Epic Failure

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I feel like there are secret codes to things in life that everybody understands except me. So I see people doing all sorts of things and making connections with other people, but I am on the outside looking in because I don’t know the codes. Going to cry myself to sleep now, again.

Did anything in particular happen?

If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to exchange messages. Many of those exchanges you’re seeing, are superficial. Genuine connections are rare.

I used to feel like that a lot, too... until I realized that I miss some keys most other people have but I also have my unique keys others seem not to have.
Keep warm and hugs for you!

I asked the above question in order to encourage him to focus on what specifically is bothering him.

He is writing like I speak when I am afraid to get into specifics.

It might look superficial...but there’s a purpose behind what I asked.

Family reunion (thanks for responding, it helps so much just to know someone is listening)

I know what you mean.

I don’t like getting together even with my immediate family.

My older brother is doing much better than me.

When you go to these things, you should emphasize the success you have obtained....not the negatives.

I've cracked some of those secret codes, though by no means all. They're wildly insane. They involve lies and empty promises to "spare someone's feelings." "Call me any time day or night," says an acquaintance. Secret translation: "I'm just saying something nice, but really what I mean is, don't call me at all, because you're not a good friend of mine. In fact, if you were to call me in the middle of the night, I'd go around complaining to everyone about you!"

Another code: Agree with a group of co-workers in a meeting even though you have to lie through your teeth, because otherwise, you're not being a "team player." Did it even occur to me to lie? Why the heck would it! And I'm the one with the communication problem!

There's a billion other inticracies to saying the right thing at precisely the right time, and even if you can keep up a NT mask for a little bit, it is the most EXHAUSTING thing in the world. Which might explain the 21 years I've spent in the mental health system and the 12 years I've spent in bed 23/7.

So crack the codes, and all you'll find is a world of stupidity, triviality, and hypocrisy. A good NT isn't going to care about codes, as long as a person is polite and respectful. (Also, we should listen to the NT, especially if we want the NT to listen to us from time to time.) But codes are for people who only want to use them a year or two per decade. From my experience!

However well I was accepted (at least until the fatigue swallowed me up), I still felt like I was on the fringes. When I got my diagnosis, though, I felt like I was part of something for the first time. With autism, I'm not trying to look between constantly moving heads to catch a view of the parade. First of all, we don't have parades, because... ugh! My only communication with autistics has been through this forum, but it's so comforting to know that they're out there--my people. They don't know what it is to be me, but they know what it is to be like me. Ultimately, they're the connections I most want to cultivate.