Why does no one want me to have a relationship?

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Marknis
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26 Jan 2019, 6:49 pm

I am always being told by others they don't want me to have a relationship but the very same people are in relationships themselves. Even people who are sex positive and wanting to engage in sex more tell me they don't want me to have human contact of any sort. Really, why is it ok for others but I am met with derision and hostility when I express the same desire? Even the people who claim to have gone through what I've continued to struggle with for the last 12 years and overcame all that tell me things like "You don't need a girlfriend!", "You are too messed up for a girlfriend!", "You need to shut yourself away!", and other damning notions.



Marknis
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27 Jan 2019, 12:19 am

Even the moderators here tell me they don't want me to be in a relationship and one of them called me an "unhappy single man with personal issues".



BeaArthur
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27 Jan 2019, 12:30 am

It's quite a logical leap from "you don't need a girlfriend" or "you are too messed up for a girlfriend" to "I don't want you to have a relationship." You have something fairly close to thought disorder.

People here don't care one way or the other, whether you have a girlfriend. What do you want - a cheering section?


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BeaArthur
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27 Jan 2019, 12:31 am

Marknis wrote:
Even the moderators here tell me they don't want me to be in a relationship and one of them called me an "unhappy single man with personal issues".

AREN'T you an unhappy single man? And DON'T you have personal issues?

Granted, it's not very sympathetic. But I'll bet no moderator here has EVER said "I don't want you to be in a relationship."


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Fireblossom
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27 Jan 2019, 4:16 am

Are you asking to get sympathy, or do you want to hear honest thoughts on why some people might not want you to have a relationship? 'Cause while I'm not one of those people, I have a few ideas of what might be the reasons for some people wishing you'd stay single.



auntblabby
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27 Jan 2019, 4:35 am

OP, I want very much for you to find happiness.



Trueno
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27 Jan 2019, 4:38 am

Well said, auntblabby.

I agree.


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Sandpiper
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27 Jan 2019, 9:23 am

People may well be giving you hints as to the reasons why they think you are not in a relationship but that is something totally different to people telling you they don't want you to have a relationship. What is your evidence for the latter?


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serpentari
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27 Jan 2019, 10:27 am

when half the threads in haven are opened by 1 same person and all about a couple of same issues that had been mulled over a thousand times, sympathy runs out. i will be awfully rude here, i dont care if u get a relationship or not, markniss. the world doesnt OWE u a partner. nor do we OWE u a reply u'd like. i personally gave u enough, before i realised u never are satisfied or seem to remember what was written for u before. i havent seen ONCE that u'd give moral support to anybody ever. maybe that is the issue? try being less of a sink, maybe then ur life feels different. and no, that is NOT saying i hate u. it says i dont have energy for u. gd out.


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BlueIris24
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27 Jan 2019, 10:49 am

You're human. Humans are social creatures. It's in our DNA.

It's perfectly reasonable to feel down or upset because you aren't in a relationship, especially when you see people who are in happy relationships all around you. You shouldn't try to push these feelings aside or tell yourself you shouldn't be feeling them, because these aren't feelings you can really prevent or control. Loneliness is normal. It's human.

Being upset because you aren't in a relationship is different than taking it out on other people for not wanting to date you, which I assume you're not doing. These repressed emotions often turns into anger and resentment, which is what mainly fuels incels and the like. Instead of internalizing how they feel, they'll direct all their bitterness and anger at women. This is just as unproductive and harmful as holding your feelings inside.

You have a right to want a relationship and feel down that it isn't happening for you. Don't listen to people who say otherwise, because while they may have good intentions, they're wrong. You're a human being, and it's a very human thing to want close relationships.



Joe90
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27 Jan 2019, 11:07 am

What do you mean by people not wanting you to be in a relationship?


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kraftiekortie
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27 Jan 2019, 11:33 am

I want you to find a girlfriend.

It will be very difficult to find one unless you change your outlook.

Why don’t you want to accentuate the positive in yourself?



Booyakasha
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27 Jan 2019, 2:38 pm

Marknis wrote:
Even the moderators here tell me they don't want me to be in a relationship and one of them called me an "unhappy single man with personal issues".


yeah, we've tried everything from voodoo dolls to curses to prevent you from having a gf :roll:

seriously, only time we ever think of your gf is when we have to deal with the numerous reports of your threads.

btw, similarly themed threads are considered spamming, and you've already started a thread of a similar name which was locked, so next time you start a similarly themed thread it'll be removed.



AquaineBay
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27 Jan 2019, 3:08 pm

Hey Marknis, I highly doubt people don't want you to have a girlfriend. Many have already said they wish you could get one.

How do you plan on getting a girlfriend if you have trouble with making friends to begin with. I see you have way more enemies here than you do friends. I was attempting to be your friend before but I can't handle it. Every topic you wrote has some sort of negativity involved and has the same subject: Girls, Bible Belt, Rednecks.

Even when a topic didn't include those things you still brought it up anyway! I'm pretty sure you have more going on in your life than just those three things.
I would want you to get a girlfriend but if I was a girl I wouldn't want to date you. You seem to have a very negative view of life and a lot of hate built in, it's too draining to be around that all the time!

If there were more things you would talk about I could maybe look over it but that's it. I am sorry about whatever went on in your life that happened to you that gave you this outlook but, unless you come to terms with it and look past it there is nothing anyone will be able to do. You don't have to drop it all at once but I would like to see you at least try.


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Marknis
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27 Jan 2019, 3:11 pm

EDIT: Removed quotes except one because I am feeling sick from negativity.

serpentari wrote:
when half the threads in haven are opened by 1 same person and all about a couple of same issues that had been mulled over a thousand times, sympathy runs out. i will be awfully rude here, i dont care if u get a relationship or not, markniss. the world doesnt OWE u a partner. nor do we OWE u a reply u'd like. i personally gave u enough, before i realised u never are satisfied or seem to remember what was written for u before. i havent seen ONCE that u'd give moral support to anybody ever. maybe that is the issue? try being less of a sink, maybe then ur life feels different. and no, that is NOT saying i hate u. it says i dont have energy for u. gd out.


I've expressed moral support for Sarahsmith, Summer_Twilight, Zeromancer, kraftiekortie, BeaArthur, and a few others.



Last edited by Marknis on 27 Jan 2019, 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Marknis
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27 Jan 2019, 3:30 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
Hey Marknis, I highly doubt people don't want you to have a girlfriend. Many have already said they wish you could get one.

How do you plan on getting a girlfriend if you have trouble with making friends to begin with. I see you have way more enemies here than you do friends. I was attempting to be your friend before but I can't handle it. Every topic you wrote has some sort of negativity involved and has the same subject: Girls, Bible Belt, Rednecks.

Even when a topic didn't include those things you still brought it up anyway! I'm pretty sure you have more going on in your life than just those three things.
I would want you to get a girlfriend but if I was a girl I wouldn't want to date you. You seem to have a very negative view of life and a lot of hate built in, it's too draining to be around that all the time!

If there were more things you would talk about I could maybe look over it but that's it. I am sorry about whatever went on in your life that happened to you that gave you this outlook but, unless you come to terms with it and look past it there is nothing anyone will be able to do. You don't have to drop it all at once but I would like to see you at least try.


You have a point and I do feel affected by my negativity.