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Already feeling like quitting college again

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Marknis
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26 Aug 2019, 11:01 am

The course I signed up for won’t start until tomorrow but I had to go to the college today to update my student ID and get a new parking permit. The person working for the admissions and records kept asking me if I wanted my course schedule despite asking for an update on my student ID and a new parking permit to the point I wanted to yell at her for being stupid. Someone I haven’t seen for a long time was also there and she approached me asking what I was doing back at the college and to pray to God about what major I should go for. I always feel unprepared to talk to people I don’t expect to see so I stuttered and stammered as well as agreed with her to things I really don’t agree with.

I also noticed all the attractive young women but I am not considered qualified by the sh***y culture I live in to talk to them because of my unattractive face, my out of shape body, and my anxiety that makes people think I am a drug addict so I am going to suffer more disappointments and false hope. The bad boys were also cutting up with them and smiling. I feel like I am getting sick as I type all of this. I haven’t even started but I already feel like quitting.



The Grand Inquisitor
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26 Aug 2019, 6:18 pm

Marknis wrote:
I also noticed all the attractive young women but I am not considered qualified by the sh***y culture I live in to talk to them because of my unattractive face, my out of shape body, and my anxiety that makes people think I am a drug addict so I am going to suffer more disappointments and false hope. The bad boys were also cutting up with them and smiling. I feel like I am getting sick as I type all of this. I haven’t even started but I already feel like quitting.

Attractive women generally want attractive men, no matter which culture you live in.

What in your mind makes someone a "bad boy"?



Marknis
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27 Aug 2019, 12:04 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I also noticed all the attractive young women but I am not considered qualified by the sh***y culture I live in to talk to them because of my unattractive face, my out of shape body, and my anxiety that makes people think I am a drug addict so I am going to suffer more disappointments and false hope. The bad boys were also cutting up with them and smiling. I feel like I am getting sick as I type all of this. I haven’t even started but I already feel like quitting.

Attractive women generally want attractive men, no matter which culture you live in.

What in your mind makes someone a "bad boy"?


They usually have s**t eating grins, are always talking or laughing about stupid things regardless if it annoys others or not, tend to be very boastful, are constantly teasing or harassing women, and have no qualms about treating men who they consider to be “losers” with contempt.



Fireblossom
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27 Aug 2019, 9:44 am

Is it possible that your answers weren't clear enough and she kept asking because she didn't understand? Do you stutter? Or was she old? If she was it could've been a matter of bad hearing. Or maybe there was some communication problem on both sides; maybe she assumed that you wanted other stuff too because most students do?

As for being anxious, I'd advice to not quit because of that. I'm always anxious when I have to start a new job or go to a new place, even when I expect it to be fun, because the new things and things that change my routines stress me and make me uncomfortable. Could be the same for you. And if you've already paid for the course then it'd be a bit of a waste to not try at least once or twice, right?

What are you going there for again, to study or to hit on women? If the former then how does this even matter?
Besides, what does it matter what the culture you live in thinks in general? If some woman gets interested in you and you in her then the culture can shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Also, once more, have you considered becoming more attractive? I don't remember what your face looks like, but the "out of shape -body" is something that you can work on. Anxiety too, on some level. Do you still go to therapy? Also, I'm sure there are some self help books for anxiety that you could read. Even if they don't end up helping you out there's no harm in trying.

Also curious how do you know the men there were what you label as "bad boys?" Did you know them from somewhere beforehand? Having a _eating grin can just mean someone is a very positive person or that they just happened to be in a really good mood. People who talk or laugh about stupid things might actually just be stupid instead of bad, or they and their friends might find the things funny. If they do they'll hardly pay attention to what some random by passer (in this case you) thinks. Being too boastful, well, the difference between that and self confidence is a fine line and people can't always agree on where it is, especially if someone happens to have bad social skills (I once got in trouble for cheering in class 'cause I got all of my English homework right and no one else in the class did.) Nothing wrong with teasing women if the women are fine with it, even if it's constant. Harrasment is, of course, another thing entirely and should not be tolerated... exactly what kind of harrasment do you tend to witness them doing? Again, treating someone with contempt isn't okay, except if someone has committed some horrible crime, but again we have the question of what you count as being treated with contempt, for it's possible that them and you have different ideas of what it means.



