Depression, fear

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Not sure if this is the best spot, but how do you deal with the fear that you just can't keep up with your work or school of life? That you've presented this appearance of being 'normal' for so long that you feel you have to maintain it, but you don't think you can?

Every weekend, I dread going back to work on Monday. I know I do excellent work, better than anyone expects and much more than my coworkers, but it's so draining. I worry myself sick that this week will be the one in which I can't control myself.. This will be when I blow up or tell someone off.. Or I'll do or say something 'not normal ' that tips off everyone to my condition and then things will really fall apart.

Does anyone else deal with this? How do you handle it?

I guess I keep pushing through the fear, til something happens, then I do a clean up and repeat the process.

The fear of what will happen is often a massive exaggeration of what actually happens. I've done little experiments to 'reality test' in these situations and found that anxiety amplifies fears way beyond what is realistic or even possible.

I remind myself of this in moments where I'm aware that irrational fears have hijacked my brain.

On another note, I've decided to pull back on my workload, not a great financial decision, but a fantastic one for my health, we only live once...Carpe diem.