I wish there were less social rules.... They are exhausting

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I have mentioned elsewhere that when I was diagnosed with ASD they told me it was moderate but that I was very good at masking and so it hadn't been picked up because I was quite good at masking. So, I am very used to talking with people and seeming normal until a sensory problem presents it self or some other such thing. It's just that it is so exhausting and to make matters worse, I actually like socialising with others as it sort of gives me a break from the anxiety disorder as I can't focus on it. Downside is, it drains me as I constantly calculate everything that I am saying/is being said the whole time.

I seem to be making friends which is very lucky for someone with ASD, I know this, but I can't help but be frustrated because it is 1) at a very slow pace and 2) each time requires me very slowly introducing them to the weirder sides of me. Problem is, I still mess up and say inappropriate things all the time which for some people, can suddenly make us very close and break the ice and for others, do the exact opposite.

The thing is when faced with people who I make no progress with I have no idea what to do. Am I blunt/honest and say I don't know what to do and go on from there or do I keep on stumbling my way awkwardly through interactions, only to often later find out that I am doing the wrong things in an attempt to be normal. This is happening with multiple people and it is the most frustrating thing as on one hand my friends are telling me that it is really weird that despite talking to these people for a long time I am making no progress/most of our time is in silence but when I suggest that I just be honest their eyes widen and they tell me it's a really bad idea.

I understand following social rules to not upset others and I very happily do that. I would gladly be drained in order to make sure others are not upset. I like helping people and making them feel good. However, I hate the fact there are some things I cannot do because they are "weird" and must then lose my energy and happiness in order to be accepted. Why ask me how I am doing if I need to reply good or fine? Why can't I just say I don't know if someone wants to talk to me or not? Why can't I just tell the truth? Why must everything be covered in 500 layers of signals that I am supposed to somehow pick up on. I hate it. It's caused so many issues for me as me not being able to ask someone something once led to me coming to the conclusion that I was inherently repulsive as an answer and despite this being about five years ago, I can't shake it off and sure as hell can't ask.

This I write because when my college opens on Wednesday I must go back to a class where me and the only other person who turns up 20 minutes early must sit next to each other in silence the whole time because I don't know if they want to talk or not. Apparently that is weird and they probably do because they look in my direction and may have attempted to converse in the past but I don't know for sure and apparently I cannot ask because that's weird. It's been months and every week it just gets worse. I know they aren't difficult to speak to because my friend can do it so clearly I am the one messing up but can't find out why. Dang social rules!

All I can say is keep practicing socializing. Over time it might become easier and you might understand people more. I’m better at socializing then when I was in my 20’s. I’m more relaxed now. When you can’t take it anymore take a break from socializing. Why does it always have to be us that’s the problem? Why can’t neuro typicals just be more understanding and accept our quirks!

I don't think it's because people are unsympathetic.

I think it's because people frequently just don't know what to say, and are embarrassed by that fact.

I'm not sure that there are so many social rules. I think Aspies create a lot of rules.
But, I think normal people rely more on body language and eye contact instead of rules.
If a normal person wanders into stuff they shouldn't be saying, I think they get immediate feedback and realize they need to stop. Just like a stop sign when you are driving. But Aspies are oblivious to to social stop signs.

Maybe you're being too hard on yourself. Remember, being on the spectrum usually means trying harder than your NT counterpart to get through each day and present in an acceptable manner. You're having the life sucked out of you, literally, and worrying over everyone else to boot... Sounds like you click really well with some people/friends and not others, which is the same for NTs. Only, you agonise over making everyone else feel comfortable with you. Because you're a nice person, and trying soo hard. Relax up on yourself a little, maybe. Remember, there's two of you waiting the 20 mins in silence. I wonder which of you is agonizing over that silence more? You're clearly very good at masking, and that's why you flew under the radar for so long. It's only natural, it takes a little bit to readjust socially after a break, and silence can be golden, I've found. By that, I mean that being, maybe far quieter at times than other people around you, can make you more approachable. A gentle, warm, understanding nature can mean people see you as easier to be around. As for saying inappropriate things at times, doesn't everyone put their foot in it at some time or other? We agonize so much over these things. In the end, what matters is that you can say you gave it your best.x