I don't want to be a narcissist

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Joe90
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28 Apr 2023, 5:25 am

I just heard about covert narcissism and it appears to describe me, even though I don't have a sense of superiority.

It seems that these traits of narcissism I keep reading about are present in everybody. How can one not be a narcissist of some sort (overt or covert)? I don't understand.

I have anxiety disorder and ADHD (yeah, and ASD
I suppose :roll: ). Although I have shyness I am still socially driven. I have insecurities, mostly about being on the spectrum. I like to be open, I do like attention although I don't go seeking attention. I have RSD, and I can't take criticism. I also get embarrassed very easily.

I just don't think it's fair to slap narcissism labels on any human with...seemingly human traits. Usually people see narcissists as toxic (like when threads pop up saying "how to spot a narcissist", especially regarding relationships). I just thought narcissism was what I thought it was, until I heard about covert narcissism.

Sigh. Can't a person have insecurities or have something like ADHD without being labelled as a type of narcissist too?

This thread is basically me admitting that I'm not perfect.


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funeralxempire
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28 Apr 2023, 6:10 am

Rather than being hurt by noticing the label might be applicable, it's probably better to work on those traits and the issues that motivate them.

At least part of it likely relates to baggage from past instances of being rejected, made to feel unimportant, etc. Working through those feelings can help reduce how much impact they continue to have.

This is why we shouldn't attach a stigma to labels, having a label applied doesn't make one irredeemable or inherently bad.


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TwilightPrincess
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28 Apr 2023, 6:18 am

Quote:
Can't a person have insecurities or have something like ADHD without being labelled as a type of narcissist too?
People with insecurities and ADHD aren't usually considered narcissistic.



Kaioken
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28 Apr 2023, 6:32 am

The characteristics of personality disorders are characteristics that all humans possess to a degree. Therefore, it’s not unusual to read a list of personality disorder symptoms and think it might sound like oneself.

However, someone with a personality disorders possesses these characteristics to a pathological degree.

For example, most people have a need to be admired from time to time. That is a real human need. However, someone with NPD makes it their life’s mission to obtain this admiration, and may resort to pathological behaviour to do this.



Pepe
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28 Apr 2023, 6:45 am

Joe90 wrote:
I just heard about covert narcissism and it appears to describe me, even though I don't have a sense of superiority.


Based on the following, how the hell can you think you are a "cover Narcissist"?

Quote:
How to Recognize a Covert Narcissist
Verywell Mind
https://www.verywellmind.com › ... › Relationships
A covert narcissist is someone who craves admiration and importance, lacking empathy toward others but may act in a different way than an overt narcissist.



Pepe
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28 Apr 2023, 6:48 am

Kaioken wrote:
The characteristics of personality disorders are characteristics that all humans possess to a degree. Therefore, it’s not unusual to read a list of personality disorder symptoms and think it might sound like oneself.


It is like astrology.
Traits can be applied to everyone.



MatchboxVagabond
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28 Apr 2023, 10:01 am

Kaioken wrote:
The characteristics of personality disorders are characteristics that all humans possess to a degree. Therefore, it’s not unusual to read a list of personality disorder symptoms and think it might sound like oneself.

However, someone with a personality disorders possesses these characteristics to a pathological degree.

For example, most people have a need to be admired from time to time. That is a real human need. However, someone with NPD makes it their life’s mission to obtain this admiration, and may resort to pathological behaviour to do this.


Yes, and folks on the spectrum can come off as being rather narcissistic even though it's often something completely different driving the apparently narcissistic behavior. This is one of the reasons why it's never ideal to self-diagnose even though a proper formal diagnosis isn't always realistic or necessary if you're not using it to drive any significant life changes or treatments.



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28 Apr 2023, 10:20 am

MatchboxVagabond wrote:
Kaioken wrote:
The characteristics of personality disorders are characteristics that all humans possess to a degree. Therefore, it’s not unusual to read a list of personality disorder symptoms and think it might sound like oneself.

However, someone with a personality disorders possesses these characteristics to a pathological degree.

For example, most people have a need to be admired from time to time. That is a real human need. However, someone with NPD makes it their life’s mission to obtain this admiration, and may resort to pathological behaviour to do this.


Yes, and folks on the spectrum can come off as being rather narcissistic even though it's often something completely different driving the apparently narcissistic behavior. This is one of the reasons why it's never ideal to self-diagnose even though a proper formal diagnosis isn't always realistic or necessary if you're not using it to drive any significant life changes or treatments.


This.



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28 Apr 2023, 10:29 am

I've never heard it describes as Asperger's Disorder before :roll:

Quote:
Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as a cluster B personality disorder, most often as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).


Quote:
The Asperger's Disorder patient is self-centered and engrossed in a narrow range of interests and activities. Social and occupational interactions are severely hampered and conversational skills (the give and take of verbal intercourse) are primitive. The Asperger's patient's body language - eye to eye gaze, body posture, facial expressions - is constricted and artificial, akin to patients with the Schizoid, Schizotypal, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. Nonverbal cues are virtually absent and their interpretation in others lacking.

Yet, Asperger's and personality pathologies have little in common.


Consider pathological narcissism.

Quote:
The narcissist switches between social agility and social impairment voluntarily. His social dysfunctioning is the outcome of conscious haughtiness and the reluctance to invest scarce mental energy in cultivating relationships with inferior and unworthy others. When confronted with potential Sources of Narcissistic Supply, however, the narcissist easily regains his social skills, his charm, and his gregariousness.

