Don't fit in anymore on here

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The tone of this place has changed and I don't like it.

I'll still stick around for the diary aspect of what's on your mind, the games and PPR. Probably other off topic stuff too.

But I have major disagreements with people on the main thrust of the site (autism) so I'll ignore those parts of the site.

And one thing about me is, if I feel attacked, I fight back. So if people imply there's something up with my brain, I will point out the flaws of this site's favourite people's brains (extreme NTs).

This site has summed up what I knew as a teenager. Beyond sensory issues, I should've never been told about my diagnosis. I should've been allowed to carry on in my own geeky way. I was just a smart kid who wasn't an expert at being 'popular' or 'cool'. Telling me, first, I had asperger's syndrome and, later, I was autistic did nothing for my self esteem or employment opportunities.

Society needs to be better at giving people like me chances to work in libraries (either as librarians or as shelvers), in archives and in museums. Society needs to go back to being ok with eccentric lecturers. There was historically a place for someone like me in society & there needs to be again.

So carry on trying to 'fix' your autism. But I'm not getting involved in 'fixing mine' anymore. I like myself and I benefit from being the way I am. Instead, I'll focus on my art.

Amen

I am sorry that being diagnosed and informed of the results was Not helpful for you.
If I could have known, years ago, WHY I was the way I was, I could possibly have come close to self acceptance.
Which I STILL find difficult.

I've NEVER fit in here- there seems to be a vast cultural divide between me and the vast majority of members. I still keep coming here as there's stuff I wouldn't get to talk about anywhere else. But I have to be bloody careful what I say sometimes.

fitting in is overrated

I can agree, when you step back, REALLY look, go over some completely exasperating conversations, and realize you have been trying to get along with or accommodate some absolute jerks.
Wasted effort, and time better spent.

I have never felt like I have fit in anywhere - ever - in almost 67 years. WP is the closest fit yet.

In spite of the fact that there are people and/or threads that make me want to pull out my hair, cry, cower, fluster, or swear I am never coming back, I have and still am learning a lot from the exchanges here.

We don't have to agree in order to learn and gain perspective on the larger human condition. We don't have to like everyone to have a community. Not everyone has to fit our (my) idea of what a friend should be.

There are bad apples IRL. I'm not sure there is anyplace free of "bad apples."

But there are so many many more good people here. I am so grateful for all of you.

KT67 and sylkat and others who have posted here, I am glad you are here. I'm glad you are posting. I hope to "hear" more from you. But if you have other paths to follow, I wish you well.

I prefer to keep a distance between myself and others. Friendships and cliques lead to bias.

I agree. I only mind not fitting in when I feel like I have to question myself like if I'm 'broken' somehow or if I'm actually insulted. The actual insulted bit hasn't happened on here and I know myself, the mods would be straight onto it if it did.

I'm just going to avoid any topics which are emotive to me and feel personal when people are only giving their own experience.

I read a couple of articles tonight on how autism is and isn't a disability at the same time. That helped me to see my own POV more clearly as well as that of other people. I do agree it stops me fitting into NT society but - I don't care about fitting in. I just wish I hadn't got ill and that I had a chance to do a 'geeky' job but I was unfortunate in that they were cutting library services just after I graduated.

My stepdad seems more of the annoying aspie than me imo (of course I'm biased). For eg he won't say please and thank you. This wouldn't be a problem as I don't know many adults who genuinely say "please may I" "thank you very much". But he also doesn't use tone of voice correctly in order to imply 'please' and 'thank you'. He just says 'stick kettle on' in a gruff manner which anyone else would be rude if they did that. He's just being matter of fact. Mum or me would say 'I'd like a cup of tea while you're up if you don't mind' in a specific tone of voice. When I was a child, I would say 'please may I have a glass of milk'.

I think maybe if my family had been less 'weird' (in a good way but, it felt like there were 3 kids in my home growing up lol even though I was the only kid, very imaginative family for eg) and if I hadn't had 'geeky' friends growing up, I would need it more. But I don't mind not fitting in with people who are rarely part of my life unless I take a bad turn or in the case of my last school, mum makes a mistake. I fit in amongst quiet eccentric artistic types. Honestly? I fit in amongst urban, educated people of my own social class, even my very NT very extrovert cousins if we're not making comparisons which is something only my stepdad does really.

My biological dad's (schizophrenia) diagnosis being made known to me was more useful to me. It let me know why he was always angry and that he was never going to change so approaching him with alternative ways to continue our bond was better than constantly being around him in a bad mood. We have a good relationship now via text.

I really think masking was bad for my mental health and I think teenage girls who are diagnosed as autistic should be warned about how it can be bad for them and not to do it and if they do do it (for eg to get by in the workplace), find some time and place where they can truly be themselves.

I mean this is what telling someone they're diagnosed autistic right after they've been bullied with physical threat from a gang for a year for being a 'geek' tells them:

"You know those girls who are picking on you? Yeah. They're normal. You're not though. You should really fix yourself to stop it from happening again"

Completely unnecessary. I wasn't bullied in my first secondary. Cos I was a pretty normal smart kid. The environment I was put in was what was abnormal.

What's more, I got given an autism diagnosis 5 years before I was told about it. In order to get me a TA although idk why I needed that diagnosis considering I'm severely dyspraxic & should've been entitled to her anyway. She never corrected me socially, either, just helped me with dyspraxia related stuff and was like a second mum to me in terms of passing her daughter's hand me downs onto me and getting me sweets.

Why not tell me at a point in my life where I was in a good place? As a 'some people think differently to you and these are some special skills for getting on with them' or maybe a 'this explains your light sensitivity' thing. It feels cruel to tell a victim of bullying that they're the weirdo and the bullies are normal. Especially when they've been uprooted and put into a strange environment which was a result of someone else's foolishness with social geography and were never bullied before that. I strongly feel I wouldn't have been bullied in St Albans.

This has been happening to my daughter in highschool. She tried to make friends with these girls in school in lower highschool and invite them to her birthday party. In front of me they smile and tell me how smart my daughter is. But then at school they bully her for being autistic.

I listen to my daughter now on online school and I realise she is smarter then her classmates and these girls can't stand her for being academic and smart so make fun of her social weaknesses.

But she is more positive than me....when I ask her she shrugs her shoulders and says she just tries to be friends with everyone. She's such a pollyana....

You are appreciated KT67. I like reading your posts. You do fit in. You maybe different.. We all are in here! Hahaha! It is why we fit in because we are different that makes us different to fit in which is why it works.
(Uhmm, did I just have a Mr Spencer moment?....... Yes! (As he would say!)).

But seriously. You are appreciated. The forum is enriched with you so keep posting.

I like who I am too.
Fixing NT society might be time better spent.

Tony Attwood and I agree with you.

Unfortunately for us, majority rules.

For most of us its "survival" pepe