Marknis
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27 Aug 2019, 1:18 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Is it possible that your answers weren't clear enough and she kept asking because she didn't understand? Do you stutter? Or was she old? If she was it could've been a matter of bad hearing. Or maybe there was some communication problem on both sides; maybe she assumed that you wanted other stuff too because most students do?

As for being anxious, I'd advice to not quit because of that. I'm always anxious when I have to start a new job or go to a new place, even when I expect it to be fun, because the new things and things that change my routines stress me and make me uncomfortable. Could be the same for you. And if you've already paid for the course then it'd be a bit of a waste to not try at least once or twice, right?

What are you going there for again, to study or to hit on women? If the former then how does this even matter?
Besides, what does it matter what the culture you live in thinks in general? If some woman gets interested in you and you in her then the culture can shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Also, once more, have you considered becoming more attractive? I don't remember what your face looks like, but the "out of shape -body" is something that you can work on. Anxiety too, on some level. Do you still go to therapy? Also, I'm sure there are some self help books for anxiety that you could read. Even if they don't end up helping you out there's no harm in trying.

Also curious how do you know the men there were what you label as "bad boys?" Did you know them from somewhere beforehand? Having a _eating grin can just mean someone is a very positive person or that they just happened to be in a really good mood. People who talk or laugh about stupid things might actually just be stupid instead of bad, or they and their friends might find the things funny. If they do they'll hardly pay attention to what some random by passer (in this case you) thinks. Being too boastful, well, the difference between that and self confidence is a fine line and people can't always agree on where it is, especially if someone happens to have bad social skills (I once got in trouble for cheering in class 'cause I got all of my English homework right and no one else in the class did.) Nothing wrong with teasing women if the women are fine with it, even if it's constant. Harrasment is, of course, another thing entirely and should not be tolerated... exactly what kind of harrasment do you tend to witness them doing? Again, treating someone with contempt isn't okay, except if someone has committed some horrible crime, but again we have the question of what you count as being treated with contempt, for it's possible that them and you have different ideas of what it means.


I didn’t stutter until I got stressed out and she was probably in her 50’s. It’s possible she had bad hearing but she didn’t say anything.

A part of me wants to get a college degree but another part of myself is always wondering if just maybe I will finally find a girlfriend since I was constantly told that by others when I expressed frustration not having a girlfriend in my primary and secondary education years. I try to exercise at the gym but it’s very tedious. I still have therapy.

They mirror the behaviors of the bad boys I knew at school and who were my older brother’s “friends”. I see them telling women to “Shut the f**k up, b***h!” or “Woo hop! Damn, b***h, you got a nice ass!”, and physically restraining them, putting themselves on them, or even punching them in the face.



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28 Aug 2019, 10:21 am

Marknis wrote:
A part of me wants to get a college degree but another part of myself is always wondering if just maybe I will finally find a girlfriend since I was constantly told that by others when I expressed frustration not having a girlfriend in my primary and secondary education years. I try to exercise at the gym but it’s very tedious. I still have therapy.

They mirror the behaviors of the bad boys I knew at school and who were my older brother’s “friends”. I see them telling women to “Shut the f**k up, b***h!” or “Woo hop! Damn, b***h, you got a nice ass!”, and physically restraining them, putting themselves on them, or even punching them in the face.


You really should try to not obsess about it. It won't make it happen any faster and if people notice you're desperate it'll likely take even longer. Just try to focus on studying... think of it this way: better education lands you chances at better jobs, better job would mean more money and more money would mean that you could afford to go to interesting events where you could meet likely minded women more. Or you could get that better job from Austin or even further away and move close to that job, increasing your dating pool. Think long term.
I can't argue with your opinion on training, I'd rather not do it either (I do it at home), but it's easier to tolerate when I remind myself of the health benefits it'll bring long term and the fact that doing it will help me have a body that I'll be more comfortable with. There's also the bonus of it probably making attracting suitable guys easier, but that's a small thing, especially since I know that even if I can attract them they are likely to not stick around due to my poor social skills. :lol:

Yeah okay, that's bad... I mean if they only talked like that then that might just be the way it works in your culture, but the rest can't be excused with cultural differences.



Marknis
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28 Aug 2019, 11:58 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
A part of me wants to get a college degree but another part of myself is always wondering if just maybe I will finally find a girlfriend since I was constantly told that by others when I expressed frustration not having a girlfriend in my primary and secondary education years. I try to exercise at the gym but it’s very tedious. I still have therapy.