Many narcissists reach the highest rungs of their community, church, firm, or voluntary organization. Most of the time, they function flawlessly - though the inevitable blowups and the grating extortion of Narcissistic Supply usually put an end to the narcissist's career and social liaisons.

The Asperger's patient often wants to be accepted socially, to have friends, to marry, to be sexually active, and to sire offspring. He just doesn't have a clue how to go about it. His affect is limited. His initiative - for instance, to share his experiences with nearest and dearest or to engage in foreplay - is thwarted. His ability to divulge his emotions stilted. He is incapable or reciprocating and is largely unaware of the wishes, needs, and feelings of his interlocutors or counterparties.

Inevitably, Asperger's patients are perceived by others to be cold, eccentric, insensitive, indifferent, repulsive, exploitative or emotionally-absent. To avoid the pain of rejection, they confine themselves to solitary activities - but, unlike the schizoid, not by choice. They limit their world to a single topic, hobby, or person and dive in with the greatest, all-consuming intensity, excluding all other matters and everyone else. It is a form of hurt-control and pain regulation.

Thus, while the narcissist avoids pain by excluding, devaluing, and discarding others - the Asperger's patient achieves the same result by withdrawing and by passionately incorporating in his universe only one or two people and one or two subjects of interest. Both narcissists and Asperger's patients are prone to react with depression to perceived slights and injuries - but Asperger's patients are far more at risk of self-harm and suicide.


The use of language

Quote:
Patients with most personality disorders are skilled communicators and manipulators of language. In some personality disorders (Antisocial, Narcissistic, Histrionic, Paranoid) the patients' linguistic skills far surpass the average. The narcissist, for instance, hones language as an instrument and uses it to obtain Narcissistic Supply or as a weapon to obliterate his "enemies" and discarded sources with. Cerebral narcissists actually derive Narcissistic Supply from the consummate use they make of their innate loquaciousness.

In contrast, the Asperger's patient, though verbose at times (and taciturn on other occasions) has a far more limited range of tediously repetitive topics. People with Asperger's fail to observe conversational rules and etiquette (for instance, let others speak in turn). The Asperger's patient is unaware and, therefore, unable to decipher body language and external social and nonverbal cues and gestures. He is incapable of monitoring his own misbehavior. Psychopaths, narcissists, borderlines, schizotypals, histrionics, paranoids, and schizoids are similarly inconsiderate - but they control their behavior and are fully cognizant of reactions by others. They simply choose to ignore these data.


Misdiagnosing Narcissism as Asperger's Disorder


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28 Apr 2023, 10:44 am

Recidivist wrote:
I've never heard it describes as Asperger's Disorder before :roll:

Quote:
Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as a cluster B personality disorder, most often as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).


Misdiagnosing Narcissism as Asperger's Disorder


Did anyone else feel a chill up their spine after reading this?
A most disturbing assessment of autism.

The problem I have is that this sounds too definitive/black&white.
Much too SPECIFIC.
After all, it is an autism SPECTRUM.

I might look at the link more closely.

EDIT: Ironically, the website is called "HealthyPlace". 8O :lmao:



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28 Apr 2023, 10:52 am

We are talking about a personality disorder that is very serious. If you were a narcissist, then you probably would not have come forward to admit it. Chances are that everything would be everyone else's fault and you would probably also think of yourself as unique while everyone else is a poor slob.



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28 Apr 2023, 11:05 am

Pepe wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
I've never heard it describes as Asperger's Disorder before :roll:

Quote:
Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as a cluster B personality disorder, most often as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).


Misdiagnosing Narcissism as Asperger's Disorder


Did anyone else feel a chill up their spine after reading this?
A most disturbing assessment of autism.

The problem I have is that this sounds too definitive/black&white.
Much too SPECIFIC.
After all, it is an autism SPECTRUM.

I might look at the link more closely.

EDIT: Ironically, the website is called "HealthyPlace". 8O :lmao:


The article was written by Sam Vaknin , you should investigate him if you want troofs , he has a YT channel.

Sam Vaknin wrote:
I am a former visiting professor of psychology, a current professor of finance, and the author of the first book ever on "narcissistic abuse" (a phrase I coined, among many others, in the 1990s), "Malignant Self-love: narcissism Revisited". My work in psychology: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/med...


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Joe90
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28 Apr 2023, 11:10 am

So now having Asperger's means I'm a narcissist. Just as I never thought it was humanly possible to despise having ASD any more than I already do...


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28 Apr 2023, 11:22 am

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I don't relate to any of the Narcissism stuff.
I'd sooner not exist or be noticed than get validation through others.


I think there's a quiz thing for narcissism / covert narcissism somewhere.


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28 Apr 2023, 11:28 am

^ I related a lot to narcissism, so thought I was for a while before my ASD diagnosis. I don't deny that I have narcissistic traits and I'm Ok with that as it can help with self esteem issues (sometimes)


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Joe90
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28 Apr 2023, 11:31 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Recidivist wrote:


I don't relate to any of the Narcissism stuff.
I'd sooner not exist or be noticed than get validation through others.


I think there's a quiz thing for narcissism / covert narcissism somewhere.


I answered as truthfully as I can, came up with these results.

Quote:
Covert narcissist score = 21 / 50

Scores above 25 indicate a greater likelihood of covert narcissism.
Scores below 25 are normal.


https://www.psychmechanics.com/covert-narcissist-test/


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