone who I think likes me, and who I like too, which is refreshing since all my other friends have moved on with their lives and don't talk to me anymore. But even that has me really anxious that it'll somehow explode.

I have a piece of homework that's due in two days but I have no inclination to complete it and if I don't then it'll snowball through the rest of the semester and I definitely won't do any more after that. And then I'll fail the class and consequences will kick in.

I just want to draw, do stupid little poems, read what I want to read, and somewhere in there do enough work to have food, shelter, and internet. And if I can at some point connect with someone then I think my life could be complete.

I don't know what to do.

Your options are:

1) Stick with it.
2) Drop out.

If you stick with it, you need to ask for help and guidance from whatever resources are available to you at school.

If you drop out, then you either get a job, join the military, or go live on the street or in the wilderness.

It's up to you.

Plenty of people with bachelor degree , even in computer science, are unemployed

School is not a mystery, magic, panacea, answer to everything, or for everyone

Job corps

There are plenty of job training programs

Webmaster

There are jobs someone could get in computer science, without a bachelor

Software developer

I don't want your input.

And I have tried to get help from the school, but they send me down dead-end paths and then don't get back to me.

You're definitely a smart guy.

I would stick it out, if at all possible.

It's really hard, in some places, to get a job without a bachelor's degree.

I can understand why you don't want to do the assignment. It can be a hassle in college.

What are you majoring in?

Computer Science.

Speaking to your last option...how exactly do I do the last part with the wilderness? Where do I learn the skills for that?

I am in the same situation. The reason we're like this is because we are struggling to put aside immediate gratification for long term rewards. School is exhausting and painful but if you go down the right path you can afford to do all kinds of things you wouldn't be able to do normally. Currently I am looking into a different kind of education for myself, but my only major tip is to try and get self employed before you finish school so you are no longer at the financial whim of everyone around you and you feel like you yourself are willingly paying for school.

School is only a means of making yourself more appealing for hire in a market economy. We aren't really concerned with personal growth, exploration, or knowledge as much anymore as a majority of humanity is now working for corporations. As much as I'm struggling with you and I can relate, we both need to change our lifestyles and no one can tell you how to live if you can provide for yourself.

I hope you can stick it out. I bet you're good with computers.

I am suffering now from the fact that I don't have that much computer knowledge.

I'm thinking you're sort of in the doldrums.

Is there a particular course that you can't stand? I bet it's not within the major.

la_fenkis,
I'm sorry you are carrying all this pressure. I wish I had a magic answer. How close are you to completing the degree? Do you have accommodations for mental health / ASD? With accommodations you will be able to have extension time on your assignments and there are usually accommodations for your exams as well. I know you said you've asked for help from the school but do they know your diagnosis? Even without a formal ASD assessment you can apply for mental health accommodations to deal with your depression and ennui. You would likely even be permitted to take a leave of absence for the semester to deal with your depression. Sometimes a little time off is all it takes to help one recharge.

Hugs and best wishes.

Thanks for sharing with us.

You're a really smart and clever guy.

Please stick it out. It's hard sometimes.

But I believe you will do it, ultimately.

"Winners Never Quit, and Quitters Never Win." -- Vince Lombardi (1913-1970), football player, football coach, and executive in the National Football League (NFL).

You need to just stick it out. Unfortunately there are no jobs where you can write little poems and read. Shelter, food, and a roof over your head all cost money.

The years you spend getting a degree are relatively short in comparison to the rest of your life. It's better to just finish with school.

People without college degrees still represent the majority of the unemployed. While a college degree is not an absolute guaranty of a job, not having one means having to "survive off the crumbs that fall to the floor" -- more often than not, people without college degrees usually have to settle for the jobs that require them to work under the supervision of someone with a college degree.

HE: "Oh, you think you're so smart just because you have a college degree!"
ME: "No, I KNOW that I am smart because I have a college degree. Now, get back to work!"
HE: "Yes, sir..."

Do you want to be the person who gives the orders, or the person who follows the orders?

... and they also represent the UNDERemployed. There are lots of people with no degree who are employed in the blue collar sector or the hospitality sector or food service... but many of them are barely making ends meet, trying to figure out if they can pay the electric bill this month, living paycheck to paycheck, one major illness or accident away from total financial ruin. Those are the ones who are lacking a degree.