They mirror the behaviors of the bad boys I knew at school and who were my older brother’s “friends”. I see them telling women to “Shut the f**k up, b***h!” or “Woo hop! Damn, b***h, you got a nice ass!”, and physically restraining them, putting themselves on them, or even punching them in the face.


You really should try to not obsess about it. It won't make it happen any faster and if people notice you're desperate it'll likely take even longer. Just try to focus on studying... think of it this way: better education lands you chances at better jobs, better job would mean more money and more money would mean that you could afford to go to interesting events where you could meet likely minded women more. Or you could get that better job from Austin or even further away and move close to that job, increasing your dating pool. Think long term.
I can't argue with your opinion on training, I'd rather not do it either (I do it at home), but it's easier to tolerate when I remind myself of the health benefits it'll bring long term and the fact that doing it will help me have a body that I'll be more comfortable with. There's also the bonus of it probably making attracting suitable guys easier, but that's a small thing, especially since I know that even if I can attract them they are likely to not stick around due to my poor social skills. :lol:

Yeah okay, that's bad... I mean if they only talked like that then that might just be the way it works in your culture, but the rest can't be excused with cultural differences.


I had to go through the student lounge today to get a text book (The book store is accessible only through it) and I saw a Goth/punk looking woman on one of the sofas but she was texting like crazy on her phone and when she did see me, she looked cautious. A part of me wanted to talk to her but I just kept going since I also felt like I would most likely get a “f**k off” signal from her.

Those same jerks wouldn’t know a thing about Finland and would boast about their anti-intellectualism.



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28 Aug 2019, 1:32 pm

Marknis wrote:
I had to go through the student lounge today to get a text book (The book store is accessible only through it) and I saw a Goth/punk looking woman on one of the sofas but she was texting like crazy on her phone and when she did see me, she looked cautious. A part of me wanted to talk to her but I just kept going since I also felt like I would most likely get a “f**k off” signal from her.

Those same jerks wouldn’t know a thing about Finland and would boast about their anti-intellectualism.


Don't read too much in to it; it's normal to be cautious about strangers, especially women being cautious of men. If she was clearly younger than you then that makes it even less unusual; even not so attractive women get approached by old creeps (old as in too old for them in the dating sense) and unlike some people might think, I'd say that most women would rather not be approached by men at all than to have to deal with those.

Well to be fair, I don't think most Americans would know all that much about Finland.



Marknis
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28 Aug 2019, 4:06 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I had to go through the student lounge today to get a text book (The book store is accessible only through it) and I saw a Goth/punk looking woman on one of the sofas but she was texting like crazy on her phone and when she did see me, she looked cautious. A part of me wanted to talk to her but I just kept going since I also felt like I would most likely get a “f**k off” signal from her.

Those same jerks wouldn’t know a thing about Finland and would boast about their anti-intellectualism.


Don't read too much in to it; it's normal to be cautious about strangers, especially women being cautious of men. If she was clearly younger than you then that makes it even less unusual; even not so attractive women get approached by old creeps (old as in too old for them in the dating sense) and unlike some people might think, I'd say that most women would rather not be approached by men at all than to have to deal with those.

Well to be fair, I don't think most Americans would know all that much about Finland.


She looked like she was in her 20’s. I just keep fearing that my 30’s will be the same as my 20’s and I will probably lose my sanity.

I’ve seen elderly men with young women and I’ve even read horrifying stories of them threatening young men away from young women by pulling guns or knives on them and they force the young women with the same weapons. I’ve even seen young women having sex with those kind of men (I once paid for a “fling site” out of desperation but it was unproductive) and it made me want to just give up entirely. It was like all women at my age during that time (21) only wanted elderly men as relationship partners.
I don’t want to date the elderly women in the culture I live in, though. I would feel so embarrassed if someone saw me walking and holding hands with a woman the same age as my grandmother suffering age-related problems and talking in a “granny voice”. The elderly women I encounter tend to be hyper religious and don’t share any of the interests I have.

Bible Belters tend to not care about things outside the US but even non-Bible Belt states.



The Grand Inquisitor
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28 Aug 2019, 6:40 pm

Marknis wrote:
I try to exercise at the gym but it’s very tedious.

