Freaking Out About Coronavirus

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I’m freaking out sooooo much about this coronavirus. Yesterday I got depression, I stayed in bed until 12:45 pm. I cried a little bit, cuz I couldn’t find toilet paper, I still have some left, I been going toilet paper hunting, stores like Walmart & Target only do pick up. I don’t know how to deal with this, I been on an emotional roller coaster & been crying, I screamed too. I know I have friends in my town, but they are NT, they don’t understand me, alot of parents have Autism children, but I’m adult, a STUPID adult. My whole family don’t understand me, they don’t REALLY know about Aspergers, my grandmother told me long time that she would lookup Aspergers, but she didn’t do it, much later, she said she is too old to learn. My older sister thinks she knows me soooo good, she only know me as her younger sister, but she don’t know me for having Aspergers. She read about Aspergers & talk to doctor, her son’s friends have Aspergers, they were all teenagers then, teenagers are still growing up, people can get Autism early in life or later in life. I started getting bad Aspergers symptoms in my mid 40s. My mom was the only one that understood me & my Aspergers, she was there with me when I got diagnosed in my 20s. I wish I have my mom to talk to. I’m my own parent. I can’t help thinking that I want to die.

California seems to have the coronavirus under pretty good control at this point.

I think the lack of understanding by NTs, which is most of the world, definitely doesn't help. It makes sense that depression and suicidal tendencies are much higher in the neurodiversity community. It can be lonely for sure. You are not alone. There are many NT and neurodiverse people who are freaking out right now. This is an unprecedented event in history. The healthcare system in the US is not equipped for a mass outbreak such as Covid 19. It seems to be everywhere and it's starting to hit home for me and so many I know. Today I read that Louisiana has over 9,200 cases with over 300 deaths. I have coworkers who have lost people they love and I have friends who have been tested positive, one of whom has autoimmune. I have been wanting to cry for over a week but oddly can't do it. I just sit and stare blankly, feeling miserable and alone, trapped in my own mind. I either worry excessively or completely go numb. I haven't been able to verbalize how I feel to ask for help. It is much easier to write and type. I am sorry that your family doesn't understand. If it makes you feel better, many of us have had similar issues with family and friends disregarding our neurodiversity or not wanting to understand why we are the way we are and be supportive of our journey. You are not alone though. I am not alone. We have this wonderfully diverse community of neurodiverse people with a plethora of experiences that mirror our own. We understand and are here for each other. I know this is a very scary and difficult time. Know that your feelings are valid. Your crying, screaming, and any form of healthy expulsion of your emotions through physical means is absolutely okay. I truly hope things get easier for you and I, and any others who are struggling mentally and emotionally right now.

It's freaking me out so much too. I had a huge panic attack today, because I found out that someone I know has all the coronavirus symptoms, and he's been taking all the correct precautions, also he doesn't even work with other people. So if he caught it then there's a chance that anyone can catch it even when washing your hands and keeping 2 metres away from other people. I live with a vulnerable person and I could easily catch coronavirus just by going to the supermarket and pass it on to him without even knowing, until he gets ill.
And don't say that I must distance myself from him in our small apartment for the next 3 months because that is NOT going to work. It's impossible and I don't know where people get these dumb ideas from. If a person lives with an infected person chances are they most likely ARE going to catch it even if you do...somehow...manage to distance yourselves from each other, because you live in the same house (unless of course you are rich enough to live in a mansion with several bedrooms and bathrooms, but unfortunately some of us can only afford small apartments that are NOT designed for once in a hundred years pandemics like this).

You are absolutely correct. Kudos for being considerate of your roommate. I have a form of autoimmune and have high blood pressure, and have two roommates who are "essential" workers and are out of the house everyday. They think I'm being paranoid but I hate it when my boyfriend jokingly blows air into my mouth, especially now (but always). We all need to be extra careful, especially those of us with roommates or those of us at higher risk. Other than wearing masks when you go out, wiping everything down, and washing your hands, there isn't much you can do. That's what makes it so scary. A coworker lost her grandfather to it and now another coworker told me yesterday that she lost five of her life-long friends. I'm sorry about your friend. Hopefully he/she can get tested and get treatment before it gets bad. It can get real bad even for people who are otherwise healthy. A local 17 year old football player in our city died from it and had no preexisting conditions that they knew of. Please be careful. I'm glad you are taking it seriously. It's okay to be afraid. It's normal and it's okay to panic. Cry, scream, stim, whatever you need to do to get through this.

I'm not classed as a physically vulnerable person but I still am so scared of getting ill or even dying from it. But I have been reassured that it's not common for people like me to die or get too ill from it, and that I am just as likely to die from it as I am getting knocked down by a car or getting sepsis from a wound or whatever.
A couple of years ago a healthy 25-year-old (non-smoker and no underlying health problems) had the flu and got pneumonia and had to be in intensive care for 2 weeks. She was very ill and was lucky that she recovered.
Also a middle-aged man my boyfriend worked with died from choking on an unchewed grape.

So I think healthy people have as much chance of dying from it as we would from freak accidents or other diseases.

I have to stop going on the internet at night. But there's virtually nothing else for me to do at night, and anxiety always gets worse at that time, anyway. Even when I have a warm bath and lay down for a nap or to daydream the fear and dread won't leave me alone. It's always in the back of my mind and it feels like it's slowly sticking nails in there. It gets really bad after suppertime and lasts until I fall asleep after 2 AM or later. And then I wake up and it starts all over again.

I hate TV and movies and I don't even enjoy music all that much anymore, so that can't relieve it, either. All I can do is lie in darkness and silence and let the awful feelings churn around inside my skull like sneakers in a dryer until exhaustion my medication finally takes effect and I sleep. But it's never long enough.

I've read studies that suggest mental illness is exacerbated when it's night time. I remember in an episode of How I Met Your Mother, the lead character said that nothing good ever happens from being up at 3 am. For people with mental illness, that's pretty much anytime after the sun goes down. Sometimes its not safe to be left alone with your own thoughts. That's when I try to preoccupy myself. If that doesn't work then I punch the s**t out of my punching bag (clumsily but with all my might) and cry until I fall asleep.

I'm also very paranoid about Coronavirus. There's been an outbreak in a nursing home less than a block from where I live. That means that there are lots of little Coronaviruses floating around my neighbourhood. I'm afraid to leave my own apartment because of it. I'm stuck inside and I hear my mother's voice in my head from time to time. I know that I just need to keep busy and the voices will go away. I live alone.

I went shopping online for toilet paper, lysol, softsoap & 4 frozen meals. My shopper said she found everything, but she didn’t, she went to the wrong apartment too, I had walk over there to get it, I badly hurt my leg. I got so upset, I had a bad anxiety attack, I was crying too. I cannot handle this. I’m living on my own, I don’t have all my common sense, I’m scare of not having toilet paper, I’m scare of coronavirus, I’m scared of people that buy tooooo much toilet paper & other stuff. I’m not lonely, but I’m all by myself, I feel like I soooo out of place, I don’t know where I belong. Most of the time I cannot think like an adult, I become more weak. Yesterday I wanted to have a heart attack & die. How do I do this?

Hugs

One day at a time