I Want To Give Up!

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I want to give up on life, I soooo hate my life. I almost 50, I didn’t do anything very great in life, I didn’t make friends in elementary school, I have disabled friends that were in preschool with me, I didn’t talk to them very much, we all went from preschool to high school together. I was more happy when I was home. I thought something was wrong with me, cuz I wasn’t socialize & making friends. I don’t remember too much when I was in preschool that was 100 years ago, it seems, my mom told me I was a happy baby, I wish I can go back in time, I felt safer back then & my mom was alive, she was the only one that understand me. She was there in therapy when I was diagnosed with Aspergers, I was in my 20s. When I was a teenager, I stayed home, I never went out with friends, cuz I didn’t have any friends,, my best friends were a cat & a dog, my mom was friends with me too. When I grew older, I continue doing nothing in life. Since I’m going to be 50 in August, my life was boring, I didn’t have childhood life I wanted & teen years too. I faulted in life, my life was wasted away. Yesterday I was badly depressed, I stayed in bed until 4 pm, I wanted to die. I don’t know how much I can take, I cannot sweep & mop my apartment, cuz of my legs, sometimes my legs can give out on me & can’t hold me up, I can also make myself hot doing stuff like anything, moving around alot if I get toooo hot, my psoriasis will stuffer & I will badly itch. And I been having a big problem with my shoulder & my upper arm. I haven’t been to the laundry room in months since the coronavirus got worse. I cannot take a regular shower, I cannot stand up & I cannot take a bath, I cannot pull myself up most of the time, I don’t have alot of upper body strength, I think it because I was born with weak muscles. When I broke my ankle, I bought a transfer bend to help me wash myself, I cannot use the bench, I keep slipping off, the last time I used it, I almost broke my other ankle. I think life would be better without me, I’m tired of crying. I don’t recognize myself anymore.

Do you have a advocate ... or anyone who is paid by any organization to come check on you .
Or possibly a charitable organization or group that might be willing to help . ?? Hope your situations takes a turn for the better .. Have been in similiar situation when younger and parents filled some of the harder roles for me .. Coming to grip with some aspects of being a aspie with co-morbidities ,
can appear quite impossible , at times . My own executive function abilities are demoralizingly challenged daily .. And find myself just laying down . But there are some simple for me tasks , i can focus on that help from time to time . But when your feeling overwelmed it is sometimes hard to keep hope. Hang in there ... wish could offer more . At 60 yrs old can relate to much of what you wrote about here .

have to wonder why this thread did not make it to main page initially inspite of my previous response, clearly this is a request for hope in these difficult times ........

Kitty i hope you are feeling better. You are a precious person even if you don't feel like you have an impressive life. I wish i could be of help as i am sure i will have similar problems after my parents pass away.

Most people don’t have “impressive lives.”

I certainly don’t.

Like others stated, you should get in touch with your social worker or another one of your advocates.