...I lost a draft .
Medical here, as I said before, raised the possibility that the state of my kidneys could lead o me not having long to.live . Not " you're terminal " - like " if your kidneys, the way they are now, continue on long enough and get worse, it could be fatal " . That did get me thinking then, since I had bought all those books. etc.. in 2018 and pit them in storage to have a bookshelf/collection in a hoped-for room, but the amount didn't seem enough for long-term living...If nothing else, I could get some final months of living, and reading those books etc., if it worked out to that . But, I don't have that money, or those books (in storage in Cruz) available to me now .
I have often thought that, with the supposed one-line description of Aspergers' as " difficulty with social codes " - I was so alone, most of my life ! And everything in my life seemed to to combine/conspire to stopping me from building-making connections-chances to meet people. So I was so alone. Maybe there were things I could have done but didn't to build friends, but what were they ? Perhaps at a very end so could read comfortably , etc., a little - I can"t now Even all my years on this board never turned into any face-to-face friendships ' or even meetings .
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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!