anti-autism

Post Reply New Topic

I have a lot to talk about, and I'm not sure where to start.

My ex-fiancé was emotionally abusive. She engaged in gaslighting, isolating, love bombing, grooming, and other forms of abuse. I didn't realize it at the time, but after I did extensive research on the matter I found that many of her behaviors were consistent with patterns of narcissistic abuse. And after two and a half years of abuse, she broke up with me via telephone, at a point in my life when I was struggling to find employment after college, and she added insult to injury by calling me a bum and loser.

What happened next is where it all started: because she is a woman and I am a man, everyone believed her when she said that it was I who abused her. She has cerebral palsy, which is a disability that was easy for people to see and understand; while nobody understood what it means to be on the autism spectrum. People just thought I was rude, arrogant, and inconsiderate. And because this all happened after two and a half years of having my insecurities nurtured and being groomed to be completely codependent, in addition to all the other stresses I was already experiencing at the time, it all culminated in me having a meltdown on Facebook. All of the aforementioned made it extremely easy for me ex, who is very skilled at manipulation, to convince everyone that I was the bad guy. And they ate it up!

I was shunned. Labeled a monster. And lost nearly every friend I had at the time. This all occurred in 2009, and I was still getting attacked by feminists on social media as recently as 2017.

I have been contemplating suicide ever since.

I've had a bachelor's degree for twelve years, but despite that I could never get a competitive job. There are many jobs I'm qualified for and am fully capable of performing, but I can never get hired because I don't have the skills to network or pass an interview. Every job I've ever had has been a low-paying high-turnover job that immediately hired anyone as soon as they pass the background and drug tests. And even many of those turned me away for being "overqualified".

I've been told that I need to "check my male privilege". That my struggles aren't real or don't count. And this persisted even after I had thoroughly explained that I'm on the spectrum, am suffering from severe anxiety and major depression, and that I was unemployed and homeless. Even after explaining all of that, feminists continued to insist that I was unemployed and homeless because I was too lazy to hold a job.

I've lost count of how many times gate keepers have told me that, because I'm a straight cis white male, that I cannot be marginalized or discriminated against. I was expelled from a local support group for disclosing that I'm a survivor of multiple sexual assaults.

Any time I've attempted to talk about being depressed because I can't get a girlfriend, I'm told that I hate women. That I think I'm entitled to sex. I'm labeled an incel and a misogynist. For the crime of having feelings! And again, this continued to persist even after I had fully explained that I have autism.

Just think about all the feminist rallies. All the protests. The lectures. Now tell me: where are the marches to support people like us? Where's the affirmative action for all the people on the spectrum who are fully capable of performing many jobs, but can never get hired because we stem or struggle with eye contact? Even in the age of growing movements to support women, immigrants, and the LGBTQ community, and all other minorities; we remain ignored by mainstream society. We remain invisible. We remain hated, even by those who claim to fight for equality and social justice.

I'm not sure any political party is really helping autistic adults, there is possibly more of a push from the left to help autistic children, I don't think there is that much gap on that issue. the left plays identity politics, so they will judge you on your race and gender first, where the right might judge you on not being successful and not being motivated. be an independent swing voter and everyone will kiss your ass.

I have no love for the Right and no desire to defend it.

I simply used to think that the Left were the people on my side. Its always more heartbreaking to be disappointed by those you believed in then to simply be marginalized by those you expected it from all along.

@OP

You have a lot going on and I don't think members here are equipped to give advice for depression related illness

First seek counselling and get yourself in a good frame of mind before tackling the issues you listed.

In my experience, second wave feminists are anti-autism and seem to assume all autistic people are amab and just putting it on in order to force women (they assume all men are straight as well... and don't get me started on their transphobia...) to do emotional labour.

Never mind that not all of us are amab. Never mind that gay autistic guys exist. Never mind that a lot of autistic people are single.

Second wave feminism isn't all the Left or even all feminists.

I think autistic people do a lot of emotional labour because it doesn't come naturally to us so it's harder and more like work. To an NT, a lot of it isn't really work if they're honest about it.

It's why I laugh when people say 'feminists just hate men nowadays'. Most of us are fourth wave now. Third and fourth wave don't hate men because things are more complicated than that. NT, cis het, non-disabled white guys? Sure, there are fourth wave feminists who hate them and they need to stop that cos it gets us nowhere. But the days of the SCUM manifesto are the days when our mothers were growing up.

I'm sorry these people are being bigoted to you and not believing you're autistic or not taking your neurodiversity seriously

it has been my direct experience that the right-wingers have even less affection for auties like me, than the left. what it boils down to, is ABLEISM which is rampant in this country.

I'm really sorry you're experiencing it.
Of course women can be abusive.
We all need to do better than assuming someone's guilt or innocence based their belonging to some group - weather it's traditional prejudice or politically correct prejudice, it's just as harmful.

The Haven is not the place for political discussion, and you really should be careful about judging politics according to whatever garbage you experienced on social media.

Dorkseid, I hear that you are in pain from a variety of causes and the political rant at the end sounds more like a cry for help and understanding than an actual political position. I could be wrong though.

Leaving the politics aside, i am sorry you are feeling so bad, so betrayed and so miserable.

Is there anything we can do to help you feel better?