I can understand that, but in my opinion and experience, diet is more important for weight loss anyway, and the best place to start.

Let's say you work out for an hour and burn off 500 calories, and after your workout, you've worked up an appetite. If you end up eating 500 calories more than what you'd normally eat in that day, you've sabotaged your weight loss progress, and if you're not keeping track of your diet, you may not even realise that you're doing that.

On the other hand, you can remain as sedentary as normal and if you go from eating 3000 calories a day to, say, 2500 calories a day, you'll create a caloric deficit and no matter what else you do or don't do, you'll start losing weight, at least while you're consuming less calories than you're burning.

Is there any reason why you wouldn't be open to reforming your unhealthy eating habits? Because I think it's probably the best thing you can do right now, and I can tell you what worked for me.

I've gone from drinking soda and iced coffee every single day to only drinking water. I'm not having any kind of chocolate or ice cream or anything like that. The only bad eating habit I have left is fast food, and come September 1st, I won't be having that either. It's all about habit, and getting yourself out of bad eating habits. It's easy to upkeep once you get the ball rolling.

Losing weight will kill four birds with one stone for you. YoI'll stop yourself getting diabetes, you'll be more physically attractive to most women, you'll have more energy and you'll feel better about yourself.



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28 Aug 2019, 7:57 pm

I find coffee is terrible for losing weight because it makes me crave lots of protein. If I don’t eat a lot after drinking coffee I have anxiety.



Marknis
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29 Aug 2019, 2:34 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Is there any reason why you wouldn't be open to reforming your unhealthy eating habits? Because I think it's probably the best thing you can do right now, and I can tell you what worked for me.


It’s not so much that I am opposed to changing my eating habits but feeling like my life is essentially over that my motivation is at its all time low and I comfort eat out of habit.



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29 Aug 2019, 3:16 am

Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Is there any reason why you wouldn't be open to reforming your unhealthy eating habits? Because I think it's probably the best thing you can do right now, and I can tell you what worked for me.


It’s not so much that I am opposed to changing my eating habits but feeling like my life is essentially over that my motivation is at its all time low and I comfort eat out of habit.


Would you be open to starting new healthy habits? Breaking the 'comfort eating habit?'
Have you spoken with your Therapist about breaking the unhelpful habits?



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29 Aug 2019, 7:35 am

Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Is there any reason why you wouldn't be open to reforming your unhealthy eating habits? Because I think it's probably the best thing you can do right now, and I can tell you what worked for me.


It’s not so much that I am opposed to changing my eating habits but feeling like my life is essentially over that my motivation is at its all time low and I comfort eat out of habit.


Would it be possible to switch the comfort food to something healthier?



Marknis
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30 Aug 2019, 8:26 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Is there any reason why you wouldn't be open to reforming your unhealthy eating habits? Because I think it's probably the best thing you can do right now, and I can tell you what worked for me.


It’s not so much that I am opposed to changing my eating habits but feeling like my life is essentially over that my motivation is at its all time low and I comfort eat out of habit.


Would it be possible to switch the comfort food to something healthier?


It’s possible and I am also trying to keep in mind that I am close to being broke after paying for a course and a text book as well as having to renew my Barnes & Noble membership out of my own pocket instead of birthday money like I used to. I did get a spin-off book for Overlord for 30% off since it was new; the first volumes of the light novel and manga I could only get 10% off but I still got them.

EDGAR_54 wrote:
Would you be open to starting new healthy habits? Breaking the 'comfort eating habit?'
Have you spoken with your Therapist about breaking the unhelpful habits?


I would and I have actually have turned down eating comfort foods at times. My therapist thinks extreme and obsessive thoughts are my largest problems.



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31 Aug 2019, 4:06 am

Marknis wrote:
EDGAR_54 wrote:
Would you be open to starting new healthy habits? Breaking the 'comfort eating habit?'
Have you spoken with your Therapist about breaking the unhelpful habits?


I would and I have actually have turned down eating comfort foods at times. My therapist thinks extreme and obsessive thoughts are my largest problems.


I'm with your therapist on that one, but since they're hard to fix, it might be better to start with something easier, like better eating habits... I mean of course if you weren't depressed then you wouldn't need comfort eating in the first place, but if you can solve that problem as a separate issue, you should.