I want to move out.

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After spending my adult life overcoming and processing some mental health issues I've begun to finally make some progress towards becoming independent this year. I'm almost 24 and I live in my family home still, it's pretty overcrowded now. I want to move out, and I'd like to live on my own if I can, but I don't have a job or any savings. Due to a lack of social skills I'm not sure if I'd be able to keep most jobs but I want to learn and do so. I'd planned to go to college this September, and then to a university next year as well, I really want to do this but it isn't clear that that's going to be possible anymore.

In the past year I've been receiving more and more criticism from the adult family members I live with. A lot of the time it's been a case of hearing them complaining about me when they think I can't hear them, usually about things I've done, failed to do, or not done properly. There were direct complaints too. I've been addressing these and doing my best. I don't hear such complaints anymore. Whether or not that's a good sign is hard to discern. Lately I'm mostly being told that they worry about me more than they do the children. That they worry because without them, I wouldn't be able to cope, manage, live etc. I don't agree, at all, so maybe I'm missing something.

To be told in this concerned, pitying manner "you need to get it together", or that I'd be hopeless were they to die to the coronavirus.. when I hear these sorts of things it really hurts. For so long I've been struggling to persevere through poor mental health, to find what I want to do with my life, to "keep it together" and better myself in many areas. They don't know what my inner life has been like, just like I don't know how it is to live their lives. From January up until the quarantine I'd been doing great, making happy progress and discoveries. Now it's as though the rug has been pulled out from under me and to top it all off I'm being told things I want so strongly to prove wrong, but for the foreseeable future, it seems like I can't. Upon hearing their words I feel useless, worthless, pitied and a nuisance. I think at one point it probably really was worry, but it doesn't feel like that's what it is anymore. Their words now seem to thinly veil their true feelings. They want me to live elsewhere and I want that too, but I just don't see how it's possible. Maybe I could live with friends sooner than I could live alone. The possibility of having to wait until I go to university to live away from home is deeply concerning.

Aside from this, life is okay here, albeit restrictive. Comparatively I imagine I have it great. I think it would better for everyone (the adults) if I were to move out as soon as possible. I'm so poorly adjusted that I just don't know how this could be done. I'm confident that, were I living away from home and able to pay for everything I needed, I would be fine. Late last year when I was diagnosed with ASD some of my parents/grandparents were "devastated", as though it were a tragedy. I'd thought it might have helped my loved ones be a little understanding and supportive but since then my experience has been the aforementioned. It strikes me as odd that this is the case, since it was apparently devastating. I don't want to be a burden. I want to spread my wings and fly, I want to live my life supporting myself. I really think that moving out would bring about a metamorphosis, and that's exactly what I want and need.

My condolences to those who have consumed this repetitive, poorly structured, grammatical abomination of a rant. Aside from getting this off my chest I'm wondering if anyone reading this knows of any resources that might be helpful to me or simply things that I need to go and learn? (regarding finances for example, or some things I'm not quite seeing)

I heard a bit similiar stuff as a teenager before moving out, but these days I know that people were right when they were thinking I couldn't handle myself. Fortunately though my mom insisted that I move in with a relative of mine when I first moved out (the relative had recently divorced and together we were able to afford a bigger place than what either of us could've been able to pay alone), and that relative taught me the right techniques to do different housework, taught me how to prepare more meals (I only knew a few when I left home), helped me with all the official paper work etc. I ended up living with her for year and a half, and that really helped out. The point is, being the adult that manages the necessary stuff of a household wasn't nearly as easy and simple as I had thought it was, but it becomes managable once you get a hang of it.

I don't know you, so I can't say for sure if you're really missing something or not, but could it be that you don't truly understand what running a household takes? You know, all the household tasks and paperwork?

Are you able to do the very basic cleaning tasks, like vacuuming, taking care of the dust, washing the toilet, doing your laundry and dishes? If not, then I'd advice learning those before even thinking of moving out. What about cooking, can you cook? If not, then learn before moving out.

If you have these basics covered, then ask your parents what exactly it is that they think you can't handle, and if you think that their answer is indeed right, then ask them to teach you.

And of course, money. It'd be better for you to have some source of income before moving out because if you don't, you might have to move back in with your parents very quick. So along with learning the basic household skills (if you don't already know them), look for a job.

Where is your money going to come from to pay rent? Doesn't the UK give piss all for disability(assuming you are on that?).