Awful use of incentive + class actually notices my failure

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I said I would try to stop posting here but what happened today deserves it. I found out this morning that I had done my coursework wrong and had two days to change it which started my day off awfully and I was already stressed because of the therapy thing, really bad sleep deprivation and not eating because my body is refusing to pick up hunger signals like I should so I just forget. Until about 7pm today I was running on a matcha latte. My day is going fine/albeit stressful until just before my one lesson I hit a wall and have to go leave my friends to go cry for a bit. I get over it and come back. All's good right? No.

Before my lesson when we are queuing outside someone asks me if I did the homework and I joke about how I did it just now because if I joke about it hurts less. One of my classmates then starts chuckling and comments on how I am constantly doing that. Firstly, he is correct because of my poor organisational skills but secondly how did he even notice that I am such a mess? That is honestly so embarrassing. Then, the lesson starts and I forget you are not supposed to honest when people ask how you are and I tell someone that I was crying in a bush literally ten minutes ago. Awkward but I can move past it. Then I accidentally comment on how my computer screen has got worse (I borrow a laptop from the school to type lessons on and something happened to the screen, it gets worse everyday and I am too scared to tell anyone) and someone in disbelief says how have I not told already. I then make the mistake of showing her my screen and the whole class look, comment on the fact I haven't told anyone yet and start joking about it. I didn't realise they'd look too and I am ashamed. Then the teacher starts going through the mark scheme and it is at that moment I realise I have failed a portion of the test and I lose it.

I begin hyperventilating in class and run out and have a massive panic attack that is super loud and embarrassing. Some teacher then decides to point out the last one I had was two days ago and that if the college don't think I can cope I will be let go??? I can't of course explain myself because I'm so shocked but it has destroyed my ability to sleep as now as a result because I am absolutely terrified of being let go. The thing is, for me, regular panic attacks are normal and I have gotten great grades at times where I am having one or more a day. That's just how I am. Whether they move me or not I will keep having them but I don't know how on earth I explain that. It was pointed out to me she was probably trying to push me and took me saying I find my courses hard as me being bad at them. I'm not. I have an A in one, and averages of B in the others and for one of those it's because I get A on half the tests and C or D on the other half because of how they're marked (you make one mistake and you get no marks). They predict I will leave with no lower than all As. She also dismissed me when I said that me being let go for therapy was part of me melting down the past two days, saying it was separate. IT IS NOT. If I am extra stressed it will make me sensitive to other things.

I then leave scared out of my mind and embarrassed and the cherry on top is that two guys from my class are by the staircase I need to pass and they both turn to look at me, one of them being someone who has already seen me have a panic attack before which I really don't like. Oh and in the commotion I lost my glasses!

I think I'm going to have to check my place in the college is indeed secure with my tutor and I am honestly really angry about this because I try so hard and find everything difficult and then one teacher low key threatens to drop me. I know she was trying to help but she's done the exact opposite. So now all my classmates know how much of a mess I am and I am terrified of being dropped from school. Wonder if that will cause any more panic attacks??

This is definitely the time to speak to a counselor. So you can show the school that you’re seeking to address the panic attacks.

This is so they won’t drop you. And maybe it might do you good. It’s not because I’m necessarily sympathetic to how the school handles things.

Is this a Sixth Form sort of place?

Did you find your glasses?

Have you decided what you want to do your A-Levels in?

Sounds pretty nifty, actually.

Have you decided what you are going to emphasize at University? (what we, in the US, call a "major").

It seems that sometimes (particularly miserable) teachers will use the threat of you failing to somehow make you work harder. They think it will make you want to improve. It used to do the complete opposite to me.

I am sorry you had "a bad day". We all get them. I remember years ago at work that sometimes I might hit the wrong key on the computer and it would generate a global delete. Computers were much slower then. I would see one of my files show up on the computer screen and then be deleted and then another and another. It was as if the world slowed down. I watched as weeks and months worth of work were being deleted right before my eyes and I could do nothing. Nothing but watch. There were no backup files in those early days, no cloud backup that could come to your rescue. All that work was gone, gone forever. It was a bad day.

One of the problems you are experiencing is panic attacks. They can be very devastating. There are several approaches for dealing with panic attacks. I am an old Aspie. Maybe I should be called an ancient Aspie at this point because I am 71 years old. But I also learned a very important secret in my life that prevents me from having panic attacks. This approach is difficult to put down in words. I called it "the Spock Anomaly" because it reminds me of Mr. Spock in the TV series called Star Trek.

Now I do not know if this skill can be taught. But I can perceive that others Aspies have learned it. So I will explain the process and give you a homework assignment and see if you can learn this skill and practice it. If you can learn this skill, you will never again experience a panic attack for the rest of your life.

What is the Spock Anomaly? To put simplistically, it is the following 4 steps:

1. Under great stress, press the pause button.
2. Consider the array of potential solutions to the dilemma.
3. Pick the best one.
4. And then (most importantly) implement that best solution.

When you hit the pause button, one undergoes a mild form of brain dissociation, similar to daydreaming. But in this case, one separates out the emotional portion of the brain from the analytical portion and then completely turns off the emotional side of the brain while simultaneously spinning up the analytical side. You become a version of Spock in Star Trek.

Normally the brain collapses under great distress from the "social" brain to the "flight or fight response" brain to the core brain which produces a deep panic attack called "tonic immobility". But by using the Spock Anomaly, one breaks this destructive chain and stops a panic attack dead in its tracks.

Homework Assignment:
Watch the movie called "Please Stand By". At least 3 times in the movie the main character employs the Spock Anomaly. Identify those times. And then learn to practice this technique. Anytime you feel your stress levels beginning to rise dramatically, implement those 4 steps. And I will give you a hint. The hardest of these steps is number 4.

There is one other secret about the "Spock Anomaly". In step number 1 you turn off the emotional side of the brain. As a result, you feel no emotions. No anger, no hate, no fear! As a result, you become totally fearless. It is the lack of fear that allows you to complete step number 4.