You CAN do it, Mountain Goat!

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This is just a thread to cheer Mountain Goat on, through the very difficult task of completing the huge packets associated with getting the help/support he needs. A few pages at a time MG and eventually you'll get through it. I can't wait for the day when you tell us that you've been approved and don't have to be stressed out about work or making ends meet.

You are a wonderful, valued member on Wrong Planet.

Don't give up!

I agree.

MountainGoat is a very valuable member of WP.

He will get through this!

Is about benefits. To claim a sickness benefit one has to get a doctors note. My doctor is happy to supply them until I am assessed and then to go from there. She said that if I felt I was ready to work she would also back me up etc. In other words, I have my doctors full support.
The benefits people use their own doctors. To be honest, I have heard some tales are severely handicapped and dissabled people who have been told they need to look for work, or go back to work etc, as the benefits people over ride the doctors decisions.
Now I know that I am not ready yet to find a job and start work. When I took my last temporary part time work, I thought I was ready and regretted the decision as I quickly found myself in a mess. And being who I am, I carry on in this mess deteriating fast as I will give my every last bit that I can to see things through, which the concequences of working through such a burntout situation mean that I have deteriated compared to how I was before. I was in such a mess that I wrote down all my passwords because I knew I was close to a breakdown. Fortunately the end of the employment came before this happened, and I thank everyone for your prayers and support.

Now I have two lots of forms to fill in. It took roughly two months to set up and claim the benefit. Having this gives me a breathing space so I get a chance to recover. Recovery for me is avoiding stress. Not having an income and not being able to work brings me stress as I can't keep a vehicle on the road, where having no vehicle means a few miles walk up a steep hill to get home... And feeling fragile means I don't think I have the strength in me to do that and carry the shopping etc. My Mum can no longer do it either. So having no income is concerning.
Now the first lot of forms are to do with being assessed to see if they think I should be looking and finding work or not. Is a 24 page booklet to work through. Is very difficult to answer the questions with the condition I have because it varies so much. All I can do is tick the "It varies" box and write down both the extremes which usually range from being in a total shutdown where I am on the floor unable to move, unable to see or hear (Other then loud tinitus) and I am in such a panic but unable to panic due to brain shutting down... And then comes the other extreme where I can be as active and able as most people out there. I have to put both extremes on the forms because if I only put the full shutdown vegetable like state in, and then I walk into their office as a fully functioning person what would they think? Is this the same person? (And I could not blame them if they thought this!)
So trying to fill these forms out is not at all easy!
They will then likely want me to go to the benefits doctors which s fair enough. They will then give their conclusions to the benefits people who will make a decision as to if I need to look for work or not. So in effect, they can over ride my doctors decision to put me on the sick.
Now I don't want to get in a burnt out state again. I want to fully recover and know I am recovered before I then look for work. Working is not a problem as long as I am feeling good. When I am feeling good and not anxious, and not having partial or full shutdowns, as long as I am enjoying rhe work I am fine. But not whenI am feeling fragile like this. (I am actually fearful that I might not recover as each successive burnout during each temporary job I have tried in recent years has had me in a downward spiral... So I am concerned.
Therefore, I have made the decision that if the outcome is that I have to find work, then I will stop my claim to benefits of any type, and go without. My health is more important to me then an income.

Now those are the first lot of forms. There is a second lot of forms which are about 64 pages long. This is to claim a smaller benefit known as PIP. To be honest, I am only putting in for this because the lady in the benefits office and some of you on here have encouraged me to do so. The lady in the benefits office is very encouraging and has said I may as well try it. They can always say no if I am not entitled to it. It is not a priority, but it does have an advantage that if they decide I am entitled to it, that it is independent of the first benefit. I asked the lady "What happens if I get this other benefit, and then I recover?" She said not to worry as they review it on a regular basis (Yearly I believe) and I can let them know if my circumstances change. Now if I am entitled to this one, and I quit claiming the first one, I will still get this second one. I am told it is not much, but not much is a whole lot better then no help and having the stress of no income and not feeling ready to work. (I know. Many may say that I need to try to work. But I have tried and tried and tried and it is by forcing myself to work when I am not up to working, that had brought me into this burnout stage in the first place! If I had listened to my body and mind, I would not have deteriated so far and would have been in a better position by now to take on the world! (If that makes sense?)

So I am ok. I need to keep doing a few pages a time until these forms are filled in and sent off. I can then leave the decisions in other peoples hands, so whatever will be will be.

So many here are pulling for you, want to see you be able to relax and keep your train collection. Keep the faith...

Aww. Thanks.

Go, go MountainGoat!

All the best to you, MG! I hope everything works out for you!

Thanks all. I have finished the one form which is 24 pages long. I will start the next form next. The 64 page form. While it would be much easier just to go in and see someone from the outset, forms are better to explain things as I'd likely clam up face to face when talking about these things. Also, sometimes talking about shutdowns makes me start to shut down... Haha. Shows how thinking about things can make the mind effect the body etc.
I used to assume it was my body that effected my mind. Never occured to me that the mind can effect the body. Actually, knowing this has stopped me heading on wild goose chases. Not that I am chasing any geese. Geese. Funny tings. Since we have had ducks, and I've visited places that have geese and the geese have gone for me I know how to handle them and they soon back off. Haha!

Wasn't Rome built in like seven days? I know it has seven hills.

I think you'll do it, Mountain Goat. Just be persistent with yourself.

Seven hills. Yes, from what I heard.

Thanks all.

This is a check in, MG. Keep plugging... you can do it!

Yesterday and today so far I have not looked at the forms. Yesterday I was busy as I met someone who I had spoken to online and I showed her some of my local area of Wales.
Today I was soo anxious etc. I have been at the dentist. I was about 20 to 30 minutes sittingnin the car unable to move before I calmed down enough to come out to walk from the car to the dentist. When anxious like that I can't walk. Then I went to the toilet as I find I need the loo a bit when I am like that. I went in the aaiting room and I felt my body going weak on me and I ended up in the depths of a partial shutdown. I wasn't quite fully shutdown as I could still see and hear but I had the tinitus which is just before my eyesight goes. All I could do was to lie across some seats in the waiting room. Luckily, not many people were there.
I then managed to walk to the dentists room and chair and I said I was not too great. My dentist lady is ever so beautifully kind and gentle. I asked to sit up. I need to drink water as I keep swollowing when I am like that. But she was able to do a filling for me without the drill or injection. She said if it does not take it will need drilling, so if it comes out I will need to be knocked out.
I am so fortunate to have such lovely people. I would be in a right mess if they were not so kind and patient with me.

^ I'm sorry for your shutdown; I'm glad you persevered and got the filling. I hope it sticks!! !!

Good job finding (by luck or wit) a good dental resource. I have been fortunate to have good dentists (this recent two decades). For specialty doctors I've had to jump around a bit.

My (NT) dad had financial hardship (unemployed in his 60s). He had his teeth pulled rather then asking for personal loans. I don't think he misses those particular teeth, but I haven't asked. Do you miss the teeth you had pulled? Did your other teeth move around?

My daughter isn't big on leaving her teeth for the tooth fairy. We have one upstairs still in a Tic Tac container. Did you get your teeth back or dispose of them?