Felt like killing myself tonight

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Good evening everyone. Im having trouble sleeping so I thought I would make a post here. I will not kill myself but I feel like I have very little options in life. Im living in a boarding house now. Its the best I can do since Im too incompetent to live in apartment on my own. So my only other option is a group home. Ive been scared lately. Scared to live where I am and scared to live in a group home. If I lose my room now, I can always move back here but I might not be able to get a good room in this boarding house. The top floor has stairs so steep they are deadly, the bottom floor is full of hardend grizzly men and rats. Im on the best floor ight now. I may find a group home too suffocating. Since Ive developed a problem with sh*****g myself I dont feel fit for work. Although sometimes sh*****g oneself is not considered a disability, it makes me too scared to get involved with a job. If I did work it would have to be a job for special people because I could not handle a normal job. I just cant picture myself working. But ( and I cant believe Im saying this) Im probably depressed because Im bored.

I have been smoking pot and listening to nirvana. Maybe its getting to my head but its probably not a bad thing Im thinking about the future. I feel like a loser. I feel like I have little options. I feel like I have no hope for a fullfilling future.

The best thing you can do right now.....is to listen to the music you like in order to distract you.

And try to get some rest.

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad.

You're not a bad person at all, or a useless person.

Isn't your group home 5 years down the road? Worry about that bridge when you get to it. Can you volunteer? It may give you the sense of purpose without the difficulties of finding a job to accommodate your autism.

sorry to hear that :/

You might be a perfect person for working from home. Then the incontinence thing would be less of a big deal. Also, couldn't you manage that with disposable underwear? You can always carry a spare in a tote bag.

My point is, you don't have to feel there is no future. Let your case worker know how despairing you are feeling, and see if there are any programs (vocational, for instance) that could help you

And if you become truly suicidal, checking yourself into a hospital psych unit might help you straighten out, and maybe get into a group home sooner.

sarahsmith, ur situation is indeed hard, and i honestly am the last person to talk about jobs (because i havent had a proper job since 2010) so no good advice there. im kinda drained right now, so just... look. i saw u doing ur best to help ppl around here. every time u've made somebody feel better, that will not fade. and this is who u are, despite all ur problems. u might've saved a life or 2 here, uknow... think about that each and every time life thunders down on u.

I wish you peace.

Thank you guys for the support. My autism is getting me down. But Ill try not to make it a curse. I have been lonely lately. I might have to go to a bar even though I never go to those. I dont know how else to meet men. In the past Ive dated some real dip s**ts. One of them however I still have romantic dreams about so maybe I liked him more than I thought like on a subconsciouse level.

I can certainly relate to being lonely. I was single & desperately looking for 8 years straight. I would not recommend that female Aspies go to bars to meet men. Lots of guys there can be real losers & those of us on the spectrum have a harder time judging people & their intentions. I think it would be better to try & meet guys online like a dating site or a forum. I met my 2nd & current girlfriend on this forum & I know there's lots of single guys on here who would love to have a relationship with an Aspie woman. Some guys are probably willing to relocate 1ce things get serious. I certainly was. i didn't have much of a life where I was living & I felt trapped there. I know there's more than a few members on this forum who are stuck living with family or other situations due to no other real options.

hold on. depressive dips tend to end. think about this. autism exists as long as records go - individuals like us had been registered across the history. but they never knew why they are different. we only got a closure like how long ago? we are living in the era of dawn, even if it seems like we are fighting an endless night.

There are a few fellas here Id be willing to date but they said they didnt have the means to move. I wasnt planning on going to the bars alone.