I could use some encouragement RE: P.T. Clinicals

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I guess I should start with some good news. I finished a 6 week clinical at a rehab facility that is very nice, and I had an amazing clinical instructor. Basically the grading for a clinical starts below beginner (I think you need to kill a patient to get that grade), beginner, advanced beginner, intermediate, advanced intermediate, or entry level (meaning you qualify as an entry level physical therapist assistant). Anyway, the goal was to be intermediate or higher, but I got advanced intermediate and on a couple I got close to entry level. To sum up, I got a grade way higher than needed.

However, I'm now going into out patient where my grade needs to be entry level. And, my clinical doesn't immediately start until Monday but I got invited in today to get the "lay of the land". Right away I knew I wasn't in Kansas anymore. There are all sorts of patients in this open environment, and I'm observing treatments for back pain, knee replacements, hip pain from a patient who had still placed in his lumbar spine to stop back pain but somehow resulted in left hip pain, etc. etc. And the rehab techs who aren't even PTAs are doing exercises with patients that I'm not even certain I know the names of.

I guess I shouldn't be all upset because somehow in the midst of all of this, I'm identifying places on the patient's body that my new clinical instructor is working on i.e. the popliteal space (the space behind the knee). As I'm correctly doing this, I'm thinking to myself, dang where did that correct answer come from? That's all find and dandy, but I'm going to be expected to work directly with these patients and that involves learning correct hand placement and moving the joint through space. So basically this is way more hands on and it will challenge my extremely poor spatial abilities.

I guess I'm just really tense and nervous. This is my last clinical and I need to make it count. I left today with a major headache. Again, I need to give myself some credit here, I took it all in, I remembered stuff, and technically my clinical hasn't begun yet. I just need some encouragement. I'm stretching my autistic mind to its limit.

Congratulations on your grades.
You will survive this next step, I know it.
Don't let your anxiety trip you up.
You sound like you're very dedicated to this field, and your dedication will get you through, probably with flying colours.

Thanks Raleigh. I totally need to get my anxiety under control. It certainly isn't going to help things. I think I'll just have to force myself to take it all in and see the patterns in how patients are treated depending on diagnosis. That's one thing we can do...see the patterns.....I can do this.....

If it was easy, everyone would do it. You did a very good job figuring things out during your previous clinical. I am sure you will do fine on this one. Good luck.

If you did well before, you’ll do well here.

I would never make it like you’ve made it.

You might not be in Kansas.....but at least you’re on Earth.

Peoples’ anatomies are not Kansas-exclusive.

<--- Thinks you will do just fine.

Now that’s a ringing endorsement

Thanks for the encouragement! I went down to an outlet store quite a distance from where I live to get my son new sneakers. He really needed new sneakers, but I also needed the distraction. When I'm honest with myself, I'm genuinely scared. Fortunately, it isn't like it's the first time I've been scared, so it's not like I'll go down in flames. I just keep coming up with these scenarios in my head where I run into some situation that forces me to admit I'm autistic, or I'm told that I should finish my time there as a student, but I'm not welcome to get hired at the end (not that I want to work outpatient, I just don't want to do a poor job).

Sorry, I really don't mean to keep on posting about this. It's just that I think it helps me to be less anxious. I want to sort of feel like there are people who know I'm doing this clinical so it's sort of like their thoughts or with me; like I'm not alone.

If it's a catharsis for you to post this, then it's all good.

I'm all ears.....

Thanks Kraftie. I don’t know what I want. I tell myself I have six weeks in this internship and I just have to survive. Trouble is I can’t assume a defensive survival mode, I need to excel and look for opportunities; I need to show initiative.

“Showing initiative” will get you far in the rehab field.

This is the prime objective for those who are rehabbing.

It's the morning of my first day. In less then 2.5 hours I'll be in my first day of clinicals. For my last clinical, I just rolled through it. I hope I'm just overreacting for this one. I just got all intimidated.

And I hate how I go through all of these imaginary scenarios in my head. I think my most elaborate one is that I'm very slow to learn, and my clinical instructor gets so angry he yells at my extremely loudly and gets abusive. This sets off a major meltdown and I cover my ears, my posture gets poor, and I lose eye contact. Than I proceed to make noises and grunts out of my mouth and one of the other coworkers says, "Oh my God, I think he's autistic." I proceed to make my way outside the building and than collapse on the wall in front of the building, rocking and making audible and indecipherable noises.

I put that out there for the hilarity of it. I basically have this guy being all mean to me and stuff. He just has a desire to teach physical therapy to students, he has a family, he is very nice to the patients, but I have him be this incredible schmuck in my mind. It's just anxiety, but it I think it has its comedic value as well.

Imagine him in his underwear....

Even better, imagine the women instructors in their underwear....

So a bit of an interesting update. First of all, I haven't "gone down in flames" yet, so that's always good.

So, I sort of suspected that I was placed in this clinic by one of my instructors on purpose. I say that because I requested to finish in a certain environment, and the instructor switched it so I'd finish in this clinic. When I asked, the instructor said this would be a good environment for me because of "the way you learn". Now I think this instructor may suspect my autism, so I thought maybe it was because of that, but then I discounted it. Anyway, today my instructor was talking to a patient about his children, and mentioned one of them had high functioning autism (his son). Now I'm wondering....

I had a pretty good day today, and I actually got to hear about a couple of students in my program who either aren't doing well, or got kicked out. So I guess I have to remember that, comparatively speaking, I might be doing better than I think I am. As usual, I panic in the beginning, but hopefully I'll continue to find my way.

It's hard for me to not admit to my CI that I have HFA now. I don't know....it's just such a risk. Oh yeah, there's also a physical therapy aide who *might* have HFA, he's extremely introverted and uses his iPad Mini whenever he's not with a patient. But, it could just be depression....it's not like one can just snap there fingers and come up with a determination.

Sounds like you are doing great. I recommend you keep HFA and ASD to yourself until after graduation. I think it would be unwise to expose any vulnerability that could remotely allow someone to derail your goals

Unfortunately, I think you're right. I have this suspicion my CI may have know I might be HFA before I even met him, but I have no way of knowing that. Either way, if being autistic were easy, it wouldn't be so fashionable. I'll just hold on to my "secret".