Socialization always ends up being an endurance test

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I realize that every time I socialize, it always becomes an endurance test. I either wrack my brain to talk about something until I get a headache or I stutter like crazy, I sit for minutes to sometimes hours before I can finally say something or I end up just wasting time until I can finally leave (Largely why I stopped going to a Meet Up group), I get shot down and pushed to the wayside, I get pushed into doing something I really don’t want to do, or I say something and the conversation fizzles out. It doesn’t get better or easier as the years go on. If anything, it’s only gotten worse and I am probably going to end up staying in my room until I die at this rate. It’s a vicious cycle that is not showing any signs of ever stopping.

As far as I know, that's more common than not for autistic people. It's just how it is and I think that, to most of us, it always will be. However, with practice the amount of socializing one can handle can grow, especially if their social skills also get better along the way and they won't make so many mistakes anymore. Practice practice practice!

Yes, it's taken me along time to master the art of conversation.

I still have blank moments, but I'm better than I used to be.

How awful are the things you get coerced into? Is is going to a bar and being bored sort of thing?

I also have this problem too, but in a more sporadic manner because in part I feel that in such situations I am forced to interact with people regardless if I know that person or not.

Practice and study helped, but you actually put that perfectly: for (most?) autistics socialising will always be an endurance test, especially for introverts. In the right circumstances (and best case scenario) I can pull it off these days with people raving about how charming I was, BUT even in such cases the cost is considerable and I'm neither willing nor capable to make that kind of effort too often.

I'm not much of a drinker, but being sober in a bar was the perfect set-up for me to move from learning the theory on body language to studying it in practice, especially with a bit of guidance, help from allistic person.

People guilt tripping or threatening me to give them money, use my cellphone, or a ride in my vehicle.

My older brother used to make me take him to a bar where he would get drunk, urinate on the ground, and tell me I was gay. There would be no women besides the servers despite how he told me I would “get laid”. He also made me go to a football game because supposedly we would go somewhere with his “friends” after that where girls would be. Not only did the latter not happen (Probably because it was BS and my brother’s “friends” except for one were flaky people), the football game was a waste of life.

The drinking and smoking culture in my area is more swallow than a birdbath. Instead of hippies and stoners who like rock music, you have old redneck men who hack and cough as if their throats are going to pop out of their mouths or college kids who can only afford cheap beer and cigarettes while the bar blasts sh***y pop country music on the radio or the local banjo/acoustic guitar player plays boring songs. There are no interesting or unorthodox paraphernalia, just dead animals and Texas flags as well as “America! f**k Yeah!” paraphernalia. I’ve never had girls approach me due to “liquid courage” or some guys help me “get laid”.

Suggestion: Get together with one or more Aspies/auties who live near you, if you can find anyone here on WP or on some other Aspie/autie forum who lives near you. Meet each other in person once or twice in some public location (like a diner). Then go to Meetup events in Austin together. This will be less awkward than going to Meetup events all by yourself.

I was going to go to a trivia night catering to “nerds and geeks” at an Unitarian fellowship about 39 minutes from where I live but it was postponed. When things like this happen, I struggle to make it through the day. I feel like I am supposed to die because what I need is inaccessible to me.

That's pretty smart that you know that somewhere is "39 minutes" away from you.

I'm sorry the trivia contest was cancelled. Look out for more of them.

Agreed, you should look out for more trivia contests. I feel weak and stupid around people too. I Have like no true friends. I don’t know how to practice because I don’t get around people enough. I hate the group meetings of various sorts they have around here. Tried going to one, hated it. At least you have a job Mark. It may be boring but at least it gives you something to do for a few hours.

I think it's difficult for most of us on the spectrum to walk into a room full of strangers and integrate with them when we're not being explicitly offered an opportunity to speak. Especially if the topics of conversation aren't things we can relate to, or things that interest us.

If you're often being faced with similar situations as the one above when you're trying to socialise, my approach would be to come up with some social strategies prior to attending whatever it is you want to attend. If it's an interest group, you could think of some talking points that are pertinent to that interest group and wait for an opportunity to introduce them.

I'd also advise looking into some social coaches. There's some on YouTube who break down social situations, and offer insight into what works, what doesn't work, and why. Also, if you struggle with eye contact, working on that is likely to help. These are the things I'd do if I was to try putting myself in more social situations and I'd found that just winging it wasn't working.

Marknis, I would suggest that you post a note in the Friendship Board - Age 19 Onwards thread asking to be PM'd by nonreligious nerdy people in the Austin area. Like I said, going to an event where there is at least one person you already know is a lot less awkward than going someplace where you're a complete stranger. Moreover, if the event gets canceled, then you can just hang out with each other instead.

This